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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about DD15 behaviour should I say something to best friend

164 replies

pixie45 · 08/09/2019 21:02

Today I went cinema with DD15, best friend, her DD19 & her boyfriend who came last min.

Before they came DD15 said to me she didn’t want to sit with best friends DD19/her boyfriend I said to her this is how seating arrangement are - basically when we do go cinema DD15/Best Friends DD19 always sit in front together & this has never been a issue before everyone including DD15 were happy with this.

Anyway once they came my DD15 said in front of my best friend I’m sitting at the back with you I don’t want to sit next to them I said to her no this is the seating arrangements like always. Again DD15 said no I’m not sitting at the front I don’t want to I’m sitting next to you at the back, again I said no, at this point my best friend looked on in disbelief then she walked off to her DD19/boyfriend which I was very embarrassed about I did tell DD15 off though.

When we were walking into cinema my best friend said to me don’t she want to sit next to my daughter cos her boyfriend is here I said don’t worry about it but I was very embarrassed. When we went into the cinema my DD15 pulled a face at having to sit next to them.

Was I being unreasonable to not let DD15 sit next to me? Should I say anything to my best friend?

OP posts:
TheRLodger · 08/09/2019 21:37

I think I would have said I know we prebooked these seat but if no one shows up to sit in the seat next to me then perhaps you can seat there then

Cakeorchocolate · 08/09/2019 21:37

Ywbu.
But if seats were booked, little you could do.

You could have let dd sit with you and best friend sit with her dd (if best friend didn't mind).

You could have said in a far more understanding (while being completely confused) way, that the seats are booked and she can't sit there unfortunately.

You owe her an apology imo.

Have you tried talking to her since to find out what her issue was/is?
Why don't you suggest a cinema (or other) trip just the 2 of you, to try to make up for the situation. (Although you obviously think you're not in the wrong)

Lastly, if bf coming was last min, how did he have a seat booked next to your group?!

SoManyUnknowns · 08/09/2019 21:37

Yabvvvvu should've just let her sit where she wanted (despite what she might have said earlier). Your friend giving a weird look was directly.related to your response to your DD. If youd just let her sit where she wanted and not made her look unreasonable, your friend wouldn't have seen her as unreasonable either!

Deadringer · 08/09/2019 21:37

But does it matter, she changed her mind for some reason. Maybe the boyfriend smells.

AlexaShutUp · 08/09/2019 21:37

This all sounds really weird. Why wouldn't you all just sit together?Confused

eddiemairswife · 08/09/2019 21:38

Does it matter where anyone sits when you go to watch a film?

Original poster
pixie45 · 08/09/2019 21:38

DannyWallace
How can I be a mean mum? I asked my daughter BEFORE booking seats if she wanted to sit with them in front or sit in one line she said no sit in front like we always do, once seats were booked someone Saturday next to me in their paid seat DD15 would of had to move back to her seat anyway

OP posts:
adaline · 08/09/2019 21:38

Your behaviour is horrible.

Let your DD sit where she wants!

Ginger1982 · 08/09/2019 21:38

Yeah I think your friend in disbelief at how you were dealing with your DD rather than at what your DD said. You could have just shuffled seats surely.

MarigoldEntwin · 08/09/2019 21:39

sit in front of me/best friend plus cinema has allocated seats and someone sat next to me in their allocated seats and she would of had to of moved back in front anyway.

Wouldn’t she have sat in your friends seat?

I’m sure your friend wouldn’t care where she sate I’m assuming you’re both in your 30/40s so who you sit with shouldn’t be an issue.

To a 15 year old it might be.

Have you actually got the reason as to why she didn’t want to sit with them?

messolini9 · 08/09/2019 21:42

YABVU, & a controlling, thoughtless tyrant.
Why can your 15 year old not express a perfectly reasonable preference, & be heard?

boptist · 08/09/2019 21:42

The couple could have sat in the two seats in the back row and you, your daughter and your friend in the row of three Confused

Original poster
pixie45 · 08/09/2019 21:42

I originally explained to my DD15 about seats being booked & she couldn’t sit there

I may of come across as a bad mean horrible mum but I’m not maybe the situation I could of dealt with better but please don’t all label me as a bad mean horrible mum

OP posts:
BlockedAndDeleted · 08/09/2019 21:43

She simply just changed her mind when the reality of the dynamic became apparent on that particular occasion.

You were the one who made it weird.

I think you owe your daughter an apology for disrespecting her quite harmless and understandable wishes and forcing her to do something she clearly didn’t want to do

What does that teach her?

mawof3soontobe · 08/09/2019 21:43

Wtf!? Wouldn't the simple solution be that your best friend swapped seats with your DD, meaning you and DD were sat behind and your best friend was 3rd wheeling with her DD and BF?

adaline · 08/09/2019 21:43

Why couldn't you, DD and your friend all sit in front, and the friends DD plus boyfriend sit behind? Hmm

Original poster
pixie45 · 08/09/2019 21:44

Also when we went in before sitting down I did say to my daughter if no one sits there sit with me and then if someone’s sitting there then sorry u have to go back she was fine with this she said ok when we went in she was fine she wanted to sit there herself

OP posts:
mawof3soontobe · 08/09/2019 21:45

You've basically just taught your daughter a lesson that she isn't allowed to change her mind on something once she's already agreed.... I'll let your own imagination think up what scenarios she could implicate that lesson into!

negomi90 · 08/09/2019 21:46

She changed her mind and didn't want to sit next to them completely reasonable and a non issue. Either because she didn't think it through at the time or because when she saw the couple at the time she realised that with their mood she'd be a 3rd wheel
You should have told your friend that you and your dd were sitting together and she was up front with her dd and the bf.
Or if you didn't want to make waves, you could have gone and sat next to your friends dd.
Its a cinema - its not like you'd be missing out on talk by not sitting with your friend.
I guarentee pda would be kept to a minimum next to you vs next to your dd.

Original poster
pixie45 · 08/09/2019 21:46

Ok looks like I didn’t handle this one well at all 😕
Next time gonna maybe book in one line

OP posts:
Marnie76 · 08/09/2019 21:48

Oh dear OP, I don’t think you were thinking straight at the cinema. As lots of people said, you, your best friend and you DD could have sat together in front. Just because the ‘kids’ always sat in front in the past didn’t mean that had to this time.

NancyJoan · 08/09/2019 21:49

So you booked three seats in a row, and two seats in a row?

Couldn't the couple take the two, and you, your DD and your friend take the 3?

arethereanyleftatall · 08/09/2019 21:49

This all sounds like a ridiculous fuss over nothing.
Was every seat in the cinema taken and pre-allocated then?
I've never experienced that.
Doesn't mean it doesn't happen of course!

This is how the conversation would have gone in our house.
Dd 'I don't want to sit with dd19 any more'
Parent 'ok, no worries. Dd19 and boyfriend can take the 2 seats behind and you, me and friend can sit in the 3 seats in front.'

MarigoldEntwin · 08/09/2019 21:50

Also when we went in before sitting down I did say to my daughter if no one sits there sit with me and then if someone’s sitting there then sorry u have to go back she was fine with this she said ok when we went in she was fine she wanted to sit there herself

Then what was the issue?!

Clearly downplaying this after the replies you’ve now received.

Marnie76 · 08/09/2019 21:50

This is actually pretty hilarious