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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about DD15 behaviour should I say something to best friend

164 replies

pixie45 · 08/09/2019 21:02

Today I went cinema with DD15, best friend, her DD19 & her boyfriend who came last min.

Before they came DD15 said to me she didn’t want to sit with best friends DD19/her boyfriend I said to her this is how seating arrangement are - basically when we do go cinema DD15/Best Friends DD19 always sit in front together & this has never been a issue before everyone including DD15 were happy with this.

Anyway once they came my DD15 said in front of my best friend I’m sitting at the back with you I don’t want to sit next to them I said to her no this is the seating arrangements like always. Again DD15 said no I’m not sitting at the front I don’t want to I’m sitting next to you at the back, again I said no, at this point my best friend looked on in disbelief then she walked off to her DD19/boyfriend which I was very embarrassed about I did tell DD15 off though.

When we were walking into cinema my best friend said to me don’t she want to sit next to my daughter cos her boyfriend is here I said don’t worry about it but I was very embarrassed. When we went into the cinema my DD15 pulled a face at having to sit next to them.

Was I being unreasonable to not let DD15 sit next to me? Should I say anything to my best friend?

OP posts:
Hecateh · 08/09/2019 21:50

why didn't you and friend sit in front with your daughter and other daughter and boyfriend sit behind if your daughter wanted to sit with you.

Friend's daughter and boyfriend would probably have preferred that too as they wouldn't be overlooked

BlockedAndDeleted · 08/09/2019 21:51

Next time when your daughter expresses her wishes listen to her.

Teach her her that when she does this her views and agency will be heard, that they are important and respected.

Greysparkles · 08/09/2019 21:52

I don't understand why the teenage couple couldn't sit behind and the 2 adults and DD in front? Does that not just make more sense? And save the ridiculous argument

dollydaydream114 · 08/09/2019 21:53

I find it really weird that you a) booked one set of three and one set of two instead of just a line of five and b) then prearranged who was going to sit in those seats before you even went?! Don't you understand that you, your friend and your daughter could have sat in the three seats and the 19-year-old and her boyfriend could have sat in the two seats? It's not like the seats had their bloody names written on them. You don't have to divide the seating between generations, you know. It's not like having an adults' table and a children's table at Christmas dinner.

SleepIsForTheWeeak · 08/09/2019 21:54

I don’t understand why you didn’t sit on the 3 with your daughter and friend and the couple have the row of 2? Why didn’t you just do that rather than causing aggro and starting a mumsnet thread about it? Would have been much easier to just swap rows.

Marnie76 · 08/09/2019 21:55

Please come back OP and answer the many many (many) people who have asked why you didn’t just let the couple sit behind

carly2803 · 08/09/2019 21:55

you were VVVVV unreasonable to your daughter

why would you purposefully make her so uncomfortable?

ellzebellze · 08/09/2019 21:56
Confused
BoomBoomsCousin · 08/09/2019 21:56

So your daughter, knowing exactly who was going, discussed seating with your best friend’s daughter and came up with you and your best friend on one row and her, your best friend’s daughter and the boyfriend on the row in front. Then on the day just before you go, she changes her mind and says she doesn’t want to sit with your best friend’s daughter or the boyfriend and kicks up a bit of a fuss about it without giving any explanation?

Because if so would say

  1. your daughter was unreasonable for kicking up a fuss and refusing something she had happily arranged but I’m not clear why you couldn’t have accommodated a change of heart by swapped it so you, your best friend and your DD were sitting in the set of 3 and the young couple were sitting in the set of two.

  2. why doesn’t your OP which make mention of your daughter’s initial agreement or of the fact she helped drive those seating arrangement? Why do you instead emphasize the boyfriend coming “at the last minute” as though that must have been a surprise to your dad when it was far enough in advance that your dad and your best friend’s daughter have apparently had time to discuss the seating arrangements before the tickets were bought? It’s a bizarre initial post if the situation is as I surmised. So I wonder if your communication skills with your daughter were perhaps a bit weaker than you think and maybe she misunderstood the situation and hadn’t really agreed to what you thought she’d agreed to?

adaline · 08/09/2019 21:56

I think you need to apologise to your friend for causing such a scene, and to your DD for ignoring her wishes.

Emilizz34 · 08/09/2019 21:57

When on earth is it so important for you and your best friend to sit behind the teenagers? Sounds like a strange seating arrangement .
Also , you should listen to your dd if she feels uncomfortable about something .......

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/09/2019 21:57

*dd not dad!

Original poster
pixie45 · 08/09/2019 21:57

When we went into cinema DD15 wanted to sit in front with DD19/boyfriend I did say she could sit next to us but she wanted to sit next to DD19/boyfriend herself after

OP posts:
gill1960 · 08/09/2019 21:58

She was too embarrassed at having to be a spare part with a teenage couple.

If she'd gone in with her teenage mates she would want to sit with them ... normal

You got it wrong and owe her an apology

arethereanyleftatall · 08/09/2019 21:59

I wonder if this was all a ruse planned by the dds to allow the boyfriend and girlfriend to be behind the parents and out of their eyesight?

Monkeyplanet · 08/09/2019 22:00

YABVU, what about if DD had a reason for not wanting to sit next to them that she wasn't ready to share. She told you beforehand and you made the whole thing awkward. You could have just gone along with her request and made an excuse as to why the seating arrangement was different this time.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/09/2019 22:02

When we went into cinema DD15 wanted to sit in front with DD19/boyfriend I did say she could sit next to us but she wanted to sit next to DD19/boyfriend herself after

Stop backtracking, that is not what you said in your op, complete opposite.

IfYouWannaComeBack · 08/09/2019 22:03

Its still odd that you told her off for not wanting to sit with them.
You’re in the were way out of line

sweetiepie1979 · 08/09/2019 22:04

I can’t believe you didn’t pick up on your daughters cues of I’m uncomfortable!
What a bloody fuss
Apologise to DD

rededucator · 08/09/2019 22:05

Why did you, friend and DD sit in front and the 19 year old and BF sit behind you? If the issue was the 2 and 3 seat booking?

rededucator · 08/09/2019 22:05

*didnt

lotusbell · 08/09/2019 22:06

I said to her no this is the seating arrangements like always

So this is a regular thing?

rededucator · 08/09/2019 22:08

And you seem to be putting your best friends opinion before your daughters. Have you actually ask DD why she didn't want to sit next to the couple?

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 08/09/2019 22:10

Why didn't you sit with your daughter in the row of 3 and give your friend and her BF the 2 seats?

YAB (really) U

Lemoneeza · 08/09/2019 22:11

never known anyone book cinema tickets over two rows! weird