AIBU in withdrawing DS from contact rugby in junior school?

[swearymary100]

My DS attends a private school that is strong in sport. He has attended since nursery, before I knew about his non-sporty-ness!
He is 9 and in Yr 4. This academic year Rugby moves from non-contact to contact. All the kids are getting mouth guards & headgear.
My DS is tiny. He weighs 3.4 stone and is 114cm tall - about size of average 5-6 year old. He has always been small & there is no-one in his year as little.
He is into music & dance & cross-country running; he is fit & very active. He hates rugby.

So, I want to withdraw him (if school consents) from contact rugby.
The risk of concussion & injury is too high given that his head will be at the chest/shoulder height of his peers.

I have researched this issue to death & for every expert saying 'don't be bloody stupid - ban tackling in schools' there is another one saying 'it's fine, stop being a precious twat'.

I know that all activity involves risks of accidents, but rugby deliberately encourages tackling and there is impact & concussion risk.

Does anyone have experience of this & AIBU?

What does contact rugby actually entail at that age?

I think the scientific consensus is rather clear that micro concussions from contact sports are particularly dangerous especially during childhood. I’d withdraw him simply because of this. On top of this he doesn’t even like rugby so what’s the point in playing a dangerous sport he doesn’t like?

I agree OP. Withdraw him. He seems far to small against his peers. The fact that he hates it will only cause him loads of stress.

I think you're absolutely right. DS used to play rugby for a club outside school and it was bloody terrifying - I feel strongly it should only ever be "opt in", not "opt out". Thank goodness he has now given up.

I have a 13 year old who plays rugby and and I hate it.

I would imagine that unless he's incredibly fast, he'll be on the B or C team (because he won't be much of a tackler, obviously) and he'll not see much action in year 4 in any case.

What's his view on it?

Oh. Sorry. Just saw that he hates rugby.

Does he want you to write him a note?

I'd say that technique is more important than size but I would say 9 seems very young for full contact rugby and if he doesnt enjoy it you may as well try and get him excused.

Your kid is smaller than my just turned 6 yr old and the girls in his own class can take him out, there is no way they can claim it is safe for yours to be playing against boys of 9. I'd def take him out of all contact sports.

You are totally within your rights to remove him from the contact element of rugby. The only advantage of staying in at this age is that theoretically he will learn safely and will be able to understand better how to manage himself if he wants to play in the future. They should be gradually introducing contact at this point.

It was always none contact I. Primary but in your position I agree would do the same

YANBU

If there's something else he can do, he doesn't enjoy it, and there's a chance it could be dangerous for him, I would definitely withdraw him. There's nothing to be gained by making kids do what they don't like.

My 13 year old has had to play rugby since starting Secondary but never gets the ball so is never tackled. He is non-sporty like your DS, but I have told him I am happy that he never gets the ball if it means he doesn't get injured, as long as he participates in games practice. A child the size of a 6 year old playing against 9 year old children I would worry about though and I understand why you want to withdraw him.

Have the qualified and experienced coaching staff said that he shouldn’t play?

At our prep school contact rugby is on an opt in basis, with touch rugby as the alternative. I allowed my son to opt in but we review each year. In your case, if he wants to play contact I'd allow it for now, and review each year. Contact is introduced gradually, and if he is keen, it is good to be in from the start. If he is not keen on though, I'd start asking questions.

I doubt that the school will allow you to withdraw him.
We have parents each year that try and fail. The headmaster's line is that all the children take part. I think team sports are an massively important part of school life and I like the fact at some prep schools that they all have the opportunity to participate.

However, I don't like it either. It was fine with DS1 as he was massively bigger than all the other children. However, with DS2 (who was smaller and not very keen on either tackling or being tackled), I told him to run very quickly if he did get the ball or chuck it to someone else.

I always go to their rugby matches too in case something happens.

We have parents each year that try and fail. The headmaster's line is that all the children take part. I think team sports are an massively important part of school life and I like the fact at some prep schools that they all have the opportunity to participate.

'I'll sue you if he's injured, he's too small for his age to play contact rugby'.

The question is do you think there's something to be gained from him playing rugby. At my boys' prep they had the option to play football instead - isn't there an alternative?

10 yr old (Y6) DS plays rugby both at his prep school and it’s affiliated club. The rules around what young children can do in relation to tacking are very strict status age and I agree with a PP that if he isn’t keen, he’s unlikely to be in the A team where the bigger, stronger, faster players will be. Personally, in Y4, my view is that the risk is minimal - they still play mixed sides in Y4 after all. Some of our girls are incredible players!

A note wont excuse him in secondary and then suddenly he'll be faced with boys who have years of experience and him with none.

Rugby is entirely optional in secondary, obviously.

strict at this age

State schools don’t play contact til secondary. For good reason.

Year 4 is very young for contact rugby. Was Year 6 here.

I hate the idea of my ds playing rugby as he’s like your ds - little but fast. He’s good at rugby as he can run fast but... I hate the contact part of it.

So yanbu. Tell the school you’re not happy with him playing contact rugby.

Isn't rugby the sport with the highest incidence of either brain or spinal injuries?

If you can withdraw him, I would. There's resilience and then there's sending a lad who's smaller than my son who's just started reception.