AIBU in withdrawing DS from contact rugby in junior school?

[swearymary100]

My DS attends a private school that is strong in sport. He has attended since nursery, before I knew about his non-sporty-ness!
He is 9 and in Yr 4. This academic year Rugby moves from non-contact to contact. All the kids are getting mouth guards & headgear.
My DS is tiny. He weighs 3.4 stone and is 114cm tall - about size of average 5-6 year old. He has always been small & there is no-one in his year as little.
He is into music & dance & cross-country running; he is fit & very active. He hates rugby.

So, I want to withdraw him (if school consents) from contact rugby.
The risk of concussion & injury is too high given that his head will be at the chest/shoulder height of his peers.

I have researched this issue to death & for every expert saying 'don't be bloody stupid - ban tackling in schools' there is another one saying 'it's fine, stop being a precious twat'.

I know that all activity involves risks of accidents, but rugby deliberately encourages tackling and there is impact & concussion risk.

Does anyone have experience of this & AIBU?

Dd plays rugby, until 12 it's only semi contact, the mouth guards are just a precaution. I would seriously consider if it is the right school though, my friends found that the only way out of rugby at their school was music lessons conveniently scheduled!

I'm trying to work out if you're being sarcastic? PE is never optional. They'd be expected to try a range of sports during lesson time. The only option is whether you choose to play for the school team or not.

PE is not optional in secondary school, but rugby certainly is. Boys can opt for football or tennis or rock climbing, whatever.

Quick Google suggests spinal injuries, just checked.

I’ve just asked my dh who trains young lads in rugby, and your son should be playing tag rugby until aged 11. Is shouldn’t be full contact rugby. The best players are always the smallest

In addition to the points you mention, primary aged boys don't necessarily have the understanding/self control/ sense of responsibility to follow safety rules. Someone I know had a serious injury at age 11 playing rugby because another child purposefully stamped on him in a scrum, he couldn't play sport after that.

No option for ds to opt out they have to play rugby

Even though he ended up with broken bones playing rugby the school didn’t seem at all concerned

He is a tiny thing too and happy to play other sports

My son plays rugby and I’d only be happy if this was being delivered by properly accredited RFU coaches. There’s a very strict protocol of what is introduced at each age and there should be lots of training and practice before it’s ever put into any form of match. The only contact introduced at Under 9s (which is Y4) should be a basic tackle, using the arms. Even a small player should be able to play safely. If it’s not safe, the coaches aren’t doing their jobs properly.

And you continue to send your children to these uncaring schools?

Oh, and while my son is not small (98th centile for height) he is tiny (0.9 for weight) and he has hypermobility to boot. He’s only had one properly nasty injury and that was a freak thing back when he was playing tag in U6! Rugby at this age should be no more dangerous than any other sport IF delivered properly.

DS2 has played contact since yr 4 in school and in his local team. He is short but robust so relishes contact. Your DS will only be tackled if he has the ball - my eldest DS managed to avoid being tackled by avoiding the ball handling! Now he is more confident (due to very good coaching) he is tackled, and deals with it. With proper coaching shouldn't be an issue. I think (and this is only my opinion, and based only on anecdotal evidence), he is more likely to be injured riding a bike or scooter or crossing the road.
Having said that, there is nothing worse, I would think, than having to participate in an activity you hate although some might say (perhaps rightly) that this is one of life's lessons. Sorry, on reflection that probably wasn't particularly helpful.......

PE is not optional in secondary school, but rugby certainly is. Boys can opt for football or tennis or rock climbing, whatever. Rugby isn't optional at my child's state secondary, they all play the same sports in rotation. Playing on a team against other schools is optional, but they do have to play against other sporting houses occasionally.

It’s that or the school around the corner where two boys have been stabbed this year unsurprisingly there

Other schools with similar attitudes towards rugby (both state and private) around here rugby seems to be the sport of moment

AsTheWorldTurns that's not how it works in our secondary school. PE is a different sport per half term, none of which are optional.

I don't know about where you are, but in my hometown in Wales (where rugby is a huge part of the community) the children literally count down the days until they turn 8 because that is the age they can start tackling! However, from what I've witnessed, it isn't as scary and full on as it sounds and they build up slowly and age appropriately. If your DS doesn't want to do it, then absolutely ask the teacher not to force him. But I don't think it is as scary as you think (just to put your mind at ease!)

PE teachers are NOT RFU qualified. My ds who is 20 now and plays professional was not allowed to do rugby at school. There is so much that ‘can’ go wrong in rugby it should only be taught by people who have had the right training.

(I should say I name changed for this - been around these parts for years!)

These perspectives are all really helpful, thank you. It was my DH who said 'ask Mumsnet, you do for everything else'

Sadly, this issue is a hill on which I am willing to die - if we have to move schools, then so be it. It's sad as the school is fabulous in all other ways. But, if you saw my little DS with his spaghetti legs, you'd understand!

I'm emailing the school so I'll update when I have a response. For those who are interested, have a look at this website:
www.sportcic.com

Any decent prep will have qualified coaches who know what they are doing.

If he's going private for secondary he's better off starting now or he'll be well behind the others.

I've worked at several top preps and none of them would allow someone to opt out.

@Rivkka

You see, this is what I struggle with.
The sports staff are great & are ex-professional players.

Why, at 8, does a risky, contact sport NEED to become compulsory?

I don't doubt we'll come up against resistance, but I hate blind compliance in the face of a really controversial issue where there is plenty of evidence of the risks, and even the professional game (& other contact sports like American Football & Ice Hockey) are grappling with the issue of concussion & head injuries.

@redsky21

That is the same as our local secondary school, there's no choice in PE activities until 6th form . The first 5 years are set sports, which includes rugby every year.

@AsTheWorldTurns Another who thinks your school is unusual.
the "norm", IME, is that everyone tries EVERY sport, offered in rotation.

Of course you can choose to play for teams after school in addition, but choosing not to play for the team doesn't mean you can opt out of any of the sports taught in rotation - at least up to end of Yr9, when the year splits into GCSE PE pupils and non-GCSE pupils when things vary more.

I agree OP. There's no need for it really but private schools do it because it's part of their idea of what it takes to create tough, competitive young people.

If they won't allow him not to do it, change schools. The problem is that by withdrawing him, you're drawing attention to his physical differences too...might make him the butt of jokes.

Some of the 9 year olds I know are quite big and strong so YANBU for worrying.

I'd move school if contact rugby was compulsory. Obviously there's risk of serious injury in any physical activity, but rugby is the worst for it in the UK. Should be optional.

Definitely do not consent to contact rugby. He will thank you in 30 years when he does not have senile dementia.