AIBU in withdrawing DS from contact rugby in junior school?

[swearymary100]

My DS attends a private school that is strong in sport. He has attended since nursery, before I knew about his non-sporty-ness!
He is 9 and in Yr 4. This academic year Rugby moves from non-contact to contact. All the kids are getting mouth guards & headgear.
My DS is tiny. He weighs 3.4 stone and is 114cm tall - about size of average 5-6 year old. He has always been small & there is no-one in his year as little.
He is into music & dance & cross-country running; he is fit & very active. He hates rugby.

So, I want to withdraw him (if school consents) from contact rugby.
The risk of concussion & injury is too high given that his head will be at the chest/shoulder height of his peers.

I have researched this issue to death & for every expert saying 'don't be bloody stupid - ban tackling in schools' there is another one saying 'it's fine, stop being a precious twat'.

I know that all activity involves risks of accidents, but rugby deliberately encourages tackling and there is impact & concussion risk.

Does anyone have experience of this & AIBU?

The quote is "football is a gentleman's game played by ruffians; rugby is a ruffian's game played by gentlemen." It's meant to point out exactly the paradox that rugby is an immensely physical game, but has an ethos (at least on the surface) of fair play and sporting behaviour.

Before everyone goes off the deep end about the "at least on the surface" bit of that, I have watched and loved rugby for getting on for 50 years - but like any other sport, it's played by human beings some of whom are highly fallible (from all sorts of things happening on the ref's blindside, through to the Ulster rugby rape trial, and the All Blacks welcoming a convicted domestic abuser back onto the team).

When DS played rugby I loved the attitude of fair play and the attitude of the parents and coaches towards fostering sporting values - but I didn't kid myself that was universal. (Incidentally, DS's football team and the parents and coaches there foster exactly the same values - it's not unique to rugby).

In terms of fair play - I had a friend who's son played rugby at a high school level - the local schools seemed to be pretty crappy on that front. That is, after a match there were numerous occasions that her DS would have to put his tracksuit on over his sweaty, muddy kit and go home rather than have a bath at the venue.

I wouldn't recommend it but my brother realized that if he 'forgot' his kit up to three times a term he'd avoid a detention. That and he could forge my mum's handwriting not long after.

Just saying,

You can have a perfectly adequate PT regime of solitary/group fitness without a single team game. I'm not averse to them in principle but then I'm an adult who can choose their own company. Forced association is not socialization and team sports can and do go horribly wrong without checks and balances when it comes to fuelling social divisions.

Have you meditated on why alcohol is banned at football games, but permitted at rugby games?

Class related bollocks I should imagine.

Actually my DS does athletics for a club (middle distance runner) and I was quite surprised by how much of a team thing it is. They all train as a group and when they compete against other clubs they are all cheering each other on in their races. Even when there are two of them competing in the same race, they are encouraging and supportive of each other to do the best they can.

I’d actually say they are more supportive of each other than DS’s football team, which contains a couple of ball hogging divas.

I’m still laughing at the pp who said that rugby is optional in secondary schools! Not round here it isn’t! DS played tag rugby till he was 8 and that is the standard age to change to contact. Given the small stature of your son perhaps you could talk to the PE staff about him continuing to play the tag version.

We just stated that we didn't want contact rugby- boys' independent school, very sporty. They were fine about it and he mostly did other sports /activities instead.

But then one of their pupils had broken his neck a few years earlier playing club rugby one weekend.

I don't buy the whole esprit de corps through rugby playing mentality. If you enjoy that sort of activity, fine,but don't force it on others if they don't feel the same way. My DS's character has turned out fine.

Class related bollocks I should imagine

And again, there are two codes of rugby.

Rugby League is the ultimate “working man’s game” historically.

Rugby League is a minority sport though.

And the people being all rah rah about rugby being good for their little darlings’ characters at prep school ain’t talking about rugby league.

I don't think I've ever met anyone who played rugby league.

I don't think I've ever met anyone who played rugby league

Nice to meet you, I’ve played rep level

And the people being all rah rah about rugby being good for their little darlings’ characters at prep school ain’t talking about rugby league

I coach it in the prep schools around here...

I want to withdraw him (if school consents)

I don't understand requiring consent from a school which you are paying for. If they cut up about it, they can consent to you withdrawing your son entirely.

You’ve surprised me there Jacques. Based up north presumably? Does the school also offer union?

I come from a (Welsh) union family and live in a northern (league) town with a DH and two sons who love football and have no interest in rugby. Breaks my Dad’s heart but my sons won’t ever play either code competitively.

By the way in our town there is little to choose between rugby and football supporters for drunken yobishness, so the drinking rule seems pretty daft.

I would Maybe have a chat with the games department and see what they can advise, they will have had this scenario before. I doubt he will get much proper contact at this stage really but perhaps the games staff can monitor and reassure you.

Based up north presumably? Does the school also offer union?

Yup up north. Some do just League, some just Union, some a mix.

By the way in our town there is little to choose between rugby and football supporters for drunken yobishness, so the drinking rule seems pretty daft

No idea where you live but I’ve been involved with rugby league since 1994 as a spectator, player and in a professional capacity.

I also had a football season ticket. I’ve given up the football because it was such a hideous atmosphere.

I’m not naive enough to pretend there’s never an issue. But on the whole rugby league is a far better environment to be a fan than football.