To ask that only 1 parent per child accompany to bday party?

[SuzieQ10]

My DC's bday party is coming up. I'm planning to do the invitations and give out at school this week, she's starting reception. Inviting the whole class of 30 plus 8 cousins / family friends plus their parents.

Due to capacity we can only accommodate up to 80 guests maximum.

Is is very rude to ask that only 1 parent accompany each school child? I know not everyone will RSVP yes, but given it's the first reception class party I'm worried lots will bring 2 parents and we'll be over the venues limit.

FrauHaribo children's parties are for children - for the classmates or friends of the birthday child to celebrate with the birthday child, they're not couple/ family time for their parents. It completely changes and hijacks the event, which is not about the guests' parents!

With our PFB both my DH & I took him to parties and stayed - we didn't realise it wasn't the done thing . It stopped when we had more DCs but that was because someone needed to mind them, otherwise we'd have carried on both going. By our 3rd DC, we dropped and ran by age 5/6!

Definitely ok to stipulate one parent, and don’t forget to add ‘no siblings’.

You may find one or two parents ask if if they can bring little Johnny along, and obviously babe in arms are fine, but you dob’t want to find yourself with sixty children.

Quite reasonable but you need to be a little flexible, what if one parent doesn't drive and the other is socially awkward (our situation at that stage) what if it's a single mum? Either you need to accept drop offs or realise the one parent no siblings needs to be less rigid

I agree with this. I'd have no problem taking DS to a party by myself, but I don't drive, so DH would have to drop us and then sit in the car for the duration. Which isn't really fair. He would probably be inclined to say "shall we not bother?" (I wouldn't if we'd RSVPd to say yes) but it would be a potential ball ache.

PP's suggested lines at the start are fine. I wouldnt overthink it. You do need to say, as some parents will turn up with siblings and partners in tow.
There will still be the odd parent that turns up enmasse but some invitees who can't make it.

It's the start of the school year when most of the class will still be 4, it would be very unlikely imo that all the parents expect the OP to be in charge of 30 children she barely knows.

Is that really a thing or people missing that this is a reception party.

Not rude at all and also stress no siblings

Grandmi
I agree with you. I'm quite a bit older than your children but don't ever recall my mum staying at a party unless she was close friends with the birthday child's mum.
Usually birthday child's family were there, plus a couple of their close friends and they'd watch over all the kids.

No parent would expect to turn up and be catered for (though some would have a quick cuppa if their DC was being clingy). Nobody would bring siblings randomly.

I'm dreading primary parties now if it's now expected that parties are a whole multi family event.

Good grief 80 people? 1 poor little overwhelmed 5 year old?

Just let the kid choose 5 friends, no parents and let them play and have fun. That is what a 5 year old wants, not loads of cousins, neighbours, friends kids.

- Ok so my children are lat teens early 20s ...so obviously different generation but it was unheard of for parents to stay at parties with their children !! Why would you do that ?I

My kids are in their 20's and I found it just depended on the class. With one kid every party was a big social get together for all the kids and all the parents. It was great fun. Most of the parties were class parties with all the sibling and both parents invited.

However with the other kids it was a lot more toned down. All the same generation just different groups.

I don't think their is a 'normal'. Everyone should arrange the party they want to arrange and as long as they communicate what it is then that's ok.

It completely changes and hijacks the event, which is not about the guests' parents!

how?
Unless the parents push the kids out of the way and start playing football/dancing/climb the softplay, having parents around keeping an eye on their offsprings has no effect on the actual party, it just helps the host who has plenty of hands when toilets are needed, kids fall down, food needs to be brought and distributed and so on.

I haven't seen any party yet where parents took over and spoiled the kids fun

Just let the kid choose 5 friends, no parents and let them play and have fun. That is what a 5 year old wants, not loads of cousins, neighbours, friends kids.

of course that's not true. A 5 year old is not a 1 year old.

Some kids are happy with a handful of friends, others love a class party. Your own kids will be happier if you don't project your own taste on them and let them pick what they actually like.
I have heard more parents saying no to a class party because of the cost than the kids being miserably pushed to have one.

At reception and on, we’ve always just dropped and run. We were one of the first class parties that year and I literally had to chase parents down the road to even get a contact number they ran away so fast. I had no idea who half the kids were!

I think that’s fine to state, but be prepared for none at all to stay and how you’ll manage that.

FrauHaribo because people don't mix and tend to keep their child with them more at these "family time" birthday parties, and the focus isn't on the birthday child any more.

I agree with Noknit that where children actually know one another (any time apart from autumn term of a new school) a small party with the children's actual friends is far more of a birthday party for the child - once there are 30 kids there many won't play or interact with the birthday child at all after initially handing over a present or being greeted on entry.

A whole class party is more a class get together than a special event for one child. Some children will obviously have fun playing without a second nod to the birthday child because the group is just too big. Some might not really even know who the birthday child is and vice versa, for an early autumn term birthday.

However in the autumn term where children have started a new school it does make sense as a way of putting names to faces, and might be the only realistic option if the child wants a party and their parents want to grant that birthday wish.

because people don't mix and tend to keep their child with them more at these "family time" birthday parties, and the focus isn't on the birthday child any more.

I've never witnessed anything like that!

I don't know what kind of parties you have organised or been to, but I am lucky my experience is totally different from yours.

I am not sure I understand what you mean by the kids focus being on the "birthday child"! Kids all join in whatever activities is on offer, the entire party doesn't have to be entirely centered around the birthday child. It sounds weird!

You're inviting 38? Hope it goes great but screams look at me, look at me, I can afford to invite the whole class... but if it's your thing, I guess enjoy.

bitter much "saoirse3"? What's wrong with a class party now? Add a few friends from clubs and the numbers go up.
How tight do you have to be to look down at someone who will buy a couple more sausage rolls and cupcakes

Not a bit bitter! Just think it's crazy ostentatiousness for the sake of it, and I feel a certain amount of pity for the families that cant do that. Which I accept is unreasonable!

When you see the amount of threads from posters miserable because their kids don't get invited anywhere, I really cannot see the issue with class parties when the birthday child wants one.

It might be ostentatious if you fly the whole class to DisneyWorld, but most parties in a hall, soft play or other are so low key that adding 5 or 10 children don't add anything to the general cost anyway.

FrauHaribo Most of the children's parties I've hosted for my own children (30 parties and counting) have been either 1 parent plus small tots for very young children, or drop and run parties for children aged 4 and up, with DH and I running the party for 8 or so children a friend and/ or teenaged child of a friend of mine helping when the children were very little. These parties were always rather lovely. Their friends had similar parties.

When dc3 started being invited to parties this weird phenomenon of two parents accompanying one toddler went on, which took me by surprise and turned out to be far less of a children's party and far more a bunch of couples doing activities with their children and engaging in occasional small talk, couple to couple over the children, with the children not interacting much. Really rather pants compared to the parties my older children had and went to as preschoolers.

Mostly this stopped when the drop off parties started at 4, sometimes 5 with that set. The parties still involving whole families after age 5 were only for situations where rustling up enough friends was unlikely otherwise - middle of August or new to the area or similar. Those seemed to be "making the best of it" parties. Once drop off parties started that cohort of children were also very noticeably worse behaved and more demanding too, whether coincidentally or not.

So I much prefer the lower key, one parent then drop off parties model - the children always seemed happier and were certainly better behaved and more competent for their ages too.

As far as I could see there were two reasons to stay at reception parties:

• toiletting - DS1 wasn’t confident enough at 4 to ask an unknown adult where the loo was and might instead have wet himself
• crowd control - some people don’t have family who can come and help

We’ve done both kinds of party and each has its own merits!

You could put :
+1 parent/carer on the invite.

I have never experienced two parents showing up to a kid’s party . Do people really do this; refuse to be parted from each other for the duration of a kid’s party?!

see, we do have completely different experience. We very rarely have home parties for kids around my kids, and the parents who come to class parties don't get involved unless their kids or the host needs them!

Up to 10 kids usually means more expensive activities where numbers are limited due to cost, and the parents are not invited to join in by whatever activity leader there is.

Parents who drop and run are an absolute pain, as you need to keep an eye on their kids instead of doing something else.

Why would your oh have to sit in the car outside the venue for the duration of the party, DadCanIHaveAZedgie?! Why can’t he go and do something else for the duration, and then return and pick you up??

@DadCanIHaveAZedgie I agree with this. I'd have no problem taking DS to a party by myself, but I don't drive, so DH would have to drop us and then sit in the car for the duration. Which isn't really fair. He would probably be inclined to say "shall we not bother?" (I wouldn't if we'd RSVPd to say yes) but it would be a potential ball ache.

I don't drive either, but this means that I take the kids to parties either on foot or by public transport. And we don't have a car as a family even though my husband can drive, because we don't want one. Surely at primary school most parties are within easy reach of home?

I find it really shocking that you wouldn't drive but would just take it for granted that this means you can't go anywhere by yourself. What sort of a way is that to live as an adult, assuming you don't have disabilities that mean you need a permanent care assistant?

Not driving doesn't prevent me from doing anything - if it ever meant that I relied on another person to do basic parenting, I would learn to drive.