Dad’s new girlfriend

[Dazednconfused11]

First post so please bear with me. My wonderful mother died just over a year ago and my father has now met someone else. AIBU in being upset over this? Over the past 6 weeks or so he has lied constantly to the family about where he’s going and what he’s been doing. He hasn’t even told us that he is seeing someone yet the signs are obvious. Her clothing is hanging in the wardrobe next to my mothers clothes, her make up has been left lying around and they’ve been sleeping in my mother’s bed where she died. I find this extremely hurtful and disrespect to my mother. He invited her to a party where we all were and it was obvious they were together yet he still didn’t tell us or introduce her to us. My brother became very angry at him and an argument ensued then my brother left. He texted my father the next day to say he was sorry for the way in which he had spoken to him but not what he said. My brothers and sister all feel the same way and my brother is not prepared to let my father see his grandkids until this is sorted out. My father has ignored any communication with my brother and acting as if nothing has happened. We knew that he would meet someone else one day yet expected to be introduced/informed in an adult way. I know he’s entitled to his own life and privacy but he’s pushing all his children away with his behaviour. The whole situation is getting me down and don’t really want to be around him as fe he is constantly lying to me. Has anyone any advice or been through similar. Sorry for long post. Thanks

Yep. The trust thing is deeply concerning. Has anyone asked him why he wanted that?

@ThatssomebadhatHarry omg yes about the step mum! The first gf my dad had was my godmother too.

You’re not being unreasonable in how you feel about how he has handled all this. And if you suspect she is taking things of your mothers, then obviously you are going to be worried about her character, and whether she is taking advantage of your DF who is obviously going to be vulnerable only a year after your mothers death. This is why you need a formal introduction to see exactly who she is and what sort of person she is. You’re looking after your father’s best interests. Although, be warned, if she isn’t someone you would want your father involved with, he probably won’t want to hear - I had similar situation with my DF and his new gf, and despite us telling him what a horrible person she was, it took years before the rose tinted spectacles came off.

Altering a Will belonging to someone else without their consent is a crime. Asking the beneficiaries of a trust to close it, is not a crime. They’re not remotely the same thing

You are misinterperating my post - I should have worded it more clearly. I am not suggesting a crime, nor that he has altered the Will in the "forging it" sense. However, he was attempting to alter his late wife's wishes, which presumably would have been laid out in her Will, hence changing it.

I don't expect you to personally know why he wants to change the Trust (thats more of a rhetorical question) but the OP has stated that he can sell the house with no problems.

My friends Dad had a new Gf 12 weeks after her mother died.

My sister was widowed two years ago and has a BF, the woman has lost all sense of reality and is not bothering at all with any of her family. I am now just letting her get on with it, if this guy is after her money then so be it. I have had enough of her over sharing intimate details,Grief does very odd things to people.

I’m very sorry you are grieving and at the loss of your Mum.

YABU. Your dad has every right to live his life as he sees fit, please respect that. It’s up to you to build bridges now.

So sorry, YANBU.

It’s up to you to build bridges now

Why?

Is the OP responsible for the consequences of her father’s behaviour?

*TheCatsACunt
"It’s up to you to build bridges now
Why?"

Because in regards to the GF, he's done nothing wrong.

Why is this different than a Parent wanting to control their adult children's sex and dating life?

Most of the problems with MILs is that is what they wanted to do. This is just the other way round.

It's hard. My mum died nearly three years ago and nine months on my dad was involved with a woman younger than me. I found it so hard as was only informed over the phone and he didn't want to introduce her. Two days before christmas (we were hosting) and received a phone call from dad that he wanted to bring her. It was so hard on my nephew who had adored my mum and tge rest of us. She was awful, didnt thank us for dinner, got pissed and tgen straight after dinner dragged my dad away. It last eight months and then she found someone younger. I know my dad bankrolled her but it caused so much trouble in the family and only now are we all starting to rebuild the relationship again. We found we had to just get on with it though. She turned up at family occasions and we just had to grit our teeth

@saraclara

"Telling you to 'take your mums stuff or it will be thrown out' is awful"

"Why? I had to say the same to my daughters, eventually. I'm trying to cull the amount of stuff I have. And I've reached the point where I don't need the comfort of my late husband's belongings around. But I would hate to get rid of anything that was of sentimental value to either of my daughters. So I asked them to come round and take anything they wanted of their dad's, as I would be talking a load of stuff to the charity shops in a week or two. They were fine with it'
Of course they were fine with it. You eventually asked them to come and take any items they wanted. You said you would take unwanted items to charity.

He hasn't said he'll send the unwanted items to charity. He said he'll throw it out. I think he said "throw it in the bucket" which I presume means the rubbish bin. That is being totally disrespectful. If he'd said he'd take it to the charity shop I'm pretty sure the OP would feel differently about it.

I also find it odd that his new woman hangs up her clothes in the wardrobe next to his dead wife's clothes. He has said he's going to throw them out but hasn't (which makes me wonder why he has said it). I wonder if he would like his children to come and take them away for him but hasn't asked them.

OP, why don' you suggest you take your DM's stuff to a charity shop and see what he says?

I actually get where your coming from.
A Male relative I was very close to did similar, he had a new live in gf about 6 months after his wife of 40 years had died. I was so upset, she was really nice but it felt so soon after the loss. I slowly lost touch with him and dont regret that. It wasnt the same as you, I didnt stand to lose anything from him moving on, but i was gutted that he had so little respect for his wife.
I did wonder first if he'd been having an affair, then I wondered if his wife had told him to move on quickly. None of my business but yeah I think badly of him.

Picking out the parts I think are not unreasonable to upset OP, and it is rude crappy behaviour from a grown man:

• Lying to them
• Turning up to a family party with a woman they don’t know and not introducing them
• Saying he will throw their DM’s things away after a discussion about letting them know when to collect thins
• Ignoring them when they try to speak to him
• Ignoring his DGC
• Not bothered about how his children are feeling
• trying to gain control of the trust
• lost jewellery

None of that is ok even if it was in reverse and a parent talking about their child. The child would be being very rude. I would be hurt if my child did this or my parent