with friend

[namechangedforthisOP]

NC as possibly outing but want other peoples views on wether i am being unreasonable...

Friend has a spare key to my house incase i lose my key and i need to get in. Was supposed to be coming round to my house yesterday but i was out and running late so instead of ringing to ask where i was/ why i wasnt answering the door she proceeded to let herself into my home and make herself comfortable, without asking me! So, i took the key off her. AIBU? i felt it was a massive invasion of privacy and actually thought she was a cheeky fucker!

I would have done the same as your friend. It was rude if you were running late and didn’t let her know. Was she just meant to sit on the doorstep and wait for you?
I have a key to my friends house and if she wasn’t in at the time we had arranged for me to come round I would let myself in and make a cuppa.

I agree - massively over stepping the line there. YANBU.

YANBU. I’d have done exactly the same as you OP

@Rose789 well im glad im not your friend.

I disagree. Unless she lives next door or something then it was rude to keep her waiting on your doorstep! You could have texted when you knew you were running late. If she just went in got a drink and was waiting downstairs I wouldn't see the issue. If she was helping herself to your food and using your phone and having a nap in your bed or something then that's different t

@MrsExpo @EdersonsSmileyTattoo i felt massively awkward! i was honestly gobsmacked i would never dream of entering somebody elses property without permission first!

Was it raining?

I also would expect my friend to let herself in and have a cup of coffee ready for me.

If I trusted her to have a key and I was the one who was Kate, I wouldn't expect her to wait outside. Weird IMHO

But not something that you will need to worry about anymore as this friendship is damaged now

I think it was rude of you to be late, and wouldn’t be even remotely put out by her being sensible and using her key rather than waiting on the doorstep/in the car. I let myself into my friends house if she’s not there when I show up, it’s never been discussed, it just seems normal. People do it to me too, eg family and friends who know where the spare key is.

YANBU. Does this mean she is was just walking around with your key on her key ring all the time rather than having it stowed in a safe place?

The lateness is a separate issue, you should have let her know.

It wasnt raining. I just would never dream of entering somebody elses hone without asking first!

@WaggingKnife yes she had it on her set of keys and walks round with it which also didn't make me feel comfortable. She told me she would ring when she was on her way and as she hadnt rang i expected she was running late from work. Hence why i never rang her as it was only 10 mins late

She was a bit presumptive to just let herself in. But it's also rude to leave her standing on the doorstep because you were running late - if I'd have been you in that situation I would have apologised that I was running late and told her to let herself in and make herself a cuppa etc whilst she was waiting.

If I trusted a friend enough to give them a spare key then I'd trust them to let themselves in and make us a coffee. It would be weird to expect them to wait on the doorstep (imo )

Tbh it depends on your relationship with her and the kind of person she is.
I've given keys to 2 friends. One would've let herself in without letting me know ...funnily enough she's no longer a friend. The other wouldn't...but I'd have rung her and said I'm late, let yourself in and put the kettle on. So I understand your reaction and think yanbu.

@Ribeebie i apologised massively but as she never rang me like she said she would when she was on her way i didn't realise she would be there before me. Not meaning to drip feed sorry. I would of told her to let herself in its the fact that she never asked and just let herself in before i told her to!

@shoofly that is exactly what i mean.

Wouldnt bother me but I'd only give a key to an actual friend ie someone I trusted.

I'd have felt terrible at leaving someone hanging around outside waiting for me to get back. YABU

It wouldn't bother me. If I have anyone a key and I was late, of expect them to go in and wait. I trust them to have my key, I also trust them to be in my house a lone. I have a friend who just walks in without knocking, I'd leave her in the house if I had to go to work and she didn't need to leave as early as me. She could even have a snoop for all I care. We talk about anything and everything anyway. 🙈

i think leaving her dirty plate and leftovers on the side and making a mess contributed to me being pissed off tbh.

Wouldn’t bother me either but main thing is, it bothers you. If you value your friendship just talk about how it’s made you feel and listen to her thinking which is just different to yours. Doesn’t sound like she’s a bad person.

@Merename she is not a bad person, i love her a lot and cherish our friendship. I just explained to her that i am a very very private person and i felt she invaded my privacy which she knows i have good reasons for.

Blimey I'm glad you are not my friend. One of my friends has a key to my house, I would be mortified if she DIDN'T let her self in and make herself at home , especially if I was the one running late. I guess you don't value her friendship that highly ?

Giving a key to me would have suggested to her you were ok with this. I think you were a bit harsh. But I seem to always be on the opposite side of mumsnetters. Maybe I'm a CF

If I gave my key to a friend it would be in the knowledge that they may use it some day. Why would you give your key to someone you would feel uncomfortable with in your home?

Honestly, if my friend arrived before me (whether I was late or not) I'd expect her to let herself in and get the kettle on.
But then, as I said, I wouldn't give a key to someone I was not wholly comfortable with.