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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

with friend

117 replies

namechangedforthisOP · 07/09/2019 14:58

NC as possibly outing but want other peoples views on wether i am being unreasonable...

Friend has a spare key to my house incase i lose my key and i need to get in. Was supposed to be coming round to my house yesterday but i was out and running late so instead of ringing to ask where i was/ why i wasnt answering the door she proceeded to let herself into my home and make herself comfortable, without asking me! So, i took the key off her. AIBU? i felt it was a massive invasion of privacy and actually thought she was a cheeky fucker!

OP posts:
lawnmowingsucks · 07/09/2019 15:48

When you originally gave her the key you should have been very very specific and clear about your very very private-ness,

if you weren't very very specific about your extreme private-ness then you ARE BU in taking the key off her. Also you're being rude and unkind.

However if you'd already clearly and specifically explained to your friend about your expectations of how she should use the key because of your very very private-ness, - then SHE is being unreasonable

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 07/09/2019 15:50

Have neither of you heard of mobile phones? Honestly in this day and age I'm gobsmacked no one called or texted.

Icantthinkofanynewnames · 07/09/2019 15:51

You were rude and unreasonable.

Madhatterhouse · 07/09/2019 15:53

You you’re ok with her having a key for your convenience in case you lose yours. But you don’t want her letting herself in with it when you’re late, inconveniencing her. YABVU.

Sparklesocks · 07/09/2019 15:53

I wouldn’t have minded to be honest, if we were close friends. She probably should’ve asked/mentioned it but I’m thinking about if I was in this scenario with close mates of mine and it wouldn’t bother me. But it’s your house so you might feel differently.

InterestingView · 07/09/2019 15:54

YABU

you're asking if YABU or not but not wanting to accept that you are BU. there seems to be a massive drip feed coming though because you say you're very private and have good reason to be etc I.e you're a spy?

You say you love her and cherish her etc and trust her with a key yet dont like/trust her enough to let herself in. YABU.

Bluntness100 · 07/09/2019 15:54

So you were only ten mins late and she had made her self something to eat in that time and left her dirty dishes on the side? Aye, right,

Personally if I gave my friend a key I'd have told them to use it, not sit waiting on my door step, and if I was running late I'd never be so rude as not to tell the person.

Out of the two of you, I'd say you behaved worse.

Original poster
namechangedforthisOP · 07/09/2019 15:54

@CloudsCanLookLikeSheep she said she would ring when she was leaving work, which she never! I was waiting for her to call and obviously didnt want to ring incase she was running late in work.

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangedforthisOP · 07/09/2019 15:56

@Bluntness100 did i once say that she made the food without me there? no, i never. She made herself food whilst i was there and i disnt realise that she didn't clean up after herself until just as she had left.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/09/2019 15:57

I just explained to her that i am a very very private person

I think then it's only fair the next time you give someone the key, you need to explain you're a very very private person and that it's purely for your convenience and that you'd prefer them to Stand waiting on your doorstep rather than go in without your permission.

It's only right you're up front about your extreme privacy issues.

Cannyhandleit · 07/09/2019 15:59

You said you were running late. Then you said she was supposed to call you to let you know so really you weren't late because she never called. Now you are saying she had been there long enough to make herself something to eat and make a mess....... how fecking late were you??
I have Keys to 2 friends houses for the same reason (i keep them in my key ring) and they have mine. I would have no problem if they let themselves in if I wasn't there and I know 100% they wouldn't mind neither! You say you cherish your friendship but I'm pretty sure you should reword that to 'cherished' as I wouldn't expect her to keep up the friendship now.

Original poster
namechangedforthisOP · 07/09/2019 16:00

It actually has baffled me that most are saying i am being unreasonable because she didnt let me know she was going to enter my home. Even a text to say "Hi can i use the key to go in?" i would of had no problem. Its the fact that she didn't ask.

OP posts:
Greywalls12 · 07/09/2019 16:00

If I'd given and trusted my friend with a key, i wouldn't have a problem with them letring themselves in at all, unless it was an unplanned visit

Sparklesocks · 07/09/2019 16:01

If you post on AIBU you need to expect that people might say YABU rather than agreeing with everything you say. And this post has been a bit confusing as most of the info has been drip fed throughout the thread.

onalongsabbatical · 07/09/2019 16:01

So, you gave her a key, she let herself in, you were pissed off and then you let her make herself something to eat while she was there and you didn't notice she hadn't cleared up her food prep mess until after she'd gone? Ha ha ha ha ha - either you're bonkers or it wasn't like that.

Original poster
namechangedforthisOP · 07/09/2019 16:02

Thank you all for your honest replies. I will call her and apologise for being out of order as it seems i must be.

OP posts:
madeofstarlight · 07/09/2019 16:02

I wouldn't be giving my key out to people I wasn't happy with letting themselves in if I'm running late. So yes, I think YABU. It's not as if she just turned up out of the blue and started chilling in there.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 07/09/2019 16:02

I think leaving her dirty plate and leftovers on the side and making a mess contributed to me being pissed off tbh.

So in ten minutes she'd made food, eaten what she wanted of it and left the plate in the kitchen?

I bet she took the prime ingredient to the special meal you we going to cook tonight, too.

brassbrass · 07/09/2019 16:03

Why was she carrying the spare key with her? Surely it sits in a drawer until it's required by you in an emergency? She brought it along with her. How odd. I think you did the right thing.

Did she try to get hold of you at all to find out why you were running late?

Original poster
namechangedforthisOP · 07/09/2019 16:03

@onalongsabbatical i was getting mu baby bathed so hadnt been into the kitchen until after she had left.

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangedforthisOP · 07/09/2019 16:04

@brassbrass exactly. No not one call or text until she was in my home. I gave her a key expecting it to be left at her home incase of emergencies.

OP posts:
chesterdraws1 · 07/09/2019 16:08

People on MN are so fucking weird

Timandra · 07/09/2019 16:09

I'm glad you're going to apologise.

I would definitely be happy for a friend who I'd trusted with a key to let herself in.

A friend who lives across the road and I walk into each other's houses, just calling out hello, on a daily basis. Much easier than having to go to the front door to let each other in.

Original poster
namechangedforthisOP · 07/09/2019 16:11

I have an alarm on my house via police due to massive fear of DV so i get freaked out massively if i think someone is in my house and dont know so i suppose it just didnt sit right with me but ill give her a call. Not worth losing a friendship and i seem to have overreacted. I just dont like how she didnt let me know having known how nervous i am in my property.

OP posts:
ButterPie1 · 07/09/2019 16:12

Agree with previous poster, I'd expect a brew /glass of vino ready and waiting 😂😂😂

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