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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

with friend

117 replies

namechangedforthisOP · 07/09/2019 14:58

NC as possibly outing but want other peoples views on wether i am being unreasonable...

Friend has a spare key to my house incase i lose my key and i need to get in. Was supposed to be coming round to my house yesterday but i was out and running late so instead of ringing to ask where i was/ why i wasnt answering the door she proceeded to let herself into my home and make herself comfortable, without asking me! So, i took the key off her. AIBU? i felt it was a massive invasion of privacy and actually thought she was a cheeky fucker!

OP posts:

whattodowith · 08/09/2019 10:34

Rude of you to be late and to expect her to wait on your doorstep for you to return. If she’s a close enough friend to have a house key then you shouldn’t take umbrage with her letting herself in imo.

Original poster

namechangedforthisOP · 08/09/2019 11:47

im honestly shocked at how many people on this thread have replied saying that you would enter somebody elses home without permission. I would expect anybody, no matter how close we where, to ask me before hand because its just having respect for that other person. Ive apologised about how i handled the situation to her but i won't be giving my key back to her as it just over stepped boundaries. I will be giving my key to my grandmother as i know she wouldnt dream of carrying MY key around on her keys and will keep it safely in her house. But thank you all for your opinions

OP posts:

SoyDora · 08/09/2019 11:53

I would only give a key to someone I trusted and was comfortable with entering my house when I wasn’t there.
The differing views on here suggest that it’s just that... a case of differing views. She thought you’d be comfortable with her letting herself in, you thought it was clear the key was just for your own use. Glad it’s sorted now.

Cheeserton · 08/09/2019 12:15

im honestly shocked at how many people on this thread have replied saying that you would enter somebody elses home without permission
You're not alone there...

bobstersmum · 08/09/2019 12:20

So she's good enough to be trusted with a key but when she uses it for a legitimate reason you go mad? You either trust her or you don't?

CacenCrunch · 08/09/2019 12:23

It honestly wouldn't bother me at all

Joloupic2019 · 08/09/2019 13:29

I agree I wouldn't have an issue if my friend let themselves in, when they had a key. If she's a trusted friend to have a key then what's the problem?

burnoutbabe · 08/09/2019 17:53

But why would anyone expect their friends who have their emergency set of keys to have them in their person when visiting? I'd assume they would be safe in a drawer somewhere.
I'd maybe expect my parents to bring the keys if visiting me and maybe arriving before I am home from work but not a local friend.
I can trust someone to look after an item for me without it meaning I am giving them free run of my house.

Original poster

namechangedforthisOP · 08/09/2019 19:21

@burnoutbabe thank you, my point exactly.

OP posts:

WillLokireturn · 08/09/2019 21:19

I agree with burnoutbabe too

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 08/09/2019 21:25

I'm like you OP - I'd be ok with her being there if she let me know that she was going to do it, but just walking in and finding someone who wasn't DP (or a known person who was staying with us) in my home would creep me right the fuck out. I'd have been a wimp and just said that I wished they'd given me a warning about 65 times or so though

SavingSpaces2019 · 08/09/2019 23:26

Friend has a spare key to my house incase i lose my key and i need to get in
So it should have been safe in her house instead of on her set of keys and walks round with it
If she loses her keys/get stolen then you have no spare key either and would need to get another cut.

She wasn't keeping your spare key safe....she was treating it like her own keys hence feeling entitled to let herself in.

F89O19 · 02/10/2019 11:47

To be honest. I think you were both guilty of doing something wrong. And rather than take your key back and accusing her of breaking trust. It would of been best to use this as a learning opportunity and explain how it made you feel uncomfortable and you'd rather she let you know in future. And whether you thought you would be there before her or not. It's always best to tell someone if you are running late.
Think a chat over a cup of tea and giving key back would be a way to mend your friendship and learn from both your mistakes. X

RIBlue · 02/10/2019 11:58

Wouldn’t bother me at all, I would expect them to and would have messaged to say I was running late and to go on on.

For people saying why would she have the key on her, I would have thought it was the best place. I’m very rarely just sitting around at home so if you phoned to say you were locked out I’d have my keys with me and be able to come straight over, rather than leave wherever I was, go home, rootle around and find the key in the ‘safe drawer’ and then come over to you.

Benes · 02/10/2019 12:02

The people who have my keys are welcome to let themselves in.... particularly in the scenario in the OP. I wouldn't want my friends sat on the doorstep when they could be inside.

Zebraaa · 02/10/2019 12:04

I agree with you OP. At the very least she should have texted and asked if she could wait inside. I don’t know anybody who’d just go in without permission! What if she does this when you’re not around?

Lucifer666 · 02/10/2019 12:38

OP you are not BU, I'd be pretty pissed off if my friend let themselves into my home if I wasn't there. Although if I had been running late I would have phoned or texted ahead and said its ok to let themselves in and make some tea but doing it without asking is a no no my home is my haven my safe place and I'm funny about people coming into my home anyway. It's each to their own some people don't mind some people do mind. Your friend could have at least called or texted and asked you if you would mind her letting herself in. It sounds like you both need to communicate a bit more about your boundaries

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