Was I BU to tell her she was nasty?

[itseasybeingcheesy]

So I apologise for the MIL in law thread but I'm seething with anger and I know I'm not rational. Am I out of order? Do I need to make an apology to my MIL?

We're at the park with my DS, and 2 DDs. DS is a newborn. My DH is running around the pavilion with my two DDs being great.

MIL says to me "I've been meaning to ask him when his baby is due".

I look at her shocked and say "that's so nasty". She says it isn't nasty and what is wrong with it? And I tell her she shouldn't say things like that because she is calling her own son fat and she would be devastated if someone said that to her. She again said she didn't know what was wrong with saying it and I told her she had to stop being so nasty and she should never say things like that in front of my children because they will copy her nastiness.

We haven't spoken since. DH did not over hear.
So as not to drip feed - we don't have a great relationship with MIL as she is very negative and has form for saying completely unacceptable things in front of the children. She's quite emotionally manipulative and will often cry if I call her out on being horrible.

Nevertheless I may have overreacted, would you have put up with it? Do I need to apologise?

I'd laugh my head off if my MIL said that about my DH! So on paper I'd say you overreacted. Plus it's her son and if she wants to make a joke she can.

However, if you have other issues I can see why you may have reacted that way. Sounds like it was maybe the tip of the iceburg...

I'd probably have chuckled

Sorry

Complete over reaction on your part op

My nephew asked my Dad if he was pregnant the other day. Dad's cut back on biscuits.

It is nasty, it's not relationship destroying, there's obviously more going on.

In isolation it's funny. And would be a wake up call to someone to cut back on their carbs (or whatever)

The fact that she's got history and is doing this in front of the kids as well is completely out of line. Tell her that her company is not wanted in future.

Well yeah, of course its a nasty thing to say.

I find it bizarre that she has this as a topic of conversation with you, but as she has given you the opportunity to comment you are perfectly at liberty to point out that its nasty.

Too bad she won't listen. Keep calling her out,she might, just maybe, start to get the message

I dont think you've done anything wrong but at the end of the day its between her and her ds, if she does this and he's insulted by her. She'll be the one with the problem then. Well I hope he doesn't just accept this kind of crap from her!

Sorry I would’ve found it funny

🙄

When is it due?

A definite overreaction on your part

Hm this is the kind of thing my mum would say to DH about me!
I'd love it if he stuck up for me like you're doing for your H..

I’d have laughed and agreed with her tbh. Bit of an over reaction really. However, you say you have issues with her so that could be contributing to your reaction.

She probably wanted you to agree, so she could stir the pot and tell her son you were criticizing him to her. I think it is great you stood up to her! So many complaints on MN about husbands who allow their wives to be insulted--good for you!

I might say something like that but...

Only with someone who I know can give as good as they get

And

Never behind their back

Divide and conquer comes to mind. Had you laughed, she may have retold it that you had an issue with his weight.

It was an unkind thing to say. Don't really get why it's funny to say it about a man, given it wouldn't be funny to say about an (obviously not pregnant but overweight) woman.

I'd also have chuckled and said oh that's bad whilst chuckling. I'm assuming he's got a gut on him, and as his mother she commented. Can't say I'd have been all offended on his behalf, certainly not to this extent,

She's his mum so yes I would have thought it funny.
But on a serious note has he gained a lot of weight recently. Diet? Medical? Sometimes we can't see it because we with that person everyday. What does he think his clothes say.

It was an unkind thing to say. Don't really get why it's funny to say it about a man, given it wouldn't be funny to say about an (obviously not pregnant but overweight) woman.

^^ This

You’ve had a total sense of humour failure there op.

Seriously ... she's his mother!! Total over reaction on your part!!

Yeah you over reacted

That sounds like a pretty light, inoffensive jokey comment from a mother about her son, really. Is he particularly sensitive or insecure about his body? But even then, she didn’t say it to his face so it’s not like it’s going to upset him.

If she’s got form for being genuinely unpleasant then I think perhaps you’re just hyper sensitive to everything she says now.

I've been meaning to ask him when his baby's due (Attempt at humour, obviously to the wrong person)

Oi son! You're a fat cunt and everybody hates you! (Nasty)

Bit of a difference in my book

Yanbu. I had issues with the ex mil she made weight comments all of the time saying that I wasn't as slim as such and such on the tv so she would never remember my name. She would call her son fat too and say things like our bobs no weight watcher at a family meal. Not funny very cruel especially to people who do have weight issues.

Not remotely funny coming from someone with a track record of being snide and unpleasant. Such a person clearly wouldn't be 'joking'. Against the tide, YANBU.