Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

You didn't impress my cock

314 replies

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:13

AIBU to think that literally no woman ever would be ok with a guy she had recently shagged saying this to her? Especially when he expected her to shag him again?

I recently shagged a guy who said this to me. He thinks my reaction to his helpful feedback was due to 'my own issues' and 'most women wouldn't have reacted like that.'

Before you think I am shit in bed, here's what happened. So I shagged this guy I had a couple of dates with. He orgasmed twice, me not at all. His complaint about me 'not impressing his cock' was due to me not touching his cock with my hand or mouth. When he explained this, I said, ' so where in the 30 seconds that elapsed between us starting to kiss and you taking off my clothes and sticking your cock in me was I supposed to give you a blow job?' He said ' ah yes, I am not very good at foreplay'. Even when we had sex the second time just suddenly climbed on top of me and stuck his cock in again.

I reacted by saying ' Sorry, did you just say I didn't impress your cock?' He answered in the affirmative. I told him that no-one had ever (we are both in our forties) spoken to me with such a lack of respect, and that was a disgusting thing to say that was designed to humiliate me. He looked taken aback and said ' You think I have not been respectful? No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart'. I can't remember what else I said but at some point he picked up on the fact I wasn't going to bed with him again as he looked astonished and said, 'So you aren't coming back to mine?' I spluttered 'No! How can you think I will, you think I am going to abase myself in the pursuit of impressing your cock? You are never seeing me naked again'.

He maintains that I over-reacted because of my issues.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 14:28

OP, I’m only worried that you say he is “still maintaining”... surely to God you are not in contact with this pointless arsehole?

No I'm not, Our 'conversation' did go on a bit though, with him maintaining I was angry due to my 'issues' (he never specified what these mysterious 'issues' were) and him being adamant other women would not have reacted like that, and me telling him he must be from another planet if he thinks any woman would be okay with what he said and him saying they would and so on...….

He actually told me I was sexy when I was angry. I think he thought that would make me have sex with him again, rather than being deeply offensive and insulting. When I told him that was really insulting he looked surprised and said, 'Is it?'

OP posts:
Sleepyhead19 · 07/09/2019 14:28

What a revolting man! You should’ve said it was clear it was pretty impressed by how he behaved, rushing things and climaxing twice! Also you needed to explain what a disappointment he and his cock were for your vagina.

Loveislandaddict · 07/09/2019 14:29

Yuck

Durgasarrow · 07/09/2019 14:29

He has satisfied his purpose. He came into your life and deposited a hilarious story. Now it's time to toss him out like a used condom.

MashedSpud · 07/09/2019 14:30

Tom Conti in Shirley Valentine.

Longdistance · 07/09/2019 14:35

I’d be well and truly sewing my fanny up with s comment like that,

howyoulikemenow · 07/09/2019 14:37

The 'issues' thing is just gaslighting, he's trying to put it back on you instead of saying sorry for what he said. Saying 'issues' is vague but enough to make you question yourself because most people do have issues.

A lot of dickhead males do this.

AnneKipanki · 07/09/2019 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeriComoToes · 07/09/2019 14:38

😫🤢🤮🤮🤮

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 14:39

Yep, howyoulike, my abusive ex continually did this.

OP posts:
NewStart571 · 07/09/2019 14:40

But what does ‘ you didn’t impress my cock’ even MEAN?!

He sounds positively deranged.

NewStart571 · 07/09/2019 14:40

Fuck him right off OP

INeedToThrowItAllOut · 07/09/2019 14:41

If they had Oscars for Most Awful Men 2019, this would win hands down in Most Offensive Comment category. It might also be up for a life time achievement award.

Mumsymumphy · 07/09/2019 14:42

I think there's a Shania Twain song just begging to be written about this thread.....

Tillymintsmama · 07/09/2019 14:42

where did you meet him OP, just so you can do the rest of womankind a favour so we can avoid it!

Gin for you my love!

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 14:47

Well I am not going to tell you exactly but it was a thing that has a spiritual element. Maybe that is why I thought he would be a good guy. I thought the men who went would be nice guys, self aware and emotionally attuned. How wrong I was! He thinks he is self aware. He spoke on our date about all the work he has done on himself. Jesus Christ - if this is him after work what the hell was he like before!

I am going to look a bit more suspiciously at the guys at these things in future - nobs in sheeps clothing (actually that's unfair, I have met a very nice male friend at a similar event).

OP posts:
Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 14:48

If they had Oscars for Most Awful Men 2019, this would win hands down in Most Offensive Comment category. It might also be up for a life time achievement award Grin

OP posts:
DoctorAllcome · 07/09/2019 14:48

Win some, lose some when it comes to casual sex. Sounds like you were both not impressed with each other, but he was only one rude enough to put it so crudely. (The fact he orgasmed is immaterial because men orgasm at the drop of a hat even if they are having bad sex.)
I’d say you got a real loser there and I’d toss him. It would have been hilarious if you’d responded to his cock comment with one of your own about how you’d have had better sex with a cucumber than his excuse of a cock.

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 14:49

But to counter, I know a fair number who are single because they were with the wrong person for many years. There’ll be someone cool for you!

@eugenesaxe thanks for this encouraging comment. I do hope you are right!

OP posts:
luckybird07 · 07/09/2019 14:52

Either a narcissist or he has read that stupid book that teaches men to treat women mean to get them to be crazy for the.....

It will be a good lessons for him, or not. Good on you for dismissing him off the bat. Knobber.Him not you.

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 14:53

Sounds like you were both not impressed with each other, but he was only one rude enough to put it so crudely

See this is not true - I was there with him and I know how much he enjoyed himself and he was articulate that evening about how much he enjoyed himself and he said it with feeling and meaning, and really wanted to meet again. That was why it was so horrible when he came out with those comments. It was like he had decided to re-write what had happened just to find a reason to put me down.

OP posts:
EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 07/09/2019 14:53

Ewwwwwww!

What a wanker!

kateandme · 07/09/2019 14:56

theres no way it could be a language barrier?

Thornhill58 · 07/09/2019 15:05

I had to laugh. Mr Pippi wasn't impressed when he claimed on top of you like a mountain goat????
Sounds like Mr Pippi likes a dry hump because you poor soul didn't even have time to get ready.
He sounds really naive and extremely bad in bed. Totally unaware that miss V didn't even have time to get wet let alone finish while the selfish prick came twice?????
What is it with some men that want to shag but have cero skills and refuse to learn how to improve their techniques.
I had a few like that very disappointing but at least they were young not in their 40'sConfused

Mysterian · 07/09/2019 15:06

In my experience cocks are notoriously easy to impress.

"Oooh, a glimpse of boob!"

"Hey, cheap red silk effect polyester with scratchy black lace trim! Niiiiice!"

"Wow... this bus is in low gear...Ahh! I'm done. zzzzzzz"