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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will someone please hold my coat?

159 replies

Aposterhasnoname · 07/09/2019 09:02

I’m going on holiday, as in, I’m sat in the taxi for the airport outside my house waiting for “D”H, AKA King Faffer.

This morning I’ve emptied the fridge, and the bins, cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen, vacuumed, showered, finished my packing and was stood in the hallway with my case waiting for the taxi, five minutes before it arrived. DH meanwhile, has faffed.

After waiting in the taxi for around ten minutes, I went to look for him. HE WAS MOWING THE FUCKING LAWN!!

After a brief exchange of views I’m now sat back in the taxi while KF “locks up”.

AIBU to say there’s not a jury in the land would convict me and ask someone to please hold my coat while I club him to death with the fucking strimmer.

OP posts:
GeorginaPilot · 07/09/2019 12:54

I feel anxious if someone sees me Levi g but I put my big girl pants on, the alarm, and get on with it. I have the shouty conversations with non existent ransoms also!

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/09/2019 12:58

@MrsGrindah I did express my views but it was at a pitch only the dog could hear!!!Grin

Magicmonster · 07/09/2019 13:00

@Tigger - that is my relationship to a tee. ‘D’h calls me slapdash. But if we both did things his way nothing would ever get done!

Leeds2 · 07/09/2019 13:05

Witchend, I have never laughed so much at a MN post, so thank you! I had to read it several times, as I couldn't get beyond your dad putting his hitherto unknown cap on without tears blurring my vision!

JapaneseBirdPainting · 07/09/2019 13:06

Once we could not set our security alarm on the house. had not been set for a while, and as it turned out, Dh had put a roll of kitchen roll in front of the sensor. Dashing for a plane so had to leave it.

Then on the way to the airport, the taxi driver was grilling us about where we were going etc. I realised - roughly the same time that DH did- that he knew where we lived.... and that we were going away.

So, in a ridiculous scene i made up a phone call to the 'house sitter' and explianed where the fish food was kept (I mean, wtf??!!).

We angsted all the way to Rome.

Dh ended up trying to book a flight home and back in a day so he could fix the alarm and then return Hmm.

Now... that is a hard way to learn a lesson- but learn it we did. (At least, until the next time).

madmother1 · 07/09/2019 13:10

My DP once went out to fill up with petrol, why we couldn't do it on the way to the airport is beyond me. After 30 mins, I called him as he was no where to be seen. He was getting his car washed and valeted!!! Cue me shouting for him to come home as we should have left!! Men 🤔

JapaneseBirdPainting · 07/09/2019 13:11

My DH always has to have the car washed and valeted before a trip too! It's so wierd. he says it is because back in the day his dad sent the car for a full service before travelling any distance. You may have had to in the 60s though...

RubbingHimSourly · 07/09/2019 13:12

I thought prince faffer was bad for going for a piss every time we step out the front door. I just walk off and.leave him now 🙄

PorterBella · 07/09/2019 13:29

Op, you're a saint.

Brill thread should be in classics.

Ringdonna · 07/09/2019 13:31

Jusging by the way tou oost he was probably avoiding going anywhere with you Grin

cricketmum84 · 07/09/2019 13:34

Omg that's hilarious!!

I'll hold your coat. And help you dispose of the body 😂

Plasebeafleabite · 07/09/2019 13:46

My DH decided when I was in advanced labour that it would be a good idea to make porridge

This made me LOL

In my case OH decided to go into town to Zara Man to look at the spring jackets. I sat on a pouffe in the changing room having my contractions. Not one word of a lie

SingingLily · 07/09/2019 13:49

I'll hold your coat. And help you dispose of the body

I have a patio that needs replacing. No one would notice...Wink

MindyStClaire · 07/09/2019 13:51

Saw this on Mumsnet madness and retweeted for DH. He knows why. Angry

Original poster
Aposterhasnoname · 07/09/2019 13:52

We’re boarding soon. The large wine and solidarity have helped and I’m now in full on holiday mode. For the those with a SOH failure, DH has read the full thread , and laughed like a drain at some of the stories (and voted YANBU). witchends Dad has taken DHs faffing crown though, he can’t top that.

OP posts:
SingingLily · 07/09/2019 13:53

Have a great holiday!

Crunchymum · 07/09/2019 14:12

I'm sure the taxi driver (if real) was laughing like a drain whilst he sat there waiting for your dopey husband OP.

Happy holidays.

MitziK · 07/09/2019 14:29

Go on holiday with the taxi driver? At least he's proven to be punctual.

Geschwister4 · 07/09/2019 16:58

I fear your DH may well up his game now that Witchend's dad has set the faffery bar so high. Watch out for his buying tweed clothes and a cloth hat!

WhereDoesThisToiletGo · 07/09/2019 17:00

@18Aprillygirl
god there's always one isn't there?
You're rather rude.

Zakana · 07/09/2019 17:11

@Witchend I laughed out loud reading this, it sounded like you all lived in a sitcom from the 80s! I had to reread it twice! Absolutely brilliant, you actually couldn’t make it up!

Zakana · 07/09/2019 17:15

@Witchend I also had to google “verisimilitude “ 😂😂😂

KUGA · 07/09/2019 17:31

Can`t comment for crying tears of laughter.
Will try later.

GlasshouseStoneThrower · 07/09/2019 17:32

I'll swear blind you were with me the whole time and couldn't possibly have been responsible

yogafailure · 07/09/2019 17:33

This OP has just appeared on FB on the "Holy Flaps" page....