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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will someone please hold my coat?

159 replies

Aposterhasnoname · 07/09/2019 09:02

I’m going on holiday, as in, I’m sat in the taxi for the airport outside my house waiting for “D”H, AKA King Faffer.

This morning I’ve emptied the fridge, and the bins, cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen, vacuumed, showered, finished my packing and was stood in the hallway with my case waiting for the taxi, five minutes before it arrived. DH meanwhile, has faffed.

After waiting in the taxi for around ten minutes, I went to look for him. HE WAS MOWING THE FUCKING LAWN!!

After a brief exchange of views I’m now sat back in the taxi while KF “locks up”.

AIBU to say there’s not a jury in the land would convict me and ask someone to please hold my coat while I club him to death with the fucking strimmer.

OP posts:
Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/09/2019 10:04

My DH decided when I was in advanced labour that it would be a good idea to make porridge.

WhereDoesThisToiletGo · 07/09/2019 10:07

So you're going to sit in a taxi and a plane beside a man who smells faintly of wet cut grass?

MrsGrindah · 07/09/2019 10:08

Myimaginary
Do tell us the gentle loving words you used to kindly point out the errors in your DHs thinking?!

Cyberworrier · 07/09/2019 10:09

My husband cut the grass while I did same jobs you did pre holiday. On our return, I had work the next day and he didn’t, so he was to unload the car and unpack. Instead, he cut the grass AGAIN and did a thorough weed of the garden (which is about to be trashed by builders when our extension work starts in two weeks). Sigh.

Geschwister4 · 07/09/2019 10:10

As well as faffing about his shoes, my Dad was also champion at the ancient art of needing a last minute shave. Then combing his hair , which always took ages even though he did not have much hair left once he got older. TBF he was always very nicely turned out when we went anywhere, but my God it came close to costing him the car keys up his arse on numerous occasions!

HeadintheiClouds · 07/09/2019 10:10

He clearly doesn’t want to go Confused

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/09/2019 10:13

Oh my you must have waited half an hour!!

My dh also goes and sits in the car instead of helping me to do the essential jobs. Drives me insane. If he took on the job of checking and locking doors and windows for example we’d get out faster. As is I’m packing the cases, sun cream etc and food if it’s a self catering thing. He just does his wash bag and puts the stuff in the car.

Last time I told him I had taken new shower gel, toothbrushes and toothpaste and he didn’t listen so we arrived with duplicates. He finally remembers the driving licences, passports and tickets without fail - the only job I leave to him. We’ve had several mad dashes including through the service station back road (I know its not allowed) to pick them up in the past or miss our flight.

emilybrontescorsett · 07/09/2019 10:14

Hope you get to relax soon op. 🍷

RandomWok · 07/09/2019 10:15

Next time chill a bottle in the fridge. Pack a cup. Sit in the taxi and begin your holiday!

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/09/2019 10:16

My fil otoh is not like my dh in this respect. Champion faffer. You have to treat him like a toddler. We are going out at x time. We are leaving in half an hour, 10 mins etc and check he’s taken x and done y. He’s not actually doing anything really. The last time we went out together I checked he’d shut his windows. As we were leaving he went to the bathroom for a shit and opened the window ffs.

JapaneseBirdPainting · 07/09/2019 10:16

This is my DH also.

His standard one is we are waiting in the car and he decides he needs the loo., 15 ninutes later and he is sitll sitting there reading Private Eye.

It also drives me crazy when I call everyone to the dining room table for dinner and he comes down and THEN starts feeding the animals. Either they can fucking wait, ior when i give him a 10 minute warning *every night) he can come down and feed then.

About 5 years inot our relaitonship I set his watch and the bedroom clock 15 minutes ahead. He got wise to that though.

JapaneseBirdPainting · 07/09/2019 10:17

Oh yes!!! The last minute shave!!!!!

You have had all day to shave FFS.

AlanThePig · 07/09/2019 10:20

But why did he need to mow the lawn at all?!

DH, who can't understand why you're all finding this amusing, tells me a cut lawn means the house looks occupied and less likely to be burgled.

Personally I'm chuckling.

Whitelisbon · 07/09/2019 10:20

My dh always needs to go for a shit 30 seconds before we leave to go anywhere.
I now tell him we need to leave 30 minutes before we actually do, so that we actually have a chance of being on time.

Crinescene · 07/09/2019 10:23

There’s Tales of the Unexpected based on this scenario here

HeronLanyon · 07/09/2019 10:24

I think with a fixed price taxi it’s worse to make the taxi wait. At least on a meter they are being laid for waiting for your gagging on.

HeronLanyon · 07/09/2019 10:24

Paid.

Blankspace4 · 07/09/2019 10:25

It is rude to assume the taxi driver is just happy to sit there waiting. How long were you waiting for, and presume the taxi driver was not ridiculously early??

mangomama91 · 07/09/2019 10:25

I'm sorry I also laughed when I read that! Mowing the grass 😂😂
Have a lovely holiday!

Soubriquet · 07/09/2019 10:26

I will hold him down for you OP AngryAngry

EKGEMS · 07/09/2019 10:27

I'll help you write his suicide note!

Pinkypurple35 · 07/09/2019 10:31

Lol are you secretly married to my DH?
I once waited patiently 45 mins for DH to leave on holiday, with baby DS ready to go (sleeping) in his car seat.
After 45 mins had elapsed I went to check where the hell he was, and discovered he had just painted a fence post in our back garden and was just finishing sweeping up.
I nearly killed him as DS has woken by the time he had finished his pointless faff.

User344772734481882445 · 07/09/2019 10:33

Grrrrrr.... sounds exactly like my DH! Most of the time I have no idea what he's actually doing when he is faffing, but pretty sure it's pointless!

Tonnerre · 07/09/2019 10:33

Good grief, from the time you posted I make that over 20 minutes he spent locking up. I would ask whether you live in Fort Knox, but I'd put money that he spent that time checking he has his wallet, his passport, his phone, and his watch, looking for his coat, dithering about whether it was the right coat, wondering whether to bring an umbrella, thinking about whether he dared to ask you whether you had your passport, looking for the keys ...

BlondeBumshelll · 07/09/2019 10:34

DP usually needs the toilet about 3 times before we go anywhere. He'll spend 20 minutes in there each time only to come out and declare he couldn't even go. Then as I'm getting ready to get in the car he says he'll be 2 minutes and trots off to the toilet again. Once I've been waiting a good 5 minutes in the car he'll cheerily get in saying he's sorted.

But then he'll drive round the area popping into the shop/putting air in the tyres etc then declare that we need to stop back home for another shit!!

I have IBS so I know how it feels to faff about with toilet issues but ffs!

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