Will someone please hold my coat?

[Aposterhasnoname]

I’m going on holiday, as in, I’m sat in the taxi for the airport outside my house waiting for “D”H, AKA King Faffer.

This morning I’ve emptied the fridge, and the bins, cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen, vacuumed, showered, finished my packing and was stood in the hallway with my case waiting for the taxi, five minutes before it arrived. DH meanwhile, has faffed.

After waiting in the taxi for around ten minutes, I went to look for him. HE WAS MOWING THE FUCKING LAWN!!

After a brief exchange of views I’m now sat back in the taxi while KF “locks up”.

AIBU to say there’s not a jury in the land would convict me and ask someone to please hold my coat while I club him to death with the fucking strimmer.

I can guarantee that DP would have been inside cleaning his ears with cotton buds. Whenever we are late (always), that's why.

Omg, I got so angry reading that.

I wouldn't let the KF come on holiday.

I don't usually condone violence, but I would have strangled the fucker.

Jesus.... I have no words OP.

Probably a fixed price for the journey. I hope it's bumped up to allow for your H.

I did laugh though. Sorry. 🍹

I would have to drink a serious amount of alcohol/ coffee in the airport lounge to be able to handle this.
Then a visit to duty free where I recommend you buy serious amounts of perfume/make up/sunglasses/books/more alcohol to compensate.
Christ how do you manage not to strangle him with the lawnmower cord?

Hopefully you planned enough faffing time into your schedule so won’t be rushing at the airport as a result!

And it’s not just your DH, I have one of those too - drives me up the wall sometimes

This is my Dad! Every family trip. All of us in the car on the drive waiting for him to finish mowing the lawn. Many years later I have come to realise this was his ritual that meant the house would be OK while we were away. Why lawns can't be mowed earlier on departure day is still a mystery.

My fiance is a faffer and procrastinator. He maintains he isn't but he is. Usually only on his days off. Mind you op he doesn't faff as badly as your DH!

Jesus wept.I thought my dh was bad having a shit at the eleventh hour whenever we go out.It gives me the fucking rage!

@Cluelessbeetroot it enough to consider doing time for isn't it?

But we all have last minute ‘things’ some important some seemingly not. But most of us
Time them so as not to miss or delay a taxi or make others wait for us etc.
Feels to me like a control/compulsion thing - which I understand - at time of stress do something ‘comforting’. But fgs as adults I’d hope most of us are aware of stress it causes to others and actually sort it out !

What a dick OP.

God help you having to spend a holiday with him.

I think that behaviour is so rude. I would be busy plotting extremely Passive aggressive ways to get him back.
💐

😂Wait till you get to your hotel. You will be unpacking the suitcases and hanging everything up to minimise creasing, checking the bathroom and putting the toiletries in place, reading the fire regulations on the back of the door so you know where the fire exit is, just in case, and so on. You know, all the practical stuff.

And where will he be? Sitting on the end of the bed, flicking through the TV channels and looking for the football highlights. You know, the really important stuff...

Plenty of faffing time built into our timings, also fixed price for the taxi so the only real harm is to my blood pressure. Why he couldn’t cut the grass yesterday when he had the day off work is beyond me, too busy faffing most likely.

I think a large glass of wine when we get to the airport is called for.

Your KF beats my KF hands down. I sympathise though, after 15 years of faffing, I wonder when I’m going to lose the plot and go wherever were meant to be going without him!

DH not only faffs but also prefers to arrive at theairport at the last possible minute. I now travel to the airport on my own, check in, look at the cosmetic counters and have a nice glass of champagne. I then meet him at the boarding gate.

Recently he cut it so fine that although he made the flight, his luggage didn’t! He’s been a bit better since then.

singinglily obviously you’ve met him....

Sympathy OP, my Dad was like this. He would not be mowing lawns, but taking about three hours to decide which shoes to wear to the airport. He had an impressive collection of shoes, my Mum had three pairs- everyday, best and garden. How she remained married to him throughout 50 years of last minute faffing is a pure miracle.

My DH is the opposite. When we go on holiday he wants us to start packing three days in advance so that he can load the cases in the car in good time (the night before) He will always set our departure time, then on the day he will suddenly decide he wants to go an hour earlier than planned and then be annoyed when we are not ready. We will then arrive at our destination way too early and not be able to get into our accommodation so we have to kill him time. So living with the opposite of a faffer (whatever that is) can be just as difficult!

I have the opposite- DH sits in car with kids waiting while I do jobs..... not mowing the lawn, but checking door locks, making sure no lurking renegade poos in the loo ( bad experience as a child after 2 week holiday not envy). Stuff that actually need to be done, which would be twice as quick if someone else helped.... instead of sitting in the car with the engine running. That said - I’d never decide to do something unessential I.e. now lawn or similar, or keep a taxi waiting..... so YANBU

But why did he need to mow the lawn at all?! What an earth was his excuse?

*mow

Ewww surely he would need to shower after mowing the lawn?

This has made me smile. Can I offer you..

Dad scrubbing the kitchen floor just before getting in the wedding car when my sister got married
DH and his two daughters who will sit in the dining room before a meal then just as I walk in with dinner all dash out to,nip to the loo etc
DH says things like “ We need to leave at 5” so I time getting ready for then...then he appears in bedroom at twenty to, coat on etc. asking if I’m ready . When I say “ No..you said we needed to leave at 5” he’ll say something like “ yes but I thought we could catch an earlier train” Aagh!

Even if it's a fixed price, it's still rude isn't it?

Have you ever had a taxi on the meter & he's done it then?

I wonder if you are also married to my DH?

Same with our departures-always fraught at the last minute for us- just add packing and getting the 3 DC out the door -

When I looked for DH for help he was out back filling the bird feeders.