to arrange the school runs this way?

[BonneMa]

I have twin sons, year 4.

DT1 just got a place at a local SS. Transport is done with minivan who collects 4 children from a pick up point at 7:45. Said point is 1 mile from home. LA does not fund home to school transport.

I drive DT1 to the bus stop each morning. DT2 is alone at home. He gets dressed and starts having breakfast I made ready for him in the meantime. I am out between 15-25 mins depending on traffic. I then come back home to collect him and drop DT2 off at his primary en route to my office.

DT2 is very mature and can be trusted. He has a phone in case of emergency.

I don't have family support around and have to do it all alone. This set up works for me and both DTs. DT2 enjoys the extra bit of 'responsibilty'.

A few friends where shocked and said this is illegal. I couldn't find anything about the law that states that you cannot leave a 9 year old alone at home for a bit.

Aibu to do what I do? I am a bit worried now that someone might report me to SS

I think it’s ok too. It’s such a short time and he has a phone.

I think I would try to have a back up plan in case anything happened on the way to/from the pick up point. Do you know another mum who would be happy to be a point of contact should there be a hold up? Then you could ring her if anything happened and ask her to pick up DT2.

It's not something I would do. At times, my husband starts work at 8am and I work nights meaning I don't get home until half 8 in the morning. On these days we meet in the car park of his work and I take the kids onto school. It does mean getting them up earlier than normal so they can have breakfast and get all ready but for me that's preferable than leaving them alone (they are 9 and 8)

But you have obviously risk assessed for your situation. I'm certain there is no law about what age a child can be left in the house alone, it's at parents discretion.

Sounds fine to me. Good for independence. You don't seem to have many options here so have chosen the one that works for you. As long as there is an escape plan and he has access to a phone it seems completely sensible to me.

I am amazed that some people think a 9 year old shouldn’t get themselves ready alone . From what you say he is happy with the arrangement and prefers more sleep.

he has a phone end a key.

I feel for you as I'm in a similar situation. My DS is at secondary school and my DD is at primary. My DS is an early riser and my DD needs dragging out of bed. It would cause so much stress every morning trying to get her to come and sit in the car with us. She's a sensible 10 year old so I leave her for 25 mins while I go and drop him off. She's more than happy getting up a bit later, getting dressed & watching tv - it's a much calmer start to the day.
Its true that some kids are carers, walk to school etc and do much, much more. You're doing your best OP.

Would any of these “friends” offer to help? I’d ask them next time they tell you how shocked they are about it!

It sounds like you are doing your best in a difficult situation. I can’t imagine seeing a friend doing this and simply criticising her for it.

My only concern would be does he know what to do if you are not home by x time.

My year 4 dd1 would be responsible enough to get up and get dressed & start breakfast, although as an early riser she would just come with.

Only you know your child and can reconcile the risks. I think as a single parent i need to take more risks than i might otherwise do. But common sense needs to prevail.

I think your arrangement is fine. As long as you have rules about not answering the door, and you have your phone with you, I see no problem.

I thought LA had to fund transport to nearest school that meets need?! Sorry off topic. I’m lucky in that our transport picks up from our house. If DT2 is sensible, has a phone and knows what to do if you’re not home by a certain time I’d go with it. Life with a child with Sen is hard enough (I have 2) so I try to make life easier for us all where I can.

Of course it is fine! He is 9yo and has a lot more support with the access to a phone than we had when we were young. I've just started leaving my just 8yo for 30 minutes on her own in the house every so often. It does them good to feel responsible and independent. The only reason for not doing it is if DT2 was scared, which is not the case here.

I thinks it’s fine but would pre programme a phone with some other emergency contacts just in case e.g grab or family friend. They don’t even have to be nearby. I once rang my auntie as a young child because my grandad who was babysitting had a heart attack. She just told me to ring 999 and that she would keep ringing my parents (they hadn’t seen my calls). She was 100 miles away but helped me through the situation.

always, they do that. The minivan is a taxi company that takes the DC to their local special school. But they don't collect from home and use pick up/drop of points instead. cheaper for them. much more hassle for us.

There is nothing wrong with leaving a responsible mature 9yo alone for a short period. At our primary the kids are allowed to walk to and from school alone from the age of 9. My only worry with my 9yo would be that he wouldn't bother with the getting dressed and eating breakfast and would read/watch tv/play Wii instead. If your son manages to focus on getting ready while you are away them he is more mature than average and I'd have no concerns whatsoever.

My dd was absolutely fine being left for that amount of time at that age. A responsible, mature child is fine but the expel that disagree probably don't have children as responsible.

Round here year 5 kids (some of which are just nine) are allowed to walk to school, seems to me there’s less risk in being at home so it could be fine depending on the kid. I would leave my nine year old occasionally but he has a younger sister so it never comes up!

People not expel!

I'd do it if my 8 yr old was happy. The only thing I wouldnt do is breakfast on his own - but he likes toast. If breakfast is cold, that answer could be different.
We had a discussion just yesterday about him walking back from Tesco on his own (brother wanted to go on to library), and decided against - but we only moved here from abroad over the summer, and his road sense isnt there with UK traffic yet.

Don't tell anyone in future - helpful!

It sounds fine. You have to do the best in your circumstances. Assuming DT2 is sensible and needs a quiet start to the morning (and is ok being on own), it’s what I would do.

Do you get any help from anyone? It sounds tough dealing with this on your own. Soon your DC will be older and hopefully easier to manage.

Don't tell anyone in future - helpful!

I know

In your situation I’d do the same. I have a very sensible nine year old and he’d be fine for 20 mins. He knows that if he’s worried or I don’t come back he can knock on the next door neighbour’s door for help.

I don't see anything wrong with this. It's not illegal to leave a child this age and it depends entirely on the child. You all sound happy with the arrangement so why should you alter it because of a friend's comment?!

I think this sounds fine if he has the emotional resilience and maturity.

As long as he knows he is cared for (and you making him breakfast counts towards this) and he knows how to get out in case of fire then job’s a good un.

There are loads of young carers out there who take on more.

If you’re worried about SS why not give them or NSPCC a call to ask advice?

And these so-called friends should wind in their necks and stop making you feel anxious if they aren’t going to walk a mile in your shoes and actually help.