To feel very poor after recent thread

[Clappingforjoy]

Recent thread on here where posters where revealing their income got me really fed up that I must be one of the lowest earners around and it made me feel like failure failure.
Is everybody well off on mumsnet or something where are these people that have to use food banks because all I ever see is people with brand new cars, going on holidays nice houses etc etc i find it mind boggling.

Also I think that the threads are quite representative of mumsnet buy not necessarily the general public.

Mumsnet skews towards more professional, educated, middle class so therefore skewing towards wealthy.

However and every thread there are examples from lower income. If people aren't reading them, are they just skim reading or are they ignoring them as they don't fit into their narrative?

OP, I think you have to take what you read with a pinch of salt. Have to say though that MN does make me feel like a totally 'Beta' person in so many ways (which I don't tend to feel like in the real world). There is so much more to life than being wealthy, super high achievers! Life is not the competition it so even seems to become on here.

Nope. Stay at home mum here so not much money of my own.

Before that I had a part time job which gave me about £830 a month.
And I was bloody happy.

Prior to that I was on £24,000 a year (so not super rich) but ridiculously unhappy in a high pressure job.

Money is not everything so try not to focus on that. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that.

According to the link posted a couple of pages back, our combined income makes us in the top 15% of annual incomes in the country. So we are so significantly better off than the other 85%.

But we are fairly money savvy so if you met us you'd probably not guess what our income is. We don't have fancy holidays, only buy clothes when truly necessary, don't waste money on manicures etc and shop in Aldi. But we do understand how bloody fortunate we are that we can replace anything that's broken down immediately.

Please, please, please do not feel a failure. I value a person's worth of what they are like as a person, not what stuff they have and how many fb worthy pictures they post or what clothes they wear.

A decent person is a decent person no matter what their household income is.

@50SaveMeFromMrTumble we are in similar situation too!

Op dont feel ashamed everyones situation/family life is different and most ppl brag too because its online you dont the real people. Threads like that shouldn't make ppl feel shit about themselves.

@56NCBabyBoy teachers earn a good salary and have just had a lovely pay rise from the government. Dont think it will help OP feel any better.

@CorBlimeyGovenor thanks for your post above, it's really struck a cord with me and made me stop to think

Step change are an amazing charity, op if your struggling try contacting them, ive done in the past.

Sometimes being money poor means being time rich. That is why I chose the job I work in now - I may have to scrimp and scrape to pay the bills, but I have time to concentrate on writing and running, on meeting up with my adult kids, on walking my dog.

'What is this life, if full of care...' and all that.

Julia, thanks for linking the thread. It's the only recent one I can think of on earnings, and as anyone can see it's a mix of low medium and high earners and not at all what the op claims. I would assume most people on that thread are being honest.

Unless op there is another thread?

I often read how wonderful people lives are on here and think I can smell ball shit!!

Life is tuff in the uk and I think it gets harder every decade!!

I think you will find a lot of people are in the same boat as you!! Just keeping there head above water and doing the best they can for there families.

Im a band 7 in the NhS and i have spent 20 odd years getting to the this point and I feel I’m well paid. I’m very grateful as this allows me to pay my bills and take my kid on holiday once a year (single mum). If I needed a new roof I’d be in deep shit lol but day to day I’m comfortable and that’s all I need. However I am poor compared to all my married friends who live in fancy houses with lovely belongings however they have their own problems-so what I’m trying to say is that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. It’s not all that’s it seems.

The odd thing is that there are plenty of threads about budgeting, people struggling, single parents talking about how little CMS they get and are struggling.

The thread about above average income was the OP asking if people earned what had been reported as the average income or more. The OP didnt ask what people earned. She was specifically asking people who earned 27.5k or above.

It really is worth stayo.f away from some threads. Up until a few weeks ago, I would never be able to afford a holiday. So I stayed away from the 'where to go with a 3k budget'. They made me feel depressed. Single parent earning 22k. Left in the shit by a self employed abusive ex husband. Working full time but still struggling.

I recently moved jobs and next year i might be able to afford one for me and the kids. But I have debts, see abusive ex above, so really should just pay more towards that instead. But I am desperate for a week away from everything with my kids.

So probably still wont look at the 3k budget threads. I also used to hate threads where people talked about the nice things their partner does. Or talks about long marriages. I used to get jealous that I would never have that. But, I don't feel the people posting had a responsibility to not post or remember that alot of us are struggling because the person who said they loved us, destroyed us. Again, I just didnt read them.

But I really dont think there are more threads or posters that have people talking about huge incomes, than people talking about having low incomes.

Sometimes we just have to pick and choose what threads we read and what we leave.

How you can spend any time on mumsnet and think everybody is loaded is beyond me. I've found it exactly the opposite - a real eye-opener about how much poverty there is out there (and I earn just slightly above 22k so it's not as if I live the high life).

Mumsnet is a very weird demographic. Our household income is significantly more than most of our friends but it's still minuscule compared to the majority of posters here - I suspect half of it is bullshit though.

BarbariansMum
I've noticed that a lot of the thread where people are discussing poverty or money struggles tend to be separate threads on that topic, but those with above average salaries (and a desire to brag online for some reason) always manage to find a way to mention their money on even the most irrelevant thread.

E.g. An OP talking about adding baby number 3 to her family would get a lot of good advice from lots of people who probably fall across the the income spectrum. Then there'll be a few braggy types or fantasists who'll swoop in saying they couldn't imagine having 3 because they have a household income of £100,000 but by the time they've paid the mortgage and school fees, they'd be on the breadline having more than 1.

Everyone knows those people are in the minority but they have a way of bringing things back to their finances.

Life is tuff in the uk and I think it gets harder every decade!!

What makes you think that?

Op, comparison is the theif of joy.

Everyone has different goals in life.
I had such raging unhappy childhood.. In 'some ways' with dp at war... I'm very happy now with calm, touch wood stable marriage and happy dc.

In economic terms neither dh or myself can possibly match our own up bringing. Neither of us our money motivated.
We have lived on one low wage for years.
Now I'm working again I feel Rich op but our two combined salaries are way less then one person's on here!

1)be grateful for what you have, there is always someone better off and someone worse off.
2) you are in charge of you, no one else is going to make change for you. If you want change take small steps.

3. if you do yourself down so will everyone else.
4. baby steps. Brain is malleable... Train it to expel darker thoughts.
5. be kind to yourself!! No one is better than you are and the most seemingly confident, rich successful people can have panic attacks and be wracked with guilt!

@LolaSmiles I think that happens on alot of threads.

Someone posts asking positive relationship stories.....someone comes along and posts that they dont want a relationship and are happier alone and this proves they stronger/more confident/ better than people in relationships.

Someone posts talking about how they are happy single, someone comes along and tells them that really if they found the right relationship (like they have) they woildnt feel that way.

Someone posts about being childless by choice, people come along and talk about how they have kids and the 'perfect family' and just couldn't imagine not having their perfect kids.

Someone post about feeling they are running our of time to get meet a long term partner, settle down and have kids. Someone comes along and tells OP they have all that and they arenr happy, so op should be happy with what they have.

On the thread talked about here, that was scepeocally asking if people earnestly over the reported average, had a few posters coming on saying 'I dont earn that much and never will and everyone else is just bragging'.

It happens on most threads.

OP - also bear in mind that many high earners also have colossal amounts of debt. Both my DH and I are high earners, but we have a massive mortgage debt. We are very lucky to be home-owners, but in actual fact the bank owns the vast majority of it!

Please do not worry about anyone else's circumstances. It's just anonymous posts on a public forum.

Focus on you and how you can protect and improve your own mental/physical health and well-being.

crystalShark

Life get harder ever decade

When I left school at 16 in the 1970,s it was really easy to get a job!! Left school Friday started job Monday!! We bought our first flat for £12000!! Have always made money on property market and gone up the ladder each time!! No problem getting a 100per mortgage then the bank would lend you money to do the property up!! No social media so less worrying about what everyone else was doing.

If I had gone to university I would have got a grant and had no fees

If you were on benifits they were easier to get and keep!!

I’m sorry I think people born in the last thirty years have had a harder time then the ones born from the 1950 till 1980. Only my opinion!! Most of my friends my age really worry about how our grandchildren will manage!!

Nanalisa60 I do agree with some of those points.

30 years ago mun was in the same position as I was later year. Mid 30s single parent to 2 children. Both lucky enough to get a mortgage on our own.

Mum afforded to buy in the are she grew up in.brnefits meant to she could work as a lunchtime supervisor, have all school holidays off.bshe for enough in benefits that we lived on a budget but could had enough. Always enough food, gas, electric, clothes, a cheap holiday a year etc.

She can bit get her head round that I had to move half an hour away, to get a mortgage as I that area was cheap. 3 bed terrace house for 85k. She cant understand why I say I am lucky to have that. She cany understand that non of my mortgage will get paid like her was and that benefits wont top me up so I can afford my bills and just work term time 2 hours a day. She just doesn't get that I couldnt afford even a cheap break last year when I work full time.

She also disagrees with my sin going to breakfast club and afterschool club.

I do have sympathy when she moans about retirement age being moved for her. But she will then say ita ok for my generation, because we haven't been sold one thing (the previous power pension age) and then ended up with something else (the new pension age). Dad will also moan that he worked his whole life and now pension is further away.

When I counter with my situation, that I dont get things they did, house prices etc. And worked hard my life, it's like they dont believe it.

I think every generation has had its hardships. But I do think its getting harder.l and I dont think older generations understand it.

We don't have any credit cards or mortgages and can save a lot. BUT it didn't happen. We packed up and left the UK in our late 20s and have moved around the Me and Africa since. We both work in oil and gas and take it in turns to work on big projects which means we sometimes take holidays separately. We suit this kind of life and enjoy the riches. We planned our careers to retire early and work in easy jobs and worked extremely hard to get nearly there. We left the UK with a big mortgages and 50k of debt. We would not have made a lot of headway if we hadn't actually don't something drastic. Being rich doesn't happen unless you are born to it and then you wouldn't know what it feels like to cry when the cash point won't give you a tenner on the 8th of the month.

I'd rather have no debt and know that none of my stuff could be taken, or I wouldn't lose a property.
For me avoiding the rat race and having my time free to spend as I wish is more important than money and luxuries.
Time rich, money poor.

I remember reading a thread here once, something like “is this a good starting salary for my graduate daughter”. It was similar to my salary which I’m comfortable on and loads of posters said it wasn’t a good salary at all. I’d have been about 10-15 years older than the daughter and had progressed through my pay scales for years to reach that amount. I felt really disheartened after I read those comments

In real life I know people that are incredibly hard up right up to people that really are rich, just been to a family wedding in Chicago and that was a wedding where many guests were incredibly well off.

Life is very odd, however hard we try life throws strange, sad, wonderful and amazing situations at us. One thing that was prevalent among the guests was many had been willing to move around and I mean countries as well as areas. I relocated twice when young, DH did the same before I knew him and also lived in two other countries. It is daunting locating somewhere where you know no one.

There is also the element of just being in the right place at the right time.

Life is really like a complex equation and decisions made when young don’t really hit home till we are much older.