To feel very poor after recent thread

[Clappingforjoy]

Recent thread on here where posters where revealing their income got me really fed up that I must be one of the lowest earners around and it made me feel like failure failure.
Is everybody well off on mumsnet or something where are these people that have to use food banks because all I ever see is people with brand new cars, going on holidays nice houses etc etc i find it mind boggling.

@Gin96 exactly how is that helpful to the OP or among her feel better?

I'm right with you, I also have just £34 in bank account until pay day.... 10 days away! Frequently beat myself up that I'm not giving my son the opportunities that some of his friends have because the money isn't in the pot..... Its flippin hard sometimes. But we're not alone in it :)

Not helpful Gin and comes across as brag central

@Gin96 believe it of not, you are in a very very stable position. You probably get child benefit or your dc are of the age where they are studying AND working to bring some money in to pay their way.

Why won't your dh be able to find another job? Or are some jobs beneath him?
Grocery delivery man, care worker, school cleaner or janitor,etc. These jobs will all pay the national living wage, and at full time will bring in £17k.

Your post was somewhat of a brag and you know it.

Hi OP. Definitely don't let what you earn define you. I can't wait to retire early, I don't enjoy my job but it is interesting at least and the pressure and expectation to overperform means I now have to take anti-anxiety tablets on certain performance review days. my job is excruciatingly, relentlessly hard as is lots of other people's. There isn't a day I'm not studying as it's a high knowledge job, exams, certifications and then dealing with multi-millionaire egoistic dicks all the meanwhile and not feeling I have enough contact time with family. Plus any extra I do I'm now taxed at 50% so what's the point. I can't wait to give it all up and downtools to a an average normal lower pressure job but I probably would get passed by for being over qualified. I don't think there is an ideal after reading Mumsnet on all salaries and jobs. Striving for that balance feels like a fairy tail. But I will say, I guess the pressure of my job isn't even close to pressure of not being able to pay bills so I suppose I am extremely fortunate in that respect.

Gin96
I earn £21000, my husband has just been made redundant at 55, my son has just lost his job through no fault of his own. One good thing is we’ve nearly paid our mortgage of, we have £15,000 in savings and £500,000 in pension pots so hopefully we will manage, hopefully my husband and son will get another job soon, we won’t starve, just can’t afford a holiday for a while but I can live with that, things could be a lot worse.
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Gin, you're a glass half full person. It's nice to read such a positive post.
I'm sorry your husband lost his job, no fun at his age; I hope he gets another, even a part time one would be useful.

You'll have holidays in the future.

£22,000 is objectively a low full time wage in national terms given that the median is nearly thirty.

You are wrong, the mean (add up all the wages and divide by the number so squewed by the high earners) is nearly £30K but the median outside London is below £20k as stated above.

@CookieDoughKid again, how is that helping op feel better.

You cant wait to retire early? Good for you. Retiring may not even be an option for people on very low incomes.

You do realise you just basically moaned about a job that clearly pays you a wage a very good wage. I am sure Op, puts up with loads of shit in her very very difficult job.

How are you trying to her make feel better? When you are skint, all the time and feel like a failure having someone say 'well I earn well but dont like, so you position isnt that bad, be careful what you wish for' doesnt help at all.

I am sure some people have a low paying job that they love and are happy for the trade off. OP does not sound happy.

Three kids at private school and a Range Rover Velar to pay off and damn it I feel poor.

I'm hoping this is a joke because it's very insensitive but in case it's not, how about you save a ton of money by moving your DC to a state school and having a less flashy car? We are in the position of being able to afford private education for 3 DC but it would take over half our income so we choose to live in a naice area so the kids go to a outstanding primary and a not so great but very middle class secondary but we can easily afford to make up for the school deficiencies and have a very comfortable life and know that we are rich.

I have a high income and a beautiful home. However, there are circumstances in my family that means that my disposable income once I’ve addressed all of that is very modest. I shop in Aldi, don’t take expensive holidays and I am extremely frugal.

What you see is not always signs of wealth, they might be knee deep in debt, be miserable, have a husband with a tiny penis that smells of fish. Who knows. Don’t let it get you down.

@Rachelover60 thank you. My husband would take any job, nothing is beneath him, he’s trying to get a delivery job but he’s over qualified or to old, it’s hard when your over 50, just so glad i’m working. Things will get better, you have to take the rough with the smooth 😊 It’s not just the money, it’s also feels nobody is interested in you as you get older. xx

Also I know people who are very well off and they miserable, just because people have money doesn’t mean they don’t have other problems. xx

Ilikethisone absolutely get your point but the intention of my post was not to make op feel bad but to say as I did at the start of my job not to feel defined by her job and the grass isn't always greener the other side.

That's my point.

When you feel so low, things like 'be careful what you wish for' and the 'grass isnt always greener', isnt helpful, especially when it comes from someone who earns well.

I am sure OP would be happy to swop your job pressures and pay for her own job pressures and pay.

It just shows that a lot of people really dinr understand the black hole of being a low earner.

OP I am in my late 50s and can at long last say that I no longer dread looking at my bank statement. I had 2 DC and a joint income of around £1600 a mth. I know loads of mntrs would love to have this but I used to cry because we were in the red before we had even touched our pay . It was a long hard struggle but now our dc have left home and we can afford a few pleasures in life. I'm relaying this because I want you to know that things can and will get better maybe not tomorrow but hopefully sometime in the not too distant future. A lot of people brag on here and I'm sometimes disgusted by it, I read a thread about someone possibly asking her husband for a £4500 handbag for Christmas and could only think of the thousands of people that would want a 1/4 of that to live on. Needless to say mntrs didn't let her get away with it without some hometruths being thrown at her. Stay positive OP and remember you can't always believe what you read even on mumsnet.

Well actually I do know what it's like to not even know where you are going to be housed or when you are going to eat next as I was a refugee once in London without any possessions at all. I think it's ok to say. Question to OP What would you think would be helpful to hear from other posters to lift yourself out of your depression? One needs to be pragmatic and have a game plan if you really want to rise up the earnings ladder.

The ratio of outgoings to ingoings is more important than salary imo.
You could be earning 70k and still have less spendable money than someone earning less than 30.

It’s all relevant, don’t worry.
Don’t ever feel bad for your situation just because other people have more money than you, money helps- but it’s not the be all and end all of happiness.

Well done Cookie 👍 People are to quick to judge on here before knowing the full details and like others of said their is always another side to a story.

thanks Gin . Just want to add I'm definitely not an overnight success story.. having come from a communist war country and couldn't even speak English and I'm also talking 25 years bloody hard graft and of course plenty of people don't make it up the ladder despite trying really really hard. I do think however as I've posted before on other threads there is hope. Ive watched people from our refugee camp do great and their children even better who have become successful business people or shop owners and giving a huge amount back to this country via their taxes and employment and other ways. But there are certain traits that they have in common..one of them is die hard ambition that they are going to get out of their situation and what I call 'smarts' and it's this what you need to focus on. Be pragmatic and have a game plan because feeling bad about it and letting it define you isn't going to help one bit.

I only earn ten grand a year and I work my ass off as a TA

CountFosco

Three kids at private school and a Range Rover Velar to pay off and damn it I feel poor.

I'm hoping this is a joke because it's very insensitive but in case it's not, how about you save a ton of money by moving your DC to a state school and having a less flashy car? We are in the position of being able to afford private education for 3 DC but it would take over half our income so we choose to live in a naice area so the kids go to a outstanding primary and a not so great but very middle class secondary but we can easily afford to make up for the school deficiencies and have a very comfortable life and know that we are rich

First - of course it was a joke - 2nd : Unashames bragging from you!!!! Pot and the bloody kettle spring to mind!
3 kids in private school would be affordable but take half your salary - school fees iro 72k a year for 3 so you’re earning at least £150k and you tell someone else off, who was joking, for being insensitive!!! unbelievable!

it is always with young children and childcare. When children grow up you will be better off.

jellybeansincognito its not all relative at all and I hate it when people say this.

The people on 70k have double and more than the people on 30k. If they then choose to spend most of it, then that is their choice but it's not all relative as they never had the same starting point.

The 30k earner cannot make the same decisions and choices as the 70k earner.

It's all relative is a cop out.

Justaboy
One example here.

Mate of mine and his wife both low earners local authority workers always on the scrounge of sorts.

Wife befriended old lady locally, used to run small errands for her was VERY surprised to find after she died a letter from a solicitors the old lady had no descendants and left the house and estate to the mates wife suddenly they were £570,000 better off.
........

That's such a feel good report! Great for them. I hope they live long and healthy lives and enjoy their good fortune.

Re what @passionfruit said at 15.55 yesterday, some of the most miserable people I know are high earners too, who seem to spend spend spend, often money they don't have, (to impress people,) post on social media about their 'amazing life,' and buy all the most expensive shit.

How's that saying go? 'We spend money we can't afford, on stuff we don't need, to impress people we don't like.' Sorry if this has been said, I am ashamed to say I have not RTFT.

Also, I know several couples right now, who are on £75K to £95K between the 2 of them them (high for the north where I am,) and they NEVER have any money, I mean NEVER. Me and DH have never had a massive income between us (Currently £37K between us, and that's the highest ever,) as I have always been part time, and DH has never been a massive high earner.

Yet we manage to get by/have a decent car, (11 reg Fiesta,) a holiday abroad every 2-3 years, new clothes now and again, modest tech and gadgets, and day trips and meals out. Nowt fancy, but we enjoy life. (Have our mortgage paid thankfully, but we did struggle for the first 12-15 years of it.)

These couples we know ALL have no kids, and NEVER have any surplus income, they have multiple 1000s on credit cards, they have cars on finance (£15K to £20K in debt there - coz they HAVE to have a new car,) and they are properly maxed out on the mortgage. So if there is an interest rate rise, they will be screwed. They spend spend spend on gym memberships and sports club memberships too, and new clothes every other week (name brand obviously,) fancy gadgets like apple watch, imac, games consoles and video games, massive £3K tellies, and 2 or 3 holidays abroad a year. The list goes on... So even though they earn lots of money, they are always broke and in debt.

So I think I would either ... rather be ME (and DH) - no debt, a modest house but no mortgage, and on a modest income..

OR...

Very rich.

I would not want to be that middle-ground of wannabe middle-classes, who buy shit they can't afford to impress everyone, and have less surplus income and way more debt than me, even though they earn 2 or 3 times more.

@Totaldogsbody

OP I am in my late 50s and can at long last say that I no longer dread looking at my bank statement. I had 2 DC and a joint income of around £1600 a mth. I know loads of mntrs would love to have this but I used to cry because we were in the red before we had even touched our pay . It was a long hard struggle but now our dc have left home and we can afford a few pleasures in life.

I'm relaying this because I want you to know that things can and will get better maybe not tomorrow but hopefully sometime in the not too distant future. A lot of people brag on here and I'm sometimes disgusted by it, I read a thread about someone possibly asking her husband for a £4500 handbag for Christmas and could only think of the thousands of people that would want a 1/4 of that to live on. Needless to say mntrs didn't let her get away with it without some hometruths being thrown at her. Stay positive OP and remember you can't always believe what you read even on mumsnet.

Good post. I could have written this!

I do think though that the vast majority of posters who claim they earn £150K and their DH earns £200K are full of shit. Most people in the country don't earn this, and the ones who DO would not be spending their time on bloody mumsnet chatting shit!