To not take the DSC out with again to a meal in the near future?

[SulaHula]

DSC are picky and always have been. We took them to an activity they both wanted to do and stopped at a drive thru diner for food on the way. They are very limited in what they will eat but we went over the menu together and this seemed safe as it was a burger and chips kind of place. DSS ordered a burger, chips and milkshake. DSD ordered a fried chicken sandwich, chips and milkshake. They only ate the chips and binned the rest having taken one bite/sip. It's such a HUGE waste of food and money. There are six of us in total and meals out aren't cheap. It kills me to watch yet another meal make its way into the bin. I've told DH I just don't want to take them out again any time soon as I'm just sick of it. He thinks IABU. I've said we should just take pack ups for them when we do days out. AIBU?

As for the wasted food and money side, you've spent the same amount no matter how much they eat of it. The food and money is just as gone whether they bin it, or force it down when they don't want it.

I don't agree with this. Wasted food at one meal, means more food will be sacrificed than necessary on the same day. So if they refuse to eat that meal then they will still be hungry (maybe an hour or so later) and will need to eat something. It's extra cost that is unnecessary (especially when you budget how much you want to spend on food each day).

Sure, it can be, like I said, if they are wanting you to buy another meal later they are being unreasonable. But if they just aren't hungry, and OP has made them order a burger because "you can't just order chips", no wonder they won't eat it.

Its not nice to put food in the bin but it's the exact same thing to force food down you don't want - you are just making your own body the bin.

Look I bloody hate picky eaters OP, but I've learned that you can't win with them so for your own mental health, don't try.

Maybe a policy of choose what you like from the menu, but if you don't have a good go at eating it (and there's nothing actually wrong with it) then you pay for your own. So only those that eat most of their food get it bought for them. Perhaps that's really mean of me! .

What do they like to eat?

I would avoid eating out if possible and just do meals at home.

If not possible I would do a picnic. Stuff that everyone eats within reason- if they don’t eat, meh. They’ll eat later.

If forced to eat out I’d avoid sit-down meals, and unfamiliar places and stick to chains- if someone wasted their McDonalds burger I wouldn’t give a fuck but a SohoHouse chicken burger sounds more expensive and vexing than a nuggets Happy Meal.

I think the teens and your DH are being unreasonable, but you need to engineer it so it’s not you as the bad guy!

Just letting them eat chips will cause howls of outrage from the other kids.

Why? It's not like burgers and milkshakes are good for you. Everyone can just have chips and take some fruit for snacks.

I'd much rather DD ate only what she wanted than forced down 100s of calories of fat and carbs.

A 16 & 13 year old are more than capable of making a packed lunch! Bloody hell I cooked most of my meals by that age as I was interested in trying new foods. It could help them be less picky by having more control over what they eat by making it themselves?

Are your own kids fussy eaters as well? Why would the stepkids only getting chips cause howls of outrage? Just order chips all round surely? Saves money and it sounds like they all only eat shite anyway so makes no difference.

Totally agree.

Waste of time, money, energy.

Took DS out last week for lunch, his fancy schmancy Grilled Cheese sandwich and pecan salad was $15. He ate half of it. Never again. Portion of chips from Costco? $2 and eats the lot. Guess where we'll be going next time..

Completely o/t, but the (repeated) phrase 'pack up' is irrationally annoying me.

YANBU.
I wouldn't take them out again either.

Big babies - they should be embarrassed.

Did one of them write this? 😃
www.tripadvisor.co.uk/ShowUserReviews-g504083-d15873095-r685832737-Mollie_s_Motel_and_Diner-Faringdon_Oxfordshire_England.html?m=19905

My DS is not really a picky eater, but he does have some issues which make it difficult to eat out in places we haven't experienced before. (These issues include IBS, GERD, chronic motion sickness and social anxiety.)

Eating in a new place, even if it's a type of food he's had before (e.g. burger) will result in any of the following:

1. He enjoys the meal and keeps it down. Win! (

DS is 24 by the way...

My youngest DS is picky so he’ll often have a pack up. He’s always been like this. At home I deliberately give him food he won’t eat. He always try it but has decided he doesn’t like it as soon as he sees if. We play the tasting game where he tries food blindfolded so he can guess what it is. As soon as something is in his mouth he’ll say what it is then take it out of his mouth and say he doesn’t like it. Luckily his limited range of food covers fruit, veg, chicken and some fish so although limited we manage and it’s easy for pack up. I still hope he’ll change as he gets older and doesn’t end up on a date ordering breaded chicken goujons!

At 16 and 13 that's ridiculous! If they know they only want or like chips from restaurants that's what they shouldn't have ordered. If it was me I'd not take them out again and say to dh that you can go on your own next time. Then he's wasting his money and time and you don't have to deal with it or waste your own time with pack up.

Should*

So if there were 6 of you, 4 of you were not your step-kids, so I assume 2 were you and dp, and 2 were your “real” children. Are your own children picky too? If so, how come that’s ok but it’s a big deal when it’s your step-kids. If not, then just buy your step-kids what they will eat, ie chips for god’s sake.

I don’t get why you have to “frame it”. It’s a bag of bloody chips. Go to McDonald’s instead and save yourselves a fortune rather than going to some poncy burger joint. Chips are chips, having a fancy name on the door doesn’t make them healthier, and nor does it need to be for a treat. It must be exhausting overthinking everything like that.

Completely o/t, but the (repeated) phrase 'pack up' is irrationally annoying me. 😅 Me too - never heard this expression before!

Let them tell you what they need for a packed lunch get items let them make their own packed lunch.stop going for meals outside.
Or have a meal before you leave home.
As they are picky you can’t expect this not to happen again.

At 16 and 13 rather than you pay for their meals give them a set amount of money instead at the start of they day; tell them it is for their meals and snacks and they can buy what they like but if they choose to spend it on something other than food you will not be giving them more money or buying them stuff.

If they'd bought those burgers and shakes from money in their own pocket. If they had handed over a tenner and got the change back in their hand, I suspect they wouldn't have been quite so picky because they would be wasting their own money.

All the time you pay for their meals they can afford to be as choosy as they like and it doesn't impact on them at all - it's no loss to them if they take one bite or one sip.

Put them in charge and they start seeing the consequences.

Also they get the first inkling of what it is like not to have a parental meal-ticket to rely on. You're still doing your part as parents - but the waste won't irk you quite as much.

Just to clarify - I mean an allowance for when you go out/trips - not every day.

They chose what they ate and said they were hungry which I well believe as neither got up to eat breakfast. A bag of chips isn't going to sustain them for a trip out. They were right in the cafe of the place we went looking for slices of cake because of course they were hungry. Lunch ended up being £25 each for them. Nor am I comfortable letting them think chips is a meal. MacDonalds has never happened and never will. Think what you will but it's just not somewhere I'm ever going to take any of them.

The younger two aren't picky at all and will eat most things. DSD wasn't picky until she realised being picky got DSS lots more crap food to eat. DSD is also very overweight and it's not good for her.

I guess I wonder how this will work out for them as adults. I've choked down plenty of business meals that weren't anything I liked because it would be incredibly rude not to eat especially in certain cultures/countries. Unless it tries to eat you first then down it goes. It would really limit the types of roles you could possibly take if you can't manage to eat a reasonable meal that's been provided for you. This was food they chose that wasn't remotely horrible that they chose to bin and fully expected more food as soon as we got to our destination.

During term time we only see them at weekends but during the summer holidays we have them for a month and the amount of food that went straight in the bin was huge. I always ask them for input into meals/places to eat. What I get from DSS is that "I can't be arsed".

What is your priority here, OP?

Is it the waste of money and food? Then accept it’s not worth it to eat out with them, especially as you think places like McDonalds are off the choice list, even if that’s what they’d prefer (you don’t say but I expect it probably is!)

Is it their limited diet? You won’t change that on a weekends basis, so again you’ll need to accept the limitations and if they don’t enjoy what you like, don’t eat out with them.

As to the limiting their life factor, they’ll either grow out of it or not, and if not then it will be their issue to manage if they’re on a business trip with monkey brains or whatever.

I’d be annoyed, I’d say no to the cake if meals weren’t eaten but I think you just need to accept their fussiness and find a way to let it not bother you e.g. limited meals out, even if that’s what you’d prefer.