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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take the DSC out with again to a meal in the near future?

156 replies

SulaHula · 06/09/2019 21:14

DSC are picky and always have been. We took them to an activity they both wanted to do and stopped at a drive thru diner for food on the way. They are very limited in what they will eat but we went over the menu together and this seemed safe as it was a burger and chips kind of place. DSS ordered a burger, chips and milkshake. DSD ordered a fried chicken sandwich, chips and milkshake. They only ate the chips and binned the rest having taken one bite/sip. It's such a HUGE waste of food and money. There are six of us in total and meals out aren't cheap. It kills me to watch yet another meal make its way into the bin. I've told DH I just don't want to take them out again any time soon as I'm just sick of it. He thinks IABU. I've said we should just take pack ups for them when we do days out. AIBU?

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 06/09/2019 22:31

Wow! Shocked at their ages acting like that. My rule is you don’t have to like it, but if you ordered it you eat it. (Exceptions for allergies or it is so disgusting it makes them vomit)

ThatUserNamesTakenTryAnother · 06/09/2019 22:31

Just get them chips or even send them in a shop with a few quid to buy their own lunch and juice before you get your meal.
(They're old enough to have manners though and it's poor behaviour really)

Kahlua4me · 06/09/2019 22:32

What would you do if it they were your own dc? Perhaps work on that and then do the same.

My friends dd is a very fussy eater and is often at our house at meal times. I tend to offer her what I know she likes, within reason as not specifically cooking for her, but dont worry if she leaves it as it’s only the one meal of a day.

I can imagine it is frustrating but you can only offer what you think they will like and then not worry if they leave it. Maybe offer something else a bit later on...

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 06/09/2019 22:33

Are you telling me you’ve never ordered anything from a chippy or burger van or somewhere and the food was awful so you binned it?

Sparrowlegs248 · 06/09/2019 22:34

Jesus, my 2 are 2 and 4. Disgraceful behaviour from.teenagers.

SunshineAngel · 06/09/2019 22:37

Are they reliably picky? i.e. do you know what they will/won't eat? I'd say just get chips if that's all they'll eat when you're out. I think home is where you fight the battle and try to encourage new foods, but eating out is definitely the time for appeasement! I had a cousin who would only ever eat chips and garlic bread until he was about 12, and his parents just let him get on with it in the end, hoping he'd grow out of it, and feeding him vitamins (he's 18 now, and totally fine).

WhyBirdStop · 06/09/2019 22:38

@JoxerGoesToStuttgart the OP said they always do this, it's not a one off dodgy meal, they also don't eat packed lunches. They are old enough to choose and eat something.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 06/09/2019 22:44

Yes and what they chose- a previously untested meal so they had no idea if they would like it or not- half of it didn’t taste well for them so they didn’t eat it and ate the half that was fine. If OP wants to be sure they will eat what she buys then she’s needs to buy the food that they have previously eaten without problems.

FWIW there is such a thing as a hypersensitive palate. To many people a burger is a burger no matter where it’s from. To others they can taste every little tiny difference from one burger to the next. Some of those burgers will tase very unpleasant to these people and they can’t know before tasting it whether it will or not.

goldfinchfan · 06/09/2019 22:44

I think they are old enough to put their own packed lunch together.
Buy a food Thermos to keep food warm/hot and be firm about it.
All that waste is not ok.
Or they could have that amount of money for a treat they choose....as long as they make a luch to take with them.

willstarttomorrow · 06/09/2019 22:51

At this age I do not think this is being picky but rather some kind of entitlement or attention seeking behaviour. I know that earing out, even at a drive through or cheap burger joint, was a massive treat when I was growing up. I have noticed how normal it has become for DD and her friends now amd they really do not understand that it adds to family expenses.

Duck90 · 06/09/2019 22:54

I struggled with meals out as a child and teenager. Often I would dislike a meal that I normally liked. I didn’t enjoy being like that, and it must have been awful for my parents. But they were tolerant of it, thankfully.

Similar to what joxer said about a sensitive palate.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 06/09/2019 22:57

Hmm, presumably only two meals were thrown though and the rest of you ate yours?

There are six of us too so we always did pack ups when ours were small. 16 and 13 is old enough not to be so silly though. It’s frustrating but I think you have to suck it up in a stepfamily.

Original poster
SulaHula · 06/09/2019 22:58

The food wasn't some horrid chippy food either. It's run by Soho house so hardly down market.

Honestly I'd be fuming if their half siblings ever binned perfectly fine food they'd chosen themselves.

I think the idea of getting them to make their own pack up is a good one although I don't think they'll do it. They don't help around the house at all as it is. Just letting them eat chips will cause howls of outrage from the other kids. Maybe it's the easiest way though. Not entirely sure I'll frame it to the others though.

OP posts:
Glitteryone · 06/09/2019 22:59

So as they’re ‘step kids’ I assume they don’t live with you full time?

So how often do you buy them a cheap meal from a drive thru? Once a week? And you begrudge it?

If this was my teenage kids I would expect them to tell you to keep your packed lunch and come home!

HerRoyalNotness · 06/09/2019 22:59

Sure if I’m fetching I’d bin it. Probably only happened once before where I mistakenly ordered something with offal, which makes me heave. Otherwise even if I don’t like it, I eat it and either don’t eat at that place again or avoid that specific dish.

Justaboy · 06/09/2019 23:04

From a very early young age my offspring were edcuated that it's a crime to waste food, it was drummed into them.

Sorry OP but they they wouldn't have done that!.

SuzieSunshine · 06/09/2019 23:06

I'm not sure if they do it because they can get away with it? My OH's son used to love cucumber so I would buy about two when he came to stay every other weekend. He asked me for a sandwich once so I made him a cucumber sandwich which he refused to eat as it had cucumber in it. FFS - he used to make me really dread the visits.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 06/09/2019 23:07

Just letting them eat chips will cause howls of outrage from the other kids.

So let the others have chips too? It’s only one meal out, why does it matter if they all only eat chips for it? It’ll be cheaper all round too.

MatildaTheCat · 06/09/2019 23:23

Stop eating out and plan and cook meals together? Obviously much more work but this kind of thoughtless waste gives me the rage. With a bit of forward planning maybe the family could have organised ie chicken fahitas or made some gourmet burgers which would have actually been eaten?

Ember12 · 06/09/2019 23:32

Did they order the burgers themselves or did they do it because they had to have a full meal like the other children?

kateandme · 07/09/2019 00:43

it really doesnt take "a weekend" to make a pack lunch though

kateandme · 07/09/2019 00:47

sounds like its all linked though actually.from your last post you saying they wouldnt make their own packed lunch.at their age?they are perfectly capable and they know they dont have to.and ar able to get away with not doing anything round the house still.hence why they are non thinking on the food front too a bit i think.
they get what they want.do what they want.dont do or eat wha tthey dont care fr on a whim.
you need to start making them more aware.

BeanBag7 · 07/09/2019 00:57

It’s incredibly bad manners to expect someone to eat something they don’t like just because you’ve provided/ paid for it.

I think it's incredibly bad manners to refuse to eat something which has been provided/paid for for you by someone else. It's a burger and chips, how different can it be??

OP I dont think you're being unreasonable. In future make them a packed lunch (or in fact at age 16 they should be able to do their own!)

Penguinpop · 07/09/2019 00:59

My children are far far younger, but in this situation they are also very picky and eat light. Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) they like to eat chicken nuggets. Could you just get them a chicken nugget sharebox next time? Key word is share, so they shouldn't feel like any of them have the authority to put it in the bin and you can put whats not eaten in the fridge for later.

1300cakes · 07/09/2019 01:01

Don't quite understand the comment about how allowing them to order chips would cause howls of outrage from other kids. As you did allow them to order chips. It doesn't make much sense to insist they order burgers/fried chicken as well to make the meal "healthier" (?).

I get your frustration but I can see the other side as well. As for the wasted food and money side, you've spent the same amount no matter how much they eat of it. The food and money is just as gone whether they bin it, or force it down when they don't want it.

If they binned the meal then wanted you to buy more or cook them another meal at home, you would have more of a point.

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