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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be hurt or am I just being a snowflake?

125 replies

shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 18:43

Genuinely hope to be told I’m BU.

A couple of weeks ago dh lost his favourite Swiss Army knife. He was disappointed.

So today’s his birthday, and I’ve bought him a lovely (not to mention expensive) knife. From the kids I got a leather pouch from the same brand to keep it in. I thought I’d done pretty well.

His response wasn’t over the moon, so of course, as you do, I said ‘oh no you don’t like it!’

He says no it’s lovely but to be honest he wanted to buy the same one as he had last time and was I able to return it?

I’m gutted!

Currently in the other room pretending to be absolutely fine!

OP posts:
lostfrequencies · 06/09/2019 18:44

Ah of course YANBU to be upset. It was a really thoughtful gift.

sallysayssosillysausage · 06/09/2019 18:45

YABU.

Have you never been given a gift you weren’t keen on?

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 06/09/2019 18:45

I think it’s fine to have wanted a like for like one, I think buying the wrong kind is often the case then trying to replace a lost item.

I’d let him return it, it’s fine 🤷🏻‍♀️

BertrandRussell · 06/09/2019 18:46

Well, he was rude. But I don’r understand why you didn’t just get him the same knife!

PegasusReturns · 06/09/2019 18:46

Why didn't you just buy the same one he'd lost given that it was his favourite?

RednaxelasPony · 06/09/2019 18:47

Lesson learned. Just exchange it for one like the missing one!

Teachermaths · 06/09/2019 18:47

At least he was honest. Did you ask him if he wanted a different one or just assume?

My nan always does this, asks, then buys some inferior or different version of what you ask for. It's annoying.

He shouldn't have to fake loving it to keep you happy OP. You had the nice thought but sounds like your execution of the plan was a little off.

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 06/09/2019 18:47

I would definitely be upset and I don't think you're being a snowflake at all.

He sounds rude and ungrateful.

BogglesGoggles · 06/09/2019 18:48

Still trying to get past the whole Swiss Army knife thing. I think they’re really cool but have never known anyone to own one. What do you actually use them for?

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 06/09/2019 18:49

Why didn't you just buy the same one he'd lost given that it was his favourite?

Maybe OP didn't realise that her DH was going to be such a fuss-pot. She bought an expensive present. He should be grateful.

Walkamileinmyshoes · 06/09/2019 18:49

Aw it’s slways a shame when you’re excited because you think you’ve had a great idea for a present, but the recipient doesn’t share your enthusiasm!
On the other hand, I’ve been given gifts where inside I just think “wtf?”. I’d try not to make into a big deal ... there are more important things to fall out over. Flowers

NoBaggyPants · 06/09/2019 18:50

Always a bad idea to buy a different version of a favourite item.

Best to be honest if something isn't right.

Walkamileinmyshoes · 06/09/2019 18:50

I think I’ve managed to make falling-out sound like a goal, rather than something to be avoided Blush

dudsville · 06/09/2019 18:51

Yours was a very thoughtful gift and/but he had an emotional attachment to the lost one. You're both in the right.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/09/2019 18:52

Of course you’re disappointed but surely you’d prefer him to be honest with you?

countrygirl99 · 06/09/2019 18:54

A swiss army knife is a tool. You need one that feels right in your hands. I use a simple clasp knife for opening hay bales etc, but I was really upset when I lost my favourite one, I couldn't find one that was just the right size and weight. It's not a question of cost or having the most gizmos, it's a personal thing.

LettuceP · 06/09/2019 18:54

If dh has spent a lot of money on a gift that I don't like then I will always tell him so we can return/exchange it. Its just common sense really to not waste a large amount of money on something that won't get used. He's just being sensible OP don't take offence.

mamaoffourdc · 06/09/2019 18:55

Snowflake

slobberyblob · 06/09/2019 18:55

I think I'd prefer my partner to tell me rather than stay quiet to appear grateful. Don't take it to heart.

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 18:57

My son and him do a lot of outdoorsy camping type things and I bought him a smaller version of it for his birthday, he says how ace it was...

OP posts:
RedskyLastNight · 06/09/2019 18:58

The problem is your DH has 2 options

  1. Say he loves your present and is then forced to use it for years, begrudging the fact it's not the one he really wanted

or

  1. Tells you up front that he appreciates it, just he'd prefer the other one.

I've done (1) too many times and resented it. I think with someone you should be able to tell the truth to, (2) is much the better option.

eladen · 06/09/2019 18:58

Yours was a very thoughtful gift and/but he had an emotional attachment to the lost one. You're both in the right.

I agree. Nobody is being unreasonable.

Sorrysorrysosorry · 06/09/2019 18:58

He wanted the same one, just swap it. I don’t see what there is to be upset about.

Chitarra · 06/09/2019 18:59

I think it's good that he was able to be honest about it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/09/2019 18:59

That just shows it’s a personal decision, they’re different people, they feel differently.

The thing about gifts is they’re about the recipient, you should want them to be happy. If you make this about your own feelings you’re ruining the previous thought and intention that went into it. Don’t do that. It’s not his fault he preferred the old one and it’s his gift, his birthday, up to him.