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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be hurt or am I just being a snowflake?

125 replies

shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 18:43

Genuinely hope to be told I’m BU.

A couple of weeks ago dh lost his favourite Swiss Army knife. He was disappointed.

So today’s his birthday, and I’ve bought him a lovely (not to mention expensive) knife. From the kids I got a leather pouch from the same brand to keep it in. I thought I’d done pretty well.

His response wasn’t over the moon, so of course, as you do, I said ‘oh no you don’t like it!’

He says no it’s lovely but to be honest he wanted to buy the same one as he had last time and was I able to return it?

I’m gutted!

Currently in the other room pretending to be absolutely fine!

OP posts:
Bananashake · 06/09/2019 20:36

I use my Swiss army knife all the time, I use it in the garden, round the house just general stuff. And tbh the one I have doesn't have scissors and I really wish it did, so I understand your dh.

Scissor · 06/09/2019 20:36

I think YABU. Doesn't matter how long he's owned it if it is the fit for him then you need to match. I have secateurs that fit me. I have perfume that fits me. I will not accept stuff that is wrong for me.

PegasusReturns · 06/09/2019 20:38

Maybe OP didn't realise that her DH was going to be such a fuss-pot. She bought an expensive present. He should be grateful

Replacing a favourite something with something that is not the favourite something is foolish

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 20:39

‘I will not accept stuff that is wrong for me.’

Did you mean that to sound the way it did @scissor? Wow !

OP posts:
Scissor · 06/09/2019 20:40

And before anyone says they are just things they are my important things. I have friends who like brands of cooking knives, Wellingtons, face cream, that is what they like, use, want and why waste money on something someone doesn't like

saraclara · 06/09/2019 20:41

There are a huge number of different Victorinox knives. They each have different numbers of and types of gadgets, so buying 'a Victorinox' to replace a Victorinox can result in buying something fundamentally different from the original.

We mentioned liking a Denby dinner service before we got married. My in laws bought us a Denby dinner service as a wedding present, based on that casual comment - without asking which design. The one they bought was nothing like the classical Denby pottery, and something we'd never ever have chosen. In fact we hated it. I was sad for them and for us.

So yep, a brand name isn't enough to go on.

phoenixrosehere · 06/09/2019 20:43

Yabu.

Which would have been better, him lying to you saying he liked it and using it anyway just to spare your feelings, him lying to you and then buying what he really wanted without you knowing, or him being honest and upfront?

Your intentions were lovely, but it seems you just threw money at it (you saying how expensive the new knife was) vs just getting the exact same one. Was the one he wanted expensive too or cheaper?

If my husband had said what he did, I wouldn’t be upset by it, I’d be glad he was honest and happily return it so he could get what he truly wanted since it is his gift and I would want him to enjoy it.

Scissor · 06/09/2019 20:43

Oops yes that did read wrong. I was thinking of secateurs. I have one brand, one pair that are like my best friend... They just fit!

Yabbers · 06/09/2019 20:45

He had a great knife. He lost it so you bought him a different one?

I’d be looking to change it too.

QualCheckBot · 06/09/2019 20:46

YANBU. I'd be hurt by that. I was brought up to think that the feelings of the person who gives the gift are more important than the desire of the person to have exactly the right thing. Its a gift. Its free. If its wrong, the receiver doesn't lose out by pretending to like it and then gently letting it slide that he doesn't use it or has quietly replaced it. Rejecting it immediately is brash.

I'm sure its in Debretts somewhere. Anyway, that's the way I was brought up.

Brigante9 · 06/09/2019 20:49

It was very thoughtful of you, but I’ve done similar and my dh basically told me he didn’t want it. I accidentally set fire to his carving fork which was a family one, belonged to his dad, the handle was wrecked. I got the handle replaced but it was the handle he was bothered about, so he just wasn’t impressed. I really tried!

You did a nice thing, but I think the knife was too personal and he wanted the same one.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 06/09/2019 20:50

Does anybody read the Debretts guide to gift acceptance Grin

GoldenBlue · 06/09/2019 20:51

I think it is a great thing that he trusts and respects you enough to be honest about what he really wants

And it would be great to show how much you love him by being happy to change the gift to what he really wants and be able to enjoy his happiness

We are sometimes too polite for our own good but sure as dear partners we want a closer relationship than that and the ability to be honest with each other

GoldenBlue · 06/09/2019 20:52

But I understand that it hurts to 5ink you got it so right and feel disappointed that it was a near miss instead

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 06/09/2019 20:52

He lost a victorinox Swiss Army knife

You bought him a smaller victorinox Swiss Army knife....

A replacement is the same.

A present is a better model.

You bought him less than a replacement and expected the reaction of a present.

You were 2 levels down from a present.

Hope this helps

Scissor · 06/09/2019 20:55

Yes I get the whole polite acceptance of gifts thing for people with enough money and time to fanny around and essentially become deceitful in present swapping but this is the equivalent of buying someone saucepans who prefers cooking in copper and you've bought Teflon and they actually are according to Debretts now required to cook until they can magically swap the pans secretly.. By the way this present giving rule fandango occurs only with people who may not ever have to use tools.

Dieu · 06/09/2019 20:58

How was he being rude? Confused
He was just being honest. I'd rather this than I wasted my money, with the knife sitting in a drawer unused.

SarahAndQuack · 06/09/2019 20:59

I think what Debretts - wonderful as I'm sure it is - misses out is that gifts are generally gifts, not replacements.

Debretts isn't really written for people who consider replacing a broken knife a birthday gift (ie., most of us), or for people (again, most of us) who are conscious that money is a finite resource, and the best way to respect your partner spending money on you is to be honest about whether or not you will enjoy it.

SarahAndQuack · 06/09/2019 20:59

Or, what scissor said much more succinctly.

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 21:01

Oh do keep up bath. He did not lose a victorinox knife.

If you’re going to flame them please at least pay attention.

OP posts:
Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 21:02

And it was a bloody gift! It was never understood that this was a replacement. It was just a nice gift!

OP posts:
ILoveAllRainbowsx · 06/09/2019 21:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Scissor · 06/09/2019 21:07

Fab, so he can now replace the knife he likes. Win all round.

LatteLove · 06/09/2019 21:11

*Yours was a very thoughtful gift and/but he had an emotional attachment to the lost one. You're both in the right.

I agree. Nobody is being unreasonable.*

I agree. I’d be peeved too but then I’d rationalise it that my husband is a fussy bastard and would prefer the one he likes. I’d never buy my husband a pen knife as he’s so fussy.

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 21:18

Anyone want a Victorinox evolution with a ripped box?

OP posts:
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