AIBU to be hurt or am I just being a snowflake?

[shesgrownhorns]

Genuinely hope to be told I’m BU.

A couple of weeks ago dh lost his favourite Swiss Army knife. He was disappointed.

So today’s his birthday, and I’ve bought him a lovely (not to mention expensive) knife. From the kids I got a leather pouch from the same brand to keep it in. I thought I’d done pretty well.

His response wasn’t over the moon, so of course, as you do, I said ‘oh no you don’t like it!’

He says no it’s lovely but to be honest he wanted to buy the same one as he had last time and was I able to return it?

I’m gutted!

Currently in the other room pretending to be absolutely fine!

Genuinely hope to be told I’m BU
YABU

He said it was libel, he appears to appreciate the effort/thought/gift...he just wants one the same as he had, I think that’s fair enough. He was nice about it.

Obviously you’re disappointed that it’s not exactly what he wanted, but be honest with yourself- him having what he really wants is more important isn’t it? Plus, if he only got it last year and really liked it, why didn’t you get him the exactly same one?

Oh, no, sorry!

I didn't mean my post as a criticism of you - I was responding to the poster who quoted Debretts, and pointing out it really isn't in any way relevant to the lives most of us lead.

You tried a really nice thing. If I were you I would feel down too. But I also agree with others he isn't wrong.

Which model - there are about a million different versions!

Surely you can return it ?

A ripped box isn’t the end of the world

SarahAndQuack Debretts isn't really written for people who consider replacing a broken knife a birthday gift (ie., most of us), or for people (again, most of us) who are conscious that money is a finite resource, and the best way to respect your partner spending money on you is to be honest about whether or not you will enjoy it.

Nicely put. Its just that kindness is free.

And I knew I was going to be flamed on here for mentioning Debretts but hey ho.

I would tend towards not buying him a present next year, or a very small one.

Bloody phone! He said it was ‘lovely’ not libel!!

Think of it like DH bought you a similar perfume to you're absolute favourite.

It's not quite the same as you've been wearing for years, but the sentiment was there and you're genuinely happy at the thought process for the gift. But you whouldnt be afraid to say"actually the X one I had before is my all time favourite, this is similar hut would you mind if I swapped it?"

Its not that he doesnt like it, he just wants the same one ideally :)

I would tend towards not buying him a present next year, or a very small one.

Because he was honest with his wife about something she’ll expect him to use which wasn’t what he wanted?

It's not really about mentioning Debretts.

It's about the idea that kindness costs nothing, but receiving it is so expensive, you're justified in not buying a gift next year!

I think the evolution has a locking blade, so it can't be carried in public - might that be the issue?

Good analogy PoppingOneOutIn2020

My DH is great with gifts and gets my taste well so has only once got it wrong with a piece of jewellery for my birthday one year. I opened it, said how nice the colour was but that it was very big and an unusual style, he said that’s exactly what he’d thought, really wasn’t sure but thought he’d see how I felt, straight away said he’d exchange it and a couple of days later presented me with something perfect. Neither of us would want the other to keep something we weren’t really keen on - we want each other to be happy!

I know you were pleased with what you chose for him but, again, it’s about him being happy, not your feelings being protected.

I think with something like Swiss Army Knives they have lots of different tools and features and it may be that he uses certain ones that aren't, unfortunately, on the model you bought him. They look like a very specific sort of gift, and it's not like a CD where you could get a CD and it might not be perfect yet the person would still listen to it as they might have 50 CDs or whatever, with tools like that you'd tend to have one and one only (a bit like a Pandora bracelet or something) so personally I think he's just being honest and it's unfortunate as obviously you were trying to do a nice thing, but I do think it's better he's honest than waste the money.

E.g. this www.victorinox.com/uk/en/Products/Swiss-Army-Knives/Medium-Pocket-Knives/Swiss-Champ-XAVT/p/1.6795.XAVT?utm_source=bybuybye&utm_source=RakutenMarketing&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=3539667:NMPi+-+Comparison+Shopping+Service&utm_content=10&utm_term=UKNetwork&ranMID=43997&ranEAID=BezHM9PFMlA&ranSiteID=BezHM9PFMlA-pNyJJ4PVc8hHkwvUDO4G1A

is very different to this

www.amazon.co.uk/Victorinox-0-2373-T-Pocket-Lanyard-Transparent/dp/B001CJX212/ref=asc_df_B001CJX212/?hvlocphy=1007192&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=222086461140&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos=1o2&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-420367943270&hvrand=15592871740479212540

@BogglesGoggles my dad always has one on his pocket when I was little. It was useful for everything!!

@Toddlerteaplease see that’s interesting because I can’t think of anything that I’d use them for but maybe once you’ve got one you realise how useful they are. I do love the way they have so many different bits that come out.

This is maybe why I didn't get on with ex family I truly cannot fathom how not communicating effectively about a gift due to "manners" but then passive aggressively punishing a supposed loved one a year down the line because they were not acceptably grateful for a gift they neither requested or wanted is a fabulous model of a functional relationship.

And it was a bloody gift! It was never understood that this was a replacement. It was just a nice gift

Would you have bought him it if he hadn’t lost the old one. No? Then it was a replacement.

He was polite but honest - I don't see rude and ungrateful at all tbh

Definitely being a snowflake

Still trying to get past the whole Swiss Army knife thing. I think they’re really cool but have never known anyone to own one. What do you actually use them for?

Personally I use mine to remove stones from horses’ hooves

Man thang is it not?.

Nothing like that old cardy, coat, cloth cap thats either worn out or the other half has thrown out.

The replacment new one is never "quite" the same.

Its not your fault OP!..

Opening hay bales.

Is he Bear Grylls?

YANBU. I can understand you making the effort and then feeling hurt. Perhaps it was the way he said it.

YANBU to be disappointed that your gift, which you put thought into, wasn’t quite right.
YABU to be more upset than that.

Would you rather he lied and pretended he was delighted, but then never used it?
Surely it’s better now when you can swap it than find it in a drawer next year and wish he’d said something.
I think the real issue is you tried, you got it wrong (through best of intentions) and you’re hurt. Understandable, but move on. Making a fuss about it is daft.

I get you OP. I always think I've got a really brilliant present that OH will 'collapse on the floor' with sheer delight at my wonderfully thoughtful gift. I spend ages wrapping it and can't wait to hand it over and then...........not the reaction I was expecting. I do laugh but deep down I'm a bit hurt that the enthusiasm wasn't mutual!! I also made the mistake of when OH asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I said 'Oh nothing really' and I literally got nothing :(

This thread is a great argument for Amazon wish lists.

But really OP, you had a good initial idea, then you failed to think it through. You didn't know what it is about knives, what design, what features, he's interested in. That doesn't count as 'really thoughtful gift'. It's a case of 'good idea but let's throw money at it and buy 'expensive knife', rather than think it through and get him what he'd really like'.