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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be hurt or am I just being a snowflake?

125 replies

shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 18:43

Genuinely hope to be told I’m BU.

A couple of weeks ago dh lost his favourite Swiss Army knife. He was disappointed.

So today’s his birthday, and I’ve bought him a lovely (not to mention expensive) knife. From the kids I got a leather pouch from the same brand to keep it in. I thought I’d done pretty well.

His response wasn’t over the moon, so of course, as you do, I said ‘oh no you don’t like it!’

He says no it’s lovely but to be honest he wanted to buy the same one as he had last time and was I able to return it?

I’m gutted!

Currently in the other room pretending to be absolutely fine!

OP posts:
Pitterpatterpettysteps · 06/09/2019 19:38

Reminds me of when I lost my favourite teddy and my granny, meaning to be kind, bought me a replacement bear. Apparently I pouted and refused to look at it.

ittakes2 · 06/09/2019 19:40

YABU - much more sensible to spend money on buying a knife he wants rathers than pretending he is happy with the knife you got...you do realise you are asking your hubby to lie to you to make you happy?

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 19:41

Squirrels it was a victorinox that I’d bought. Maybe it was a leather man he had, I’ll take a look.

OP posts:
Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 19:44

No it wasn’t a leatherman.

I’m hearing that I’m BU. Ok fair enough 😀

OP posts:
RedskyLastNight · 06/09/2019 19:48

There's a third option - pretend you love it, but secretly buy another of the ones you really like, let the gifter think you're using the present.

Can't see how that's a better option than just saying you'd rather swap it. And if it's an expensive present, what a waste of money! Plus presumably it would be pretty hard to pretend he was using the present without OP realising he wasn't ..

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 19:49

And ittakes2 no I’m not asking him to lie to me, precisely why I’m coming on here for opinions!

OP posts:
Onlythelonelywelcome · 06/09/2019 19:49

*He sounds rude and ungrateful.g
He doesn’t sound rude and ungrateful. He lost a much loved item and was disappointed with the replacement.
I think yabu and over sensitive

CJSmith2019 · 06/09/2019 19:49

Ah you are allowed to be a bit disappointed. It was a thoughtful gift. Better though that he said it rather than pretending.

RandomMess · 06/09/2019 19:49

Being positive he was honest with you and that took guts!

He clearly did appreciate the thought and the replacement knife will be well lived - get it inscribed from you Wink

joystir59 · 06/09/2019 19:53

YABU. I understand him wanting like for like and that this is a tool he will have for many years, hopefully, and he wants the one he wants.

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 19:56

Thank you and for the record this original knife was not, as to my knowledge, adored. I think you have visions of bear grylls with his favourite machete strapped to his belt.

OP posts:
WilburIsSomePig · 06/09/2019 19:58

Well I suppose he was right to say that he would prefer one the same as his old one but YANBU to be hurt. It's only natural when you've put a lot of thought into a gift and you think it'll go down really well and it doesn't.

DH went on and on about something in particular and I bought it for him for our first wedding anniversary. I bought exactly what he wanted. When he opened it, it turned out that it really didn't suit his requirements after all. It had been a pain in the arse for me to get and instead of saying, 'ah thanks but maybe a different one would suit' he acted like I'd handed him a shit in a box. I was SO hurt. I've never fully forgiven him and we've been married 16 years now. Grin

bmbonanza · 06/09/2019 19:59

I'd stab him with the knife for being an ungrateful barstool.

lottiegarbanzo · 06/09/2019 19:59

Why didn't you get him the right one? It's like buying someone 'perfume' when they only wear one kind.

So, you were thoughtful and on the right lines but you didn't get it right. It's good he was able to say so and it can be swapped for one he will think was a great gift.

Polite acceptance is for gifts from people you aren't so close to, or who enjoy the risk of guessing, or imposing their taste on others because they think it's better.

WilburIsSomePig · 06/09/2019 20:00

@postershesgrownhorns I think you have visions of bear grylls with his favourite machete strapped to his belt. Grin

dollydaydream114 · 06/09/2019 20:01

It’s disappointing when someone doesn’t like a gift (I’ve been there!) but surely you’d rather he was honest and got the thing he really wanted than had to carry around something he wasn’t keen on just to keep you happy? It’s his birthday gift and it should be about him, not you, after all. Also it sounds like he did really appreciate the actual thought behind the present even if it wasn’t quite the right one.

PhDone · 06/09/2019 20:02

Sorry I'm totally on your DHs side here.
I have a victorinox my parents bought me when I was 11, I always have it in my handbag and use it all the time - I'm very emotionally attached to it, and if I lost it I'd want to choose the replacement.
and fgs it's not illegal whoever said that.

Jellybabiesarebabies · 06/09/2019 20:06

Why not let him swap it?

frazzledasarock · 06/09/2019 20:16

Its not unreasonable for you to be upset.

But he’s not unreasonable to want a specific replacement.

Whenever I get DP tools I ensure it’s something he really wants, he’s a specific brand/type sort of person.

Dp does the same for me, he gets me exactly the thing he knows I want, not different brand or anything as I’d be disappointed.

Honeyroar · 06/09/2019 20:22

I think your idea of replacing it was lovely, but I'm with him in that if it was something I'd loved and been used to for years I'd probably want the same. He could've been more tactful, but honesty is better than lying. (and if he'd said he'd loved it and then bought his own replacement you'd have noticed at some point and had the same discussion later anyway).

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 20:24

Phdone it was a victorinox and nobody said it was illegal?

OP posts:
Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 20:26

Ok. The original knife was not one he’d had for years. He got it last year. I appreciate this is not the point but there are one or two assumptions being made here!

OP posts:
Span1elsRock · 06/09/2019 20:27

I take back every single present I buy DH. He's very "specific" about buying things.....

I'd take it as a good thing that he could tell you the truth, and let him choose the replacement. It was a very thoughtful gesture on your part Flowers

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 20:29

Also not relevant but I’d like to say is, he asks me what I want for my birthday and then I order it myself off amazon! And I never complain 🙄

OP posts:
Rachelle11 · 06/09/2019 20:36

Right but when you order off Amazon you get what you want right? I do that too and never think of it as a bad thing. It kind of sounds like you are trying to justify why he should have sucked it up. YANBU to be disappointed, YABU to be gutted in my opinion. And the details you are adding kind of just sound like you trying to make him sound worse.