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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be hurt or am I just being a snowflake?

125 replies

shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 18:43

Genuinely hope to be told I’m BU.

A couple of weeks ago dh lost his favourite Swiss Army knife. He was disappointed.

So today’s his birthday, and I’ve bought him a lovely (not to mention expensive) knife. From the kids I got a leather pouch from the same brand to keep it in. I thought I’d done pretty well.

His response wasn’t over the moon, so of course, as you do, I said ‘oh no you don’t like it!’

He says no it’s lovely but to be honest he wanted to buy the same one as he had last time and was I able to return it?

I’m gutted!

Currently in the other room pretending to be absolutely fine!

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 06/09/2019 18:59

When you say Swiss Army Knife do you mean a multi-tool similar to them? Was it a Leatherman he lost? Only because I know if my dad lost his he’d want an exact replacement.

I guess it’s like losing or ruining your favourite handbag which was totally perfect - right size, colour, shape, pockets in all the right places etc - and getting a new bag as a present that’s equivalent in expense/brand etc but just not quite right.

You wanted to please him, so return it graciously and get him what would really please him. It’s not a rejection of your thoughtfulness.

KUGA · 06/09/2019 19:00

Ungrateful git bag.
it`s illegal to use it on him so socks next time.
You must have spent ages looking for that too.

NabooThatsWho · 06/09/2019 19:01

Would you rather him lie and say he loves it, then shove it in a drawer never to be seen again?

Oblomov19 · 06/09/2019 19:03

No he's being honest. I would want as similar as possible. Don't be upset by this, your gift was thoughtful.

BBBear · 06/09/2019 19:04

I’m sure there was a thread on here from a woman who didn’t like a present her DH gave her... everyone told her to tell the truth. You should be able to tell your spouse if you don’t like a present!

BBBear · 06/09/2019 19:04

Meant to add she wanted a different version of the same thing - much like your DH does.

chickenyhead · 06/09/2019 19:05

I would be gutted too but I don't think he is being unreasonable.

The alternative was that he leaves that one unused in a drawer and buys the one he wants (all of my drawers are full)

Petrichor11 · 06/09/2019 19:06

YANBU to be disappointed but HINBU to be disappointed either!

Something like that people tend to find what works for them and stick with it, so it’s quite natural that he wanted the same as what he had before. But your gift was still thoughtful and it’s natural to be disappointed it wasn’t what he wanted. I think he did the right thing in telling you, otherwise every time he used it he’d be thinking he wished he had the other one. Or would end up replacing the one you bought him sooner rather than later anyway.

He should be grateful for the thought you put into it, and you should try and exchange it for him

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 06/09/2019 19:07

Nosquirrels it was a victorinox

OP posts:
pooopypants · 06/09/2019 19:08

You're being a bit sensitive. He liked his old one. Would you rather he lied to you?

everyonecaneffoff · 06/09/2019 19:11

I think he did the right thing being honest about it. These knives have all kinds of different tools on it and maybe it didn't have the right combination of tools.
It might have been better if you had said you wanted to replace the knife for his birthday and then let him say which one he wanted.

NoSquirrels · 06/09/2019 19:11

A Victorinox that he lost? Or that you bought?

It’s a lovely gift if you bought it, it’s just as others have said the feel of a tool like that is really personal - like a fountain pen, or whatever.

SarahAndQuack · 06/09/2019 19:12

I agree, better he's honest. It sounds as if he was perfectly polite.

Of course you feel a bit disappointed, but really, it's much better this way!

SunshineCake · 06/09/2019 19:12

So. Should YANBU to be upset but hiding in another room is a bit silly. If it is expensive there is no point him not having the right one for him. It's his birthday so it should be about what he would like, not your daft hurt feelings.

FuckFacePlatapus · 06/09/2019 19:15

Take it back and tell him to buy his own!

DarkDarkNight · 06/09/2019 19:15

I can see why you’re hurt, but I can also completely understand your husband’s POV. I mentioned to my Mum last year that I was going to get a new hairdryer with my Christmas money, on Christmas Day she gave me a new hairdryer. It’s good, a professional Babyliss one, but it’s not the brand I was planning on getting (GHD or Parlux).

For something you’re going to use all the time, or when you’re attached to a certain brand I think it’s nice to be able to pick your own. Saying that he’s an adult and I think it would have been better for him to say how thoughtful it was, but he really liked a different brand and would you mind if he returned it.

Breathlessness · 06/09/2019 19:16

No one is being unreasonable. You’re hurt that he wasn’t happy to receive his gift, he is honestly telling you that he’d wanted a specific knife and would rather change it.

There are loads of threads on here about DH/DPs buying expensive handbags or jewellery as gifts that the posters either really don’t like or they’d rather have in another colour. They’re usually told they’re not unreasonable to want to change it to something they want and like.

Juells · 06/09/2019 19:18

@RedskyLastNight

The problem is your DH has 2 options

There's a third option - pretend you love it, but secretly buy another of the ones you really like, let the gifter think you're using the present.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 06/09/2019 19:22

OP you know if he had purchased a thoughtful and expensive gift for you that was not right then almost everyone would be telling you to return it. Some gifts you can smile through gritted teeth, pretend you love and get away without ever using. Sometimes you need to be honest. He isn't being ungrateful he is being honest. How would you feel if he had thanked you and quietly gone out and got his preferred choice keeping yours in a drawer somewhere?

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/09/2019 19:23

Swiss Army knives come in lots of different versions and features. Maybe there is something fundamental missing. He either really likes the small version you bought him for his birthday or was being polite the first time so perhaps you’ve given him the wrong thing twice so cut him some slack.

PennyNotSoWise · 06/09/2019 19:26

I don't think either of you are BU to be honest. I can see why you're upset, but I can see his point too.

Is the one you got the same brand as the old one, or from the same place? Could you exchange at all for the one he wants?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 06/09/2019 19:26

Saying that he’s an adult and I think it would have been better for him to say how thoughtful it was, but he really liked a different brand and would you mind if he returned it.

But that is exactly what he has done.

IWouldPreferNotTo · 06/09/2019 19:28

Knives are a very personal thing. I love some pretty rubbish knives because they work well for me. Mainly due to a combination of feel, usability and cost.

Likewise if someone replaced my Leatherman wave with a different model I'm not sure I'd be happy.

MadeForThis · 06/09/2019 19:29

I would consider it a sign of a healthy relationship that he can be honest and say it's not what he wants.

The thought was there, I'm sure he really appreciates that. I'd be glad that I hadn't wasted a lot of money on something he isn't happy with.

This way he gets the knife he wants and he knows the thoughtful gesture you made.

Pinkypurple35 · 06/09/2019 19:33

I think i would prefer DH to have something he really wanted so I’d swap it.
Sometimes you get attached to a particular brand or make as it suits your need better than others.