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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why parents let their kids do this?!

406 replies

MustardScreams · 05/09/2019 14:27

Took dd out for lunch today to a lovely little cafe, geared up for kiddies (playroom, good kids food) as a treat as I haven’t been well, and work full time so we never have a week-day off together.

There was a little girl (the only other child there at that point) around 4/5 with no parents in sight and she saw me playing with dd and latched on. Usually I wouldn’t mind, but I really just wanted to spend time with my child. We couldn’t shake her off, and I couldn’t find her parent/guardian anywhere. Surely if you’re taking your kid out for lunch or whatever a) you keep an eye on them and b) you don’t let them harass other families?!

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 06/09/2019 19:04

My child helps me find out whose parents are pricks before anyone else does.

He is probably doing that service for other parents too, tbh. Your attitude would really have annoyed me. Up there with describing parents happily playing with their own kids (rather than entertaining yours) as ‘performance parents’.

Someonetookmyusername · 06/09/2019 19:09

Honestly I do feel for your child JassyRadlett I was that type of child and am that type of adult I hate talking to people I don't know etc. That's why I like my son's confidence and hate the idea of his confidence being knocked out of him. It's a difficult situation.

I don't understand going to a public place for alone time with your toddler at all. Anyway, my son needs more attention right now.

Someonetookmyusername · 06/09/2019 19:10

Nevermind...

Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/09/2019 19:11

Because the public place is a fun and exciting place for a child Hmm

AmIChangingagain · 06/09/2019 19:11

Someone My child helps me find out whose parents are pricks before anyone else does.

He's showing the rest of us too

JassyRadlett · 06/09/2019 19:11

And to be honest, the parents doing their kids disservice are those who haven’t taught their kids at age 3 and up to ask strangers if they can play with them before joining in, and to withdraw if the answer is ‘not today, sweetie.’

There’s quite a few of them, sadly.

Original poster
MustardScreams · 06/09/2019 19:12

@Someonetookmyusername what! You can’t go to a public place to spend alone time with your child? Of course you can. Do you invite every single family around you to join in whatever you’re doing the second you step out of the door? Bonkers.

OP posts:
Derbee · 06/09/2019 19:13

Surely the amount of time is relevant? A random kid comes over, goes down a slide (maybe with help of a stranger who is with their own child) and then the parent of the random kid looks after them = fine.

A random kid comes over, spends 20 mins following you and your child around, and parent of random kid is nowhere to be seen/drinking coffee/chatting/allowed to bow out because they have a baby (like @Someonetookmyusername seems to think is fine) = annoying

Someonetookmyusername · 06/09/2019 19:17

Do you invite every single family around you to join in whatever you’re doing the second you step out of the door?

If a child wants to play with mine the second I step out the door then yes I do. Anyway, this thread is making me irrationally angry and its it's bedtime.

JassyRadlett · 06/09/2019 19:18

I don't understand going to a public place for alone time with your toddler at all.

Seriously?!

I like my kids’ company. We like to do all different kids of things. Not all of them are away from other people.

We also enjoy museums, the woods, National Trust places, kids’ farms, and all sorts of places, as well cafes. My kids bloody love cafes. I love talking to them and hearing about what they like and what they think. Sometimes I like to do that outside our home.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/09/2019 19:18

Why? Because you've realised a majority of people would find your kid irritating?

FuckFacePlatapus · 06/09/2019 19:19

You are delightful @MustardScreams Hmm

Original poster
MustardScreams · 06/09/2019 19:19

@Someonetookmyusername oh come on you are taking the piss. You do not play with kids whilst on the school run, or about to wet yourself trying to find a public loo, or when your baby is having a screaming fit in the supermarket. There are time and places for everything. And teaching your children than is an important life lesson.

OP posts:
Eeyoreshouse · 06/09/2019 19:25

Yes, but you're missing my point. A 4 year old may feel miffed that they aren't wanted but they aren't going to analyse the sentence for how judiciously it was worded. Anyway, the whole point of using that sentence, or indeed the wishy-washy "Time to go back to mummy now", is to indicate to the child that it isn't wanted. People asked how to get rid of a strange child they didn't want to interact with and I explained

I'm not missing the point! I said it was mean to tell a four year old that they aren't wanted. And it is! It"s nothing to do with how judiciously or not, it"s worded.

To be clear, there is a big difference in letting your child go off and leaving them to play with other children of roughly the same at soft play or some such, and observing them from a distance (fine!) , and letting your child constantly mither another adult who is busy interacting with own child in a café (not fine!).

Fresta · 06/09/2019 19:26

It's unlikely the child was 4 or 5 because they would have been at school. They were probably only 3.

If you were the only people in the play area then it's understandable that they wanted to join in with you.

Eeyoreshouse · 06/09/2019 19:27

roughly the same age!

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 06/09/2019 19:27

Depends (sorry, haven’t read the full thread) but if it’s a soft play sort of set up, there really isn’t anything worse than parents who insist on crawling around the area. If you’re there, kids will talk to you but I think kids areas and for kids for parents can enjoy a chat.

BirthdayDreamer · 06/09/2019 19:27

Not RTWT but I would usually say to the child "And where's your Mummy?" (nicely). The child usually points them out (or says I'm with Daddy/Auntie/whoever). Or they say they can't find them, in which case you can alert staff to help.

Job done really Smile

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 06/09/2019 19:32

The other day we were in a pub garden. My two were within eyesight and sound and perfectly happy on the play equipment. An over anxious helicopter mum then starts interfering and ‘helping’ them to do things that they are perfectly capable of and happy to do. I then feel duty bound to go and hang about. So annoying. Look after your own child. Mine aren’t your responsibility.

For the record I play so, so, much with my kids but it’s nice to have a chat with adults every now and again.

This is why I avoid the South. So many helicopter parents.

TwiceAsNice22 · 06/09/2019 19:32

I think it’s a different scenario when a random child starts playing with other kids to a random child trying to join in with a child and their parents. Clearly if a parent is with their child they are having family time (regardless of if it’s at a public place)

I really used to hate this when my Dts were toddlers and we were at the playground. It was stressful stopping them from getting hurt or running off in different directions. It happened frequently that children would latch on and want me to help them with the swings or seesaw etc. it would definitely grate on my nerves that I was busy enough with my own kids (and really needed to constantly have my eyes on them at that age) and the other child’s parents were having a relaxing time, not paying attention to their own kids.

I do think it’s great that kids have independent play at playgrounds etc, but I also think some of the time kids want their parents playing with them (even when they are a bit older, 4,5etc). That’s why they gravitate towards adults they see actively playing with their small children.

I hope you have a speedy recovery OP

MaybeMaybeNotJ · 06/09/2019 19:41

YWNBU this is always me. Yes a polite quick chat is ok but then leave me to play with my children please and not keep answering all of your questions on my day off!

TumblingTumbleWeeds · 06/09/2019 19:43

There was a kid who lived me who was the same age as my son, 4 or 5 at the time. He used to latch on to us because his mother didn't have much time for him.

One day I was taking my son for our favorite walk and told the child we'd see him later. Moments later his mother rushed to the door and told me yes he could come with us but we had to bring him home at a certain time. The little nipper had told his mother I'd invited him!

Anyway, on our walk he wouldn't listen to a thing I told him. He ran through some stingy nettles and then crying his eyeballs out with snot running down his face he fell into a stream.

He never tried to con his way into going for a walk with us again.

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 06/09/2019 19:52

the op post was about a child climbing up on her while she's trying to mind her own 2 year old and have one to one time with them with no parents/ careers in sight, When a child is asking other adults for help constantly or ignoring what the other adults are saying to them or following them around nagging the other parents not the children there or when obviously they are getting in the way of them minding they own children, and your either not taking any notice of what your child is doing or you are watching but think it's ok I hope this post has let a lot of you know a good group of adults don't think it's ok to be constantly badgered by other people's children whenever we take our own anywhere in my opinion if a child is like this with me they either extremely bored to be clinging to a adult who gives plenty of hints to the child without being mean or want adult interaction/play/help which is the parents responsibility not some randomeer out with they own children

JustDoingMe · 06/09/2019 19:52

Hmmm!
I think some of those on here telling the OP she was BU are guilty of the same practise as the missing parent/s!
What would they say if the child had fallen during that time and hurt themselves who would be to blame then?
15 to 20 minutes unsupervised... it would take an unsavoury person a lot less time than that to abduct an unsupervised child.
Sorry to be doom and gloom and I know it is extreme but shit does happen.
And OP YANBU!

DeegeeDee · 06/09/2019 19:58

@barryfromclareisfit that's such a sad story x

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