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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask why parents let their kids do this?!

406 replies

MustardScreams · 05/09/2019 14:27

Took dd out for lunch today to a lovely little cafe, geared up for kiddies (playroom, good kids food) as a treat as I haven’t been well, and work full time so we never have a week-day off together.

There was a little girl (the only other child there at that point) around 4/5 with no parents in sight and she saw me playing with dd and latched on. Usually I wouldn’t mind, but I really just wanted to spend time with my child. We couldn’t shake her off, and I couldn’t find her parent/guardian anywhere. Surely if you’re taking your kid out for lunch or whatever a) you keep an eye on them and b) you don’t let them harass other families?!

OP posts:
vanillaicedtea · 06/09/2019 18:12

I can't believe some posters think this is okay tbh 😂 but as long as you get your phone and coffee time, to hell with everyone else and their plans.

Why on earth should OP stay home? The parents who have kids they can't be arsed minding them should be the ones staying home if anyone. Let everyone else bond with their child in peace.

MerlinsScarf · 06/09/2019 18:15

I love it when my DC make friends at a soft play or kids' cafe, but it's awkward when you end up in charge with the parents nowhere to be seen.

The same as loopytiles, my DH has had this happen where the other DC then want to be helped on other equipment that our own DC aren't even on, start trying to do something dangerous like throwing cars down the slide and so on.

Nobody minds helping out, community spirit and all that, but some parents take it to extremes and won't budge from their relaxing coffee while leaving others to do twice the work.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 06/09/2019 18:16

I do get what you’re saying but we’re you being very smiley and accommodating? Maybe she and her parents though you were happy to interact, 2.5yr olds usually love being around older kids.
I’m sure you could have sent her back rather than getting wound up about it, people don’t know what you’re thinking unless you make it clear.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/09/2019 18:23

You're a better person than me OP Smile

I was once playing with my DS when another child came over and started moaning to me about my DS.

I was heavily pregnant and tired. So I told him "I don't care"

He didn't bother me again.

AlansLeftMoob · 06/09/2019 18:23

This happened to me in the library the other day, a little girl peeped round the corner and said "hello" and followed me and my DC around the kids section talking to them. When I was leaving she came with us to the front desk. I said it to a staff member and they pointed to the adults section and said her mother was in there and one of them took her hand and walked over to find her mother. That desk is not always manned and that little girl was with me for a good 10 minutes - she was no more than three - I could have been ANYONE.

My mother worked in a Tesco for a few years and said that people would often leave their kids in front of the TVs or over at those giant plastic ride-on cars and go and do their shopping, so much so that the staff took to calling that section "the creche". People are shocking.

Someonetookmyusername · 06/09/2019 18:29

My kid 'harasses' other families. I'm in view though I can't always play with a baby to tend to as well. I think it's lovely how outgoing he is and would hate to quash that (not that I could). Unfriendly parents piss me off tbh.

Original poster
MustardScreams · 06/09/2019 18:30

So I should stay at home FOREVER because some other parents can’t be fucked to look after their kids.

Really, do people actually think before they type?! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
MustardScreams · 06/09/2019 18:32

@Someonetookmyusername but it’s not other parent’s responsibility to play with your child. I get that it’s hard when you have a baby, but it’s not unfriendly to not want to entertain your children.

OP posts:
DecomposingComposers · 06/09/2019 18:32

My kid 'harasses' other families. I'm in view though I can't always play with a baby to tend to as well.

Oh right. So you can't manage 2 children but it's ok for some random stranger to have to manage your child as well as their own? Wow

vanillaicedtea · 06/09/2019 18:35

@Someonetookmyusername

Unfriendly parents might piss you off but parents who do what you do piss me off. The fact you can literally see your kid being a bother to other families and think it's okay because you can't mind two kids is boggling. What about the mum who has a baby and a toddler? So she has to mind 3 kids rather than her own 2? Because you "can't" mind your own kids?

It's a bit selfish, tbh.

EdnaAdaSmith · 06/09/2019 18:40

MustardScreams a 5 year old shouldn't need unceasing parental interaction and most would be fine playing alone or with another child in a cafe play corner if they were bored sitting up at the table. Of course their parent or grandparent or whoever should have been watching, but not playing with them. Most people play with their children at home not in cafes. Why on earth did you let her climb on you though? I understand that you were too tied up in knots to tell her to move away a bit or to tell staff she was unsupervised and bothering you, but why on earth couldn't you even tell a strange to you small child not to climb on you? Do you let your own child do whatever they want to you, or just other people's?

Someonetookmyusername · 06/09/2019 18:41

What the hell do you mean I can't mind my own kids- I meant I can't stop him being friendly.

Jesus christ!

Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/09/2019 18:44

I'm in view though I can't always play with a baby to tend to

This is what you wrote. It's not always friendly. It's annoying.

And I'm not afraid to tell another kids to leave us alone and go back to their mum if I want to play with my kids.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 06/09/2019 18:46

FFS it is common sense. Leaving a DC wander round a coffee shop, talking to people at other tables: not ok. Leaving a DC to play in a play area and interact with people in the play area: ok.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 06/09/2019 18:47

And I'm not afraid to tell another kids to leave us alone and go back to their mum if I want to play with my kids
Absolutely fine as well.

AmIChangingagain · 06/09/2019 18:48

God someonetookmyusername. You sound just the sort of parent that annoys others

You might think it's great your DS is outgoing. You'll be the only one thinking that though

EdnaAdaSmith · 06/09/2019 18:48

That's pretty much it isn't it JustTwoMoreSecs

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 06/09/2019 18:48

Totally get you op mam to 3 my oldest is 11 and been through it with them all around where I live the worst for me is another mother of 3 comes to our local park with her 2 year old who she sits on the bench with her in the prom the entire time they there and leaves the 4 and 5 year old play by themselves it always leads to the older two asking other parents to put them in the swings and asking to push them and do they lace up etc and following other parents around talking to the parents not the kids all the while she’s sat at the bench and kids don’t ask her for a thing unless it’s for the toilet I’ve learnt some things to tell them go ask they mam (such as laces) but a push on a swing I don’t want to seem mean so end up pushing them etc but yes it really gets on my nerves

JassyRadlett · 06/09/2019 18:52

My kid 'harasses' other families. I'm in view though I can't always play with a baby to tend to as well. I think it's lovely how outgoing he is and would hate to quash that (not that I could). Unfriendly parents piss me off tbh.

Whereas my eldest at that age was very shy and absolutely hated it when children he didn’t know inserted themselves with us to play. He wasn’t confident enough to stand up for himself so often got walked over by more confident kids, and would stop talking when they were there. He’s much better now (lots of work by all of us) and happily makes friends in the playground but at age 2-4 kids doing what yours does really stressed him out and affected his enjoyment of things.

So you may think your kid is brilliant and adorable (and tbh I’d have been thrilled if DS1 was more outgoing) but please be aware of his impact on other children.

Someonetookmyusername · 06/09/2019 18:52

I am watching him, supervising. I'm not always playing with him because he's 3 1/2 and sociable, he wants to play with other kids not me. Im there making sure he's gentle etc. People who guard their child like a hawk performance parenting and not letting them interact with other children are doing them a disservice.

Someonetookmyusername · 06/09/2019 18:54

Ok fair enough JassyRadlett but I think its obvious when the child doesn't like it, and I will try and move him along in that case.

JassyRadlett · 06/09/2019 18:57

Ok fair enough JassyRadlett but I think its obvious when the child doesn't like it, and I will try and move him along in that case.

Maybe. Maybe you’d describe me as one of the ‘performance parents’. TBH it wouldn’t have been easy for you to tell as DS1 wouldn’t have made a fuss, and would have just put up with the other child taking the best toys/dictating the game/talking nonstop —to me—. But he wouldn’t be having a good time, and I wasn’t particularly up for using our limited family time together to let other people’s kids spoil his enjoyment in our downtime from work and nursery.

Sandytoesfrecklednose · 06/09/2019 18:58

This drives me bonkers! I must have a naturally smiley face because this happens to us all the time. In cafes, museums, parks, on the bus and the parents are often sat watching their kid latch on to my family. It’s weird. It makes me want to shout, hey you engage with your own kid, but I never would because I’d feel bad. Ha!

Someonetookmyusername · 06/09/2019 18:58

You might think it's great your DS is outgoing. You'll be the only one thinking that though good. My child helps me find out whose parents are pricks before anyone else does.

dustarr73 · 06/09/2019 19:01

So I should stay at home FOREVER because some other parents can’t be fucked to look after their kids.
@MustardScreams finally you are getting it Grin

Who do you think you are,wanting alone time with your own dc.Cheek of some people Grin

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