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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect more consideration because we are not rich

727 replies

Bluebelle1012 · 04/09/2019 11:04

DS 18 got taken to Italy by his friends family. We sent him with some money for food, parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...

However, the town is actually an hours walk down a long hill. Room service ranges anywhere between 40-100 Euro. A Diet Coke is 10.

Breakfast is included, but all other food has to be paid for. DS rang me last night saying he wants to come home because he is ordering extra at breakfast to last as he can not afford lunch or dinner from the hotel. They haven’t been to town yet as the parents have booked activities every day

I have no money to give him as I’m broke! He’s going to town (walking) today when he finally has the free time to buy some pot noodles and stuff for the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?

The mother made a barbed comment about when she went on holiday with friends it was reasonable to pay for yourself as “theyve already done a favour by inviting you.” Normally I’d agree, but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here? I just expected more consideration, even offering a chance to go into town would have done

It’s only a short holiday and he will manage on pot noodles.

AIBU?

OP posts:
CorBlimeyGovenor · 05/09/2019 21:17

If breakfast was provided, then £20 a day for good should have been enough. And if he was hungry, he should have explained to his friend and family that he really needed to excuse himself as he needed to walk into town and buy some cheaper provisions.

Aridane · 05/09/2019 21:28

Please don't feel bad only for your DS, you asked all the relevant questions, gave all the money you could afford, they are CFs

The CFs are the OP and young adult son expecting wining and dining as well as flights, accommodation, breakfast and outings with

Aridane · 05/09/2019 21:29

What research was the OP supposed to do

Type the name of the hotel into Trip Advisor?

Aridane · 05/09/2019 21:30

Sure.y DS would have googled the hotel out of curiosity if nothing else?

rookiemere · 05/09/2019 21:36

What good would googling the hotel have done ?

DS wasn't expecting to eat there so prices were irrelevant and the distance to town wouldn't seem that far on a map.

Aridane · 05/09/2019 21:40

Actually makes me upset thinking of an 18 year old lad trying to find the cheapest things on the menu to eat

He’s not doing that though, is he? He’s ordering the steak

OK that didn't make me spit my tea over the keyboard / wake the baby / startle the cat but 😂

Ghostpost · 05/09/2019 21:43

I’m only reading the first page. Teach your children to live within their means. Why the hell are you letting him go on a holiday with rich people when you can’t afford it? Poor kid.

Justkeeprollingalong · 05/09/2019 21:47

@Amazonita how does being a Tory voter come into this? 🤔

Ghostpost · 05/09/2019 21:48

And he feels shit for it being rubbed in his face that he’s poor and can’t afford things. So much so he wants to come home. Fuck. I would never put my child through something like that. YOU were the experienced adult. YOU should’ve known that he’d be expected to pay his way and that the parents shouldn’t be expected to pay for everything. This will be an eye opener for your son and I hope he recovers from him. How fricking embarrassing. Honestly feel so sorry for him.

Aridane · 05/09/2019 21:50

What good would googling the hotel have done ?

Putting the name of the hotel into Trip Advisor not merely give you a sense of the hotel but what it's near to, activities in the area, whether supermarkets / bars etc are nearby, transport, general costs etc

Aridane · 05/09/2019 21:51

(I have never know someone stay at a hotel and not look it up on Trip Advisor!)

AccioCats · 05/09/2019 21:59

Please link to the hotel website OP, I want to see the €45 sandwiches

CherryPavlova · 05/09/2019 22:16

I’d missed the suggested price of food earlier when I felt sorry for him. Is he stringing you a line, perhaps?
The Burj in Dubai is considered a reasonably expensive hotel but you can still pick up a meal for about £30 - salad and chips or pizza type thing for lunch.

Aridane · 05/09/2019 22:22

Accio - maybe it's this Mitchlin star rated one ?

most-expensive.com/sandwich-world

BadLad · 05/09/2019 22:30

Laughing at the comments on this thread....

Walk for an hour? That's MILES. My local town centre is 2 miles away and it takes me about 15 mins at a brisk walk, so you're telling him to walk approx. 8 miles for lunch? Don't be ridiculous!

Right, so your walking pace is, at one mile every 7 minutes 30 seconds, well over half the pace of the women's record for running the mile (4:12), and you think that is the pace people have in mind when they refer to "an hour's walk".

Probably best not to talk out of your arse if you're going to throw barbs like "don't be ridiculous" around.

MrsRufusdog789 · 05/09/2019 22:32

They had their own probably selfish reasons for inviting your son . Was it to keep one of their offspring company?
They also misrepresented the catering arrangements. As they seem to be calling all the shots they should be making every effort to make sure your son is well fed and happy . You sent him with £ 20 per day which is plenty for a bar meal if necessary and to maybe buy this dreadful family the occasional ice cream .
Years ago we took a friend of our daughter on holiday and she had some spending money for her own use but she was treated as one of the and we paid for everything including entrance to Disneyland in Florida . Because we invited her that’s why .
I think the mother of the so called host family sounds obnoxious.

AccioCats · 05/09/2019 22:46

Ariadne Grin

mumoid · 05/09/2019 22:48

Haven’t read the complete thread but surely disingenuous of parents to invite much less well off friend of child then create a situation. Mean mean mean and cruel to the friend

Stonerosie67 · 05/09/2019 22:52

Doesn't take much to amuse you, does it Ariadne? Confused

3luckystars · 05/09/2019 22:53

€120 wasnt even enough if the family paid for all the food all week.

€120 was enough to cover a thank you meal for the family in Italy.

Im just wondering, had he travel insurance?

Aridane · 05/09/2019 22:54

Come on, Daily Mail - pick up this thread and let's watch the Comments section turn on the complaining freeloaders !!

And of they can get past lazy journalism, , maybe one of their finest can track down The Mysterious 45 Euro Deluxe Sandwich

Aridane · 05/09/2019 22:56

Im just wondering, had he travel insurance?

Nah - well maybe only if the friend's family paid for it

SummerBreezemakesmefeelfine · 05/09/2019 23:00

We have taken friends of our younger teenagers on holiday in the past and paid for the holiday. We discussed whether or not parents could afford to help beforehand and stayed either all inclusive or self catering. If self catering, we made sure there was enough food for all of the kids to help themselves when hungry and prepared family meals which they were all included in.

OP your DS is 18 and should have found this stuff out for himself, not assumed that the parents were paying for everything. If this well to do family are expecting your son to cater for himself, then he needs to get into town and buy a load of suitable food and snacks. He needs enough to last for the rest of the holiday and will not starve.

It will be a lesson in life for him not to hobnob with the rich, they sound awful. I think taking other people's kids on holiday also means feeding them. They don't and there is not much you can do about it.

It must be embarrassing for him, but he need not starve.

LimitIsUp · 05/09/2019 23:13

You don't set your sights very high if you think that the Daily Mail readership are the arbiters of good sense and morality

PolarBearkshire · 06/09/2019 05:49

No. Other people dont have to pity or think about your financial status. You shouldnt let him go if your finances are so grim. You could have looked up in google how far is the town from the hotel etc. When I used to travel around Europe all by myself I did work in remote places and people are so friendly - if your son asks a receptionist they mught give him a lift to town in a morning to help him to get some food from a market or supermarket. Italians are uber friendly. Same can happen in the evening, is your son disabled? Why the issue to have a walk? I have hiked miles and miles on very steep terrain for pleasure nevermind if there is a need. Also if you gave him money only for pot noodles... should not let him go. Should probably let him stay and work and learn to earn money so one day he could afford to buy himself food.
Also... its not about being poor and others pitying you. Its about being resourseful and finding solutions - inspire your son and dont teach him to expect that some rich family will cover his food expenses now on a top of it sounds like a very nice holiday. One two trips to town can get him stocked up on tinned food and crackers etc . Food costs much less in Italian supermarkets than here.

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