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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect more consideration because we are not rich

727 replies

Bluebelle1012 · 04/09/2019 11:04

DS 18 got taken to Italy by his friends family. We sent him with some money for food, parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...

However, the town is actually an hours walk down a long hill. Room service ranges anywhere between 40-100 Euro. A Diet Coke is 10.

Breakfast is included, but all other food has to be paid for. DS rang me last night saying he wants to come home because he is ordering extra at breakfast to last as he can not afford lunch or dinner from the hotel. They haven’t been to town yet as the parents have booked activities every day

I have no money to give him as I’m broke! He’s going to town (walking) today when he finally has the free time to buy some pot noodles and stuff for the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?

The mother made a barbed comment about when she went on holiday with friends it was reasonable to pay for yourself as “theyve already done a favour by inviting you.” Normally I’d agree, but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here? I just expected more consideration, even offering a chance to go into town would have done

It’s only a short holiday and he will manage on pot noodles.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Vivianebrookskoviak · 05/09/2019 19:53

You were told wrong by the parents. YANBU.
I'd be expecting the parents to be providing food for him at their own expense since they told you wrong.
To have put your son in that position whilst I assume they eat food from the hotel is really unfair and utterly selfish.

AccioCats · 05/09/2019 19:53

To all the pearl clutchers who are horrified because if they invited someone on holiday they’d pay for everything... what is it not acceptable to invite an 18 year old along while making it clear that flights, hotel and activities are all included but they are expected to pay for their own drinks and meals?

I can see nothing wrong with that. It was made clear and the ds had the option to decline if he wasn’t happy to come on those terms

End of the day it matters not a jot what various posters would do/ not do. The situation Was clear before the holiday. The OP seriously misjudged it by letting him feel she was responsible for providing his food and drink money (I mean wtf? Most 18 yr olds would be expected to fund that themselves ) and secondly she then gave an inadequate amount anyway. The situation was spelled out, and I still can’t see why an 18 yr old can’t walk an hour anyway

FontSnob · 05/09/2019 19:54

How is this 22 pages in and people are still making identical comments to those on page 4!

AccioCats · 05/09/2019 19:55

What = why?

FelicisNox · 05/09/2019 20:01

Laughing at the comments on this thread....

Walk for an hour? That's MILES. My local town centre is 2 miles away and it takes me about 15 mins at a brisk walk, so you're telling him to walk approx. 8 miles for lunch? Don't be ridiculous!

He's 18 and should be paying his own way: if he has left education and has a job, yes. But OP says he is saving for UNI so no... contributing a bit maybe but not paying for the whole thing.

@Bluebelle1012 it's not your fault and I understand you listened to what you were told: hindsight is a wonderful thing. You should have asked for all the details and a quick Google search would have given you a clearer idea of what to expect.
Italy is notoriously expensive and anywhere that uses the euro will not be a cheap trip.

Unfortunately it is still not their job to feed him but if they are that wealthy I'm surprised at their reticence considering THEIR error.

swingofthings · 05/09/2019 20:09

So he chose to order a £70 steak and again for another meal. Now he's been a but more assertive, explained his situation and all is fine. He could have done this from the start and the situation wouldn't have arisen in the first place.

Glad that he's sorted it out though. As said, lesson learnt.

Aridane · 05/09/2019 20:12

Sorry. This young man has a car, job, savings and a town an hours walk away. And yet the family who generously invited him and paid for flights, accommodation, breakfast and outing, the mother is a 'cunt' and the young man needs to ditch the 'friend' who is a shit?

AccioCats · 05/09/2019 20:16

Felicis Nox - you’d struggle to walk for an hour? Blimey. Unless the son has some disability so far unmentioned, an hour is nothing. Especially as he doesn’t need to do it more than once or twice if he stocks up. And can dig into a bit of his savings for a taxi if an hour’s walking is really beyond him

funnylittlefloozie · 05/09/2019 20:16

I think these "friends" sound appalling. If someone is hungry, you bloody feed them, esp if they are your guest, or even if theyre not. Thats just human decency.

Aridane · 05/09/2019 20:22

If you invite a child or non earning person you pay for them. End of

Except this young man has a job and savings!

hopelesschildren · 05/09/2019 20:23

(I read it as 1 hour to the town, so another hour back uphill)

Monestasi · 05/09/2019 20:24

10 euros for a bottle of water.
70 euros for a steak.
45 euros for a sandwich.

I really doubt this to be true.

Rebecca563 · 05/09/2019 20:26

Sorry OP £10 per meal to include drinks is no where near enough. We have that to my DD for a week in London and breakfast evening meals was included. He’s 18, he ca go to town on his own - or could’ve taken 12 pot noodles in his suitcase??

If he really couldn’t cover food and drink for a week even by adding his own money then should’ve declined the invite as much a shame as it would’ve been.

gill1960 · 05/09/2019 20:28

She's a bitch using money to bully your son.

You and your son are wonderful and practical and sensible and he is really thoughtful and caring keeping you informed and asking for advice.

Pot noodle heaven ... rock on ...

And dump her as soon as your wonderful son comes home safe ...

Aridane · 05/09/2019 20:31

I have never heard of such tight fisted inhospitable people

Evil shits, aren't they, paying for the young man to go on holiday, flights, accommodation, breakfast and outings? Shits, I say, utter shits 😂

angelfacecuti75 · 05/09/2019 20:31

Hello has he got grandparents / dad/aunties that could lend him a bit ?! Or cpuld u speak to the family and say if they fund him some cgeap meals if they give u their paypal etc you'll guve them £20 pcm until the "debt" is paid off. Or tell ds to use sacings and you'll pay it back gradually.

Damsel · 05/09/2019 20:31

Having invited a friend of our DD on holiday in the past & vice versa, the reason was to keep our DD (17) company making it easier for us. Happy teen, happy family! Same when she was invited.

I don’t understand comments from people that the family was doing your DS a massive favour by inviting him. Clearly it was to keep their DS company so their DS would enjoy holiday better. Some posters are implying your son should be doffing his cap in gratitude!

When we have invited our kids’ friends on holiday, it is on the understanding that we are the hosts.

Italy is actually notoriously cheap for the most part, apart obviously from expensive hotels/resorts. To eat out in most local towns & villages costs a fraction of the UK so I would have thought a budget of £20 per day was reasonable.

Hope he has a nice time overall.

ainsisoisje · 05/09/2019 20:36

Just come back from Italy from a two week holiday. 20 pounds a day is woefully low sorry OP. We are a tight family and burnt through money despite being careful and even skipping the odd meal. I’d say you need 25-30 euros just for dinner

Amazonita · 05/09/2019 20:39

So posters on here would leave a young guest they had invited on holiday to eat pot noodles on his own while they dined in fancy restaurants, because he's not as well off as them?

Spot the Tory voter or what.

wingsanddreams · 05/09/2019 20:46

If he can't afford he should let his friend/host know, or pay from his own pocket, or walk to the town, and learn a life lesson. There's no free lunch in the world. Nobody should pay for anything for you. The host family is already nice enough paying the rest of the holiday, they are not obliged to pay for food. He could have ordered a normal pasta from the menu, which should be available in any Italian restaurant, it's much more filling and less expensive than a stake.

Eatdrinkbemerry · 05/09/2019 20:55

I’m a little torn on this. A couple of things:
I would do my own research regardless of what friends said. Nowadays trip advisor is brilliant in telling you how far places are and costs etc.

Having said that personally if I had offered my DDs friend to join us on a holiday I would take them into account the same way as my child. If I can’t do that I wouldn’t offer.

I do feel for your DS as even at 18 he must feel awkward.

kryztinababy · 05/09/2019 21:01

@Amazonita he's an adult, not a child

OVienna · 05/09/2019 21:05

Spot the 'Tory voters' WTAF.
Such total bullshit.

Lack of common sense and tightness of wallet is party apolitical.

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 05/09/2019 21:06

Hmm. I have never eaten in such an expensive restaurant - and we were in Venice and Como this Easter and ate out every day. Italy is not that expensive. Perfectly possible to have pizza/pasta/risotto for about 18 euros.

Did your ds know just how much the hotel restaurant was before he went? He could have googled it.

And if i’d Asked a friend of the dc to go on holiday and the dc were going to make their own arrangements, i’d Make sure the hotel was in a town where the dc could wander off and buy their own food from cheaper cafes or supermarkets.

A five star hotel doesn’t seem an ideal place to take friend of dc, to be honest. Think your dc’s friend’s parents have made a mistake here.

Your ds may be 18 but I’d be mortified at the prices and asking him to pay them

Life lessons, eh?

threatmatrix · 05/09/2019 21:08

To be honest if I invite my teens friend I would also take him to dinner a few times and wouldn’t expect him to pay. I feel they are mean.