To expect more consideration because we are not rich

[Bluebelle1012]

DS 18 got taken to Italy by his friends family. We sent him with some money for food, parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...

However, the town is actually an hours walk down a long hill. Room service ranges anywhere between 40-100 Euro. A Diet Coke is 10.

Breakfast is included, but all other food has to be paid for. DS rang me last night saying he wants to come home because he is ordering extra at breakfast to last as he can not afford lunch or dinner from the hotel. They haven’t been to town yet as the parents have booked activities every day

I have no money to give him as I’m broke! He’s going to town (walking) today when he finally has the free time to buy some pot noodles and stuff for the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?

The mother made a barbed comment about when she went on holiday with friends it was reasonable to pay for yourself as “theyve already done a favour by inviting you.” Normally I’d agree, but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here? I just expected more consideration, even offering a chance to go into town would have done

It’s only a short holiday and he will manage on pot noodles.

AIBU?

I don’t think 120 quid is enough however he is 18 years old so technically an adult . They are being shitty really I feel , if he has said I can’t afford the food and the wealthy family don’t offer that’s crap to be honest , is there no way you can get some money to him ?

I don't think anybody is exactly unreasonable in this situation but there's a lot of poor communication and misunderstanding.

I imagine that if someone is well off their idea of 'cheap' is completely different to the idea if cheap if you are really hard up.

I am curious as to whether your DS has his own money, dies he have a job? I would really expect a young person of 18 to be paying their own way to a certain extent.

I also wonder whether DS and his friend were on the same page as to what they planned to do with this holiday. Surely if you have an 18 year old DS and invite his friend along, the expectation is that the two boys would do their own thing for a good part of the holiday?

We have DS GF coming with us on our upcoming holiday. We invited her along after we'd booked it as we've got a large apartment. We explained she would need to book her own flight. There will be some food from the supermarket in the apartment and we'll all eat out a couple of times during the week together, for which we will pay but DS understands that he and his GF will need to sort themselves out the rest of the time. If it was just DS I expect we'd pay for everything but we can't afford to fund his GF for the whole week too. We will be treating DS and GF the same.

I am half feeling sorry for OP's DS as this holiday can't be much fun for him., but I do think he needs to take some responsibility and use some of his savings, and then replace by getting PT job at uni.

You didn’t give him enough money BUT when I have taken kids friends away we have always paid for their food. I wouldn’t dream of asking them to pay for their own

Gosh this is so sad. I have taken DCs partners away on holidays a number of times and friends previously and I would NEvER invite them unless I was prepared to stump up the full cost.

If they are up for it they usually pay for the flight only or lift pass if driving and we pay for the accommodation and all food. A round of drinks contribution is nice from the partner bu t absolutely seen as a gesture and not expected.

Should have been discussed in detail prior to trip.

He can afford that, but not a €50 sandwich

I may have missed it - but a 50 euro sandwich? Really?

I think it's perfectly possible to not understand how expensive Italy is if you haven't been there on summer holiday.

Really crass behaviour on the part of the host parents. You really should bring a child into the family fold if you're bringing them on holiday.

I feel for you on this one. They should have made arrangements quite clear and indicated what they expected. Definitely a lack of consideration on their part. When we have invited cousins, friends etc. it has been understood they wouldn't be out of pocket for food/drink. However, this hasn't always been reciprocated or appreciated, and we were caught out when younger and not as well off. I suggest you and DS put it down to experience and remember that an invite isn't always what it seems.

A 50 Euro sandwich?? I would actually prefer to walk for five hours than pay that much for bread and a filling.

I’ve been lucky enough to have stayed at some really nice hotels around the world and I’ve never seen those kinds of prices. That’s outrageous.

Hopefully your DS is managing to have a good time in spite of this @Bluebelle1012

Ah @Bluebelle1012 I've actually read a lot more of your updates now and I think the real issue is that your DS was probably expecting him and his friend to do a lot of stuff away from the friends family , which, let's face it, most 18 year olds would chose to do! But the friend has decided that instead of being independent and eating in a cheap pizzeria with his mate, he'd rather let his parents pay for him at a top class restaurant. I think there's more miscommunication between the teenagers than the adults.

Your son has been invited on this holiday purely to do the family a service by entertaining or being a companion to their son, so that he doesn't complain about being bored. In this respect they are using him

W.T.A.F!

I don’t think you are being unreasonable OP. If I were the host, I’d be paying for his dinner. I’d be embarrassed that I’d misinformed you and he was no in the difficult position.

I can’t really answer all questions as there are so many, but:

DS ordered a €70 steak and another similarly priced meal as each time he hadn’t eaten in a while and I’m guessing would rather have an actual meal than a sandwich!

He paid for his own food on these occasions.

The rest of the holiday since, he has used his own money, but since then the son of the other parents has wanted to go out so they have walked down to town each night and it’s been cheaper. I still don’t know why his friend insisted on staying in each night. He has also apparently purchased baguettes, butter and fruit (that impressed me! ) although he did mess up this morning because he asked the waiter for water and didn’t specify tap water so paid €10 for Evian.

DS also said he paid for his friends lunch last night, albeit in a cheap restaurant, but still a nice gesture.

The family wanted to go for lunch today, again in expensive restaurant, so DS said he wanted to go to town and his friend ended up joining him.

I’ve lent him no money.

Love how 18 year olds are fully functioning adults expected to pay board on other threads but here hhe is to be looked after by a another family as if a small child

Wait, he's 18. An adult. He needs to realise that if he wants a holiday then he needs to stump up some money himself. He can't expect the family to pay for the holiday and mum to give him all his spending money because he doesn't want to touch his own money.

At 18, I was taken on holiday by my friends parents. I made sure I saved up enough to pay my own way plus had enough money to buy her mum and dad a nice present at the end of the holiday to say thank you. He sounds like he wants everything just given to him. I think he needs to learn some reality. Either stump up some of his own money to put towards his holiday or go without. That's life.

I can't believe some of these responses. They have paid for his flights, not expected a contribution for accommodation, he has had that free, inc breakfast every day, he has not had to contribute to activities, again going along for free, the only thing he was expected to contribute was his other meals and drinks, and the op is saying they should have paid for those too and some folks are agreeing? That's just so grabby

EXACTLY!

Sorry - but £20 a day is ice cream, Coca Cola and cake money

But why did he order a steak etc twice for €70 OP?? Either he’s broke or he’s not. You can’t have it both ways. Surely there was something cheaper than that as an “actual meal” in this restaurant. This is ridiculous. What planet is he on?

Thanks for the update OP.

It sounds like things are working out ok, although I felt annoyed on his behalf at the 10Euro water. I hate restaurants and hotels that never miss the opportunity to be grabby, and thankfully I've never stayed in a hotel where water was 10 euros.

Good grief YANBU. If family said there are plenty of shops and bars nearby I would be imagining lots of cheap options for food. Chips pizza standard grocery stuff too bread ham crisps fruit etc within an easy 10 15 mins stroll.
If that had been the case I think the cash would have stretched fine especially with breakfast provided. However a good hour each way However fit the lad is is not what they implied.
If I was the hosting parents I would understand the guests need to not overspend as per the chat with you! and at least facilitate a shopping visit to make sure he had plenty to put in his room. It’s not about asking for handouts it’s just being kind and ensuring he can enjoy the holiday but on a lower food budget! It’s not a big deal. Lesson learnt to google map everything! Anyway sounds like he’s having more luck now going into town.

What kind of arseholes would expect a young person, who they know doesn't have a full time job and doesn't come from a wealthy background, to be able to pay for meals every day in a restaurant that serves sandwiches for $45! Then make comments that they aren't eating. He could hardly sit there without ordering anything or stay in the room going hungry while they all ate.

The mother sounds like a cunt. I would tell your DS not to accept any future family invitations from them. They are shit hosts. The son doesn't sound much better if he knew your DS didn't have much money and let his parents pick expensive restaurants to eat in without attempting to find something cheaper with him.

I'd tell DS to find new friends at Uni.

You shouldn't have agreed to let him go, sorry.

He doesn't want to spend his savings because he knows he will need them at university and his DM is not in a position to help out. That's very prudent of him.

Then think twice about whether it's practical to go on a holiday to Italy with much wealthier friends who expect you to pay for your food when you're out there.

I'm trying to imagine what kind of people would invite their children's friends on holiday and not expect to feed them while they're away. Surely any such invitation should involve food?

I'm trying to imagine what type of an adult / their parent would accept an invite on holiday with flights, accommodation, breakfast and all outings paid for by someone else, most generously, and not take money to cover their meals (when that had been agreed) and instead only bring pocket money. And expect further freebies!

I’m confused.
What’s actually happening here? The family are all sitting in separate rooms ordering room service every night and your son isn’t eating because he can’t afford to?
So they haven’t ventured out at all?

Obviously nothing to be done now but when I was 18 if I wanted to go on holiday with friends I would have been expected to save up for it myself from my part time job.

I do think the family have been misleading in how close the town is etc but it sounds like it’s more an issue that your son’s friend doesn’t want to go into town, rather than the family being mean.

Having said that if I took someone away with us I wouldn’t expect to be ordering room service while they sat hungry.
It’s a very weird situation tbh.

If you told the parents you could only afford to give your son £120 and they said "come anyway" then YANBU

A €45 sandwich sounds a bit off even with how wank the pound is. Have you checked that?