To expect more consideration because we are not rich

[Bluebelle1012]

DS 18 got taken to Italy by his friends family. We sent him with some money for food, parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...

However, the town is actually an hours walk down a long hill. Room service ranges anywhere between 40-100 Euro. A Diet Coke is 10.

Breakfast is included, but all other food has to be paid for. DS rang me last night saying he wants to come home because he is ordering extra at breakfast to last as he can not afford lunch or dinner from the hotel. They haven’t been to town yet as the parents have booked activities every day

I have no money to give him as I’m broke! He’s going to town (walking) today when he finally has the free time to buy some pot noodles and stuff for the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?

The mother made a barbed comment about when she went on holiday with friends it was reasonable to pay for yourself as “theyve already done a favour by inviting you.” Normally I’d agree, but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here? I just expected more consideration, even offering a chance to go into town would have done

It’s only a short holiday and he will manage on pot noodles.

AIBU?

What swingofthings said.

DieBaby I would never pay £5 for a pint here.

I don't see why people are blaming the OP for not knowing what the costs were likely to be. She was misinformed by the host, her DS is an hour away from the "cheap shops" and is having to eat in more expensive places.

It's such poor form to invite someone on holiday them leave them in this position. He's entirely at their mercy, no access to funds and no way to come home. How miserable for him.

If I were taking my child’s friend on holiday I’d expect to pay for all meals. Maybe the invitee would take some spending money for an ice cream here or there but ultimately I’d be covering meals. Maybe it’s different as my child is young but I can’t imagine my opinion would change if she were older. Especially if I knew the child came a family less wealthy than mine.

It's nowhere near £5 a pint in Spain, unless you go somewhere like Marbella, Puerto Banus or the posh bits of the Balerics.

It's more like 3-4 euro in average local or tourist places or a couple of euros for a smaller glass in places like Granada but you get free tapas so don't need to buy any food. And probably even cheaper in the Canaries. Wine also much cheaper than UK pubs.

I don't really get this. I agree he could have done with a bit more money but I think £50 a day would have been excessive. Is part of the problem that the £ has fallen so drastically? Either way, if I had invited the lad to come on holiday, there is no way that I would be eating well and watching him eat Pot Noodles. It sounds as if they were already aware money might be tight as they said there would be cheap shops close by. Since there aren't, I would have expected them to have at least organised a shopping expedition. Don't be embarrassed OP .

I’m sorry, cheap bars or not, £120 for six days is barely enough to feed yourself 3 meals and drinks in this country, let alone abroad in a touristy area. Sounds like you should have done your own research more thoroughly before sending him or not sent him at all.

Surely this is how the conversation would go in the normal world -

Mum 1 - Hi mum 2. DS and I were wondering if your DS would like to come to Italy with us? It’s a 5 star hotel and we’re going for a week on a bed and breakfast basis?”

Mum 2 - “That’s very kind if you, but of course, I would insist on paying for him to join you. How much are the flights and accommodation, etc?”

Then there might ensue a to-and-fro in which Mum 2 insists on paying for the flight and a contribution towards accommodation etc, while Mum 1 declines. In the end Mum 2 wouid send the son with an amount of cash or access to funds that exceeds what he’s likely to need, regsrdless of what Mum 1 says. She wouid also tell the son to pay his way and insist on buying them drinks or dinner wherever possible to compensate for the fact they would be let him pay for his flight or accommodation.

Otherwise, Mum 2 should decline. Simple.

What is not normal is what seems to have happened here -

Mum 1 - “Would your DS like to join us in holiday?

Mum 2 - “Yes.”

Aqua00 is that normal? To make some faux offer to pay when you knew you never could? I think you have really twisted the situation. In my world that’s not normal. If a family invites another child they pay and if they need a contribution for food they ask for it in advance (and then pick up bills in the hotel). Otherwise it is very unfair for people who can’t afford it.

So breakfast included but then the family eat in nice cafes and restaurants and he’s expected to walk to the shops for pot noodles and eat alone?
What a weird set-up.
£20 a day is not enough for 2 meals plus drinks but If they paid for hotel and flights what do they do when they go out to eat in the evenings? Do they go without him? The whole thing is just odd imo.
I think both sides needed to get more clarification - ie if you’d said, he’s got £120 - will it be enough or if they’d said, we will only pay for breakfast but there doesn’t seem to have been enough discussion.
I would text the parents and say, it’s not as cheap as he’d expected, he has no money and is hungry, can they please give him £100 and you’ll pay it back as soon as you can.
If he were with me I’d just pay for him.

I'm really surprised by the responses I've seen here (admit I haven't RTFT).

An 18 year old might well pay for their own holiday, but only if it's one with their mates surely? If OP's son's friend is having his meals paid for by his parents then I think it's pretty rude to invite his friend on a pay your own way basis in the first place, and unconscionable not to sub him once they knew he was struggling. Fine to expect him to fund his own bar drinks, but ordinary meals????

120 pounds would be enough for food if they had supermarkets and restaurants nearby. You can buy a pizza for 3 euros in some places in Italy. Thus hotel prices are absurd. YANBU

YABU - they gave him a free holiday, they shouldnt have to sub his food because he is too idle to walk to get it.

Sorry but you don't invite a teenager on holiday and expect them to pay for all food. It's awful to think of this poor lad walking all over to buy pot noodles and the like, while these very well off parents just look on, presumably feeding their own son, but not his friend. Ppl saying rubbish like he could be on holiday alone with mates is ridiculous because he's not, he's with supposedly caring adults. Also, I think he's responsible to have saved for uni and understand that he doesn't want to use that money in Italy. How is an 18 year old, who isn't earning supposed to fund holiday food himself? Frankly, the parents of the friend should feel embarrassed that they are looking on watching a child scrabble to buy food for himself when he's in their care, not the op.

there is no way that I would be eating well and watching him eat Pot Noodles
But he doesn't have to eat pit noodles does he? He just doesn't want to spend any of his money but expect people who are not even related to him to pay yet more than what they've already very kindly paid. Why? Because going by OP title, he probably think he is entitled to it because he is poor and his friends parents are rich.

Thank god my kids never have such entitled friends because I don't know if I could cope a whole week with anyone like that.

We all know £120 isn’t anywhere near enough. But by the same token if I’d have invited my son’s friend along I’d ensure he had meals and soft drinks

Poly - no it wouid not be a faux offer. If you couldn’t afford to pay you would state that and decline.

He needs to work out how much the rest of the week is going to cost HIM.

then he needs to look at the cost at a flight/train home (i think the EU has given free interrail passes to 18 year olds).

Work out the pros and cons of both as he's an adult - he's always able to get a student overdraft like 95% rest of students.

'He doesn't want to spend his savings' - neither did you on your MOT but that's life of an adult.

BTW, you can eat cheaply in Italy - they've got Lidls and you can pick up a sandwich for a few euros and a box of white 'wine' for 4 euros. He could also buy a loaf of bread and some nutella/peanut butter to have for lunch everyday as i'm guessing that's what you was budgeting for him to eat? Around 3 euros to spend on bottles of water during the day, maybe 5 euros for a sandwich for lunch from a corner shop, 6 euros for a slice of cheese pizza then 6 euros to get a pint/spending money.

Not much fun for his mate who probably wants to experience bars/pubs/going out but your son wants to do it cheaply as possible that's what he's got to do.

If I was offering a child to come away with me i'd pay. If I had kindly offered an 18-year-old flights/accommodation as I thought it would be nice for my also 18 year old i'd completely leave them to it. If the 18-year-old friend had been robbed/mugged/mitigating circumstances before the trip i'd make sure he was fed however if at any point he said he wasn't paying as I wanted to keep his savings i'd point him and his savings down to the local supermarket.

And even if any of my DC had friends who absolutely insisted on taking them on holiday and paying for the whole thing and somehow managed to give me the money I sent or transferred to them back, I would reciprocate ASAP by taking their DC on another holiday or similar.

There is no way I’d send a child or teen away and be worried that someone else would have to subsidise them once they got there. I have never encountered such behaviour in my life. Just don’t go!

We've had our kids' friends join us on holiday before, we pay for them when they're out with us and should they venture out on their own i.e. teenagers, then I'd expect them to economise and pay their own way.

I don't think the parents have been terribly sensitive. It's pretty obvious when someone has considerably less money than you. I don't understand how they could have missed this, even if the OP didn't quite get it.

Sorry OP.

“I don't understand how they could have missed this,”

Well apparently, he ordered a steak for €70 and sat back and let them pay.,

Frankly, the parents of the friend should feel embarrassed that they are looking on watching a child scrabble to buy food for himself when he's in their care, not the op

Oh ok, so the op sent him away with twenty quid a day, knows he's scrabbling to feed himself and wanting to live off pot noodles, and she should not be remotely embarrassed, they should be, and feed him.

You know you can transfer cash in seconds right?

OMG that’s awful! What a load of selfish tight arses! Your poor son!
When my daughter was about 18 we took her best friend a boy from school, with us to America.
His mum was a single parent and phoned to clarify the situation before hand.
We assured her that her boy was coming as a guest and wouid be like member of our family.
We had a villa and I explained we’d pay his flights, and he’d eat with us either in the villa or if we ate out and he wouldn’t be expected to pay for himself or contribute in any way financially.
We even gave him some pocket money along with our own daughters.
I’d never invite a friend if I wasn’t prepared to treat them as I wouid my own.
Such poor show on the part of that family !!

Please RTFT people. The OP has offered to borrow money from her sister, he has declined. He is trying not to incur costs for anyone else. Nor is he expecting the host family to pay for him.

He doesn't want to spend his savings because he knows he will need them at university and his DM is not in a position to help out. That's very prudent of him.

Oh, and the 70 euro steak, the OP didn't say it was his, maybe he just took a photo to show her what he was up against.

He sounds like a considerate guest. His hosts, less so.