Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To expect more consideration because we are not rich

727 replies

Bluebelle1012 · 04/09/2019 11:04

DS 18 got taken to Italy by his friends family. We sent him with some money for food, parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...

However, the town is actually an hours walk down a long hill. Room service ranges anywhere between 40-100 Euro. A Diet Coke is 10.

Breakfast is included, but all other food has to be paid for. DS rang me last night saying he wants to come home because he is ordering extra at breakfast to last as he can not afford lunch or dinner from the hotel. They haven’t been to town yet as the parents have booked activities every day

I have no money to give him as I’m broke! He’s going to town (walking) today when he finally has the free time to buy some pot noodles and stuff for the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?

The mother made a barbed comment about when she went on holiday with friends it was reasonable to pay for yourself as “theyve already done a favour by inviting you.” Normally I’d agree, but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here? I just expected more consideration, even offering a chance to go into town would have done

It’s only a short holiday and he will manage on pot noodles.

AIBU?

OP posts:
C305 · 05/09/2019 14:41

I also think there are some gross exaggerations going on here, €45 for a sandwich?! Even in the most expensive, touristy places like Venice etc. & even 5* hotels in the centre of Rome, a €45 sandwich sandwich is never going to be the only or cheapest option on a menu... I think he's just having a bit of an exaggerated moan to you

bengalcat · 05/09/2019 14:56

I’m struggling with the costs too €70 for a steak - just trying to imagine what kind of sauce / truffles that came with

AryaStarkWolf · 05/09/2019 15:04

You don't know the circumstances so I don't know why your so invested in being right just because you have been to Italy a few times but ok, if it makes you happy I'm sure you're being totally reasonable.

I'm as invested in this thread as anyone else (yourself included) which is not that much but OK if it makes you feel better to think I'm somehow more invested than anyone else, drive on Hmm

C305 · 05/09/2019 15:05

Maybe a chateaubriand steak 🧐

swingofthings · 05/09/2019 15:05

From OP first post, it was clear food was discussed since the money was for food and there was discussions about where to get cheap food, so clearly they knew he would want cheaper food. The whole 'I had no choice but to order a £70 steak' is such an obvious lie.

The most likely scenario was that he thought they'd just pay for the hotel meals' bills and he could then spend the £120 on drinks and snacks and maybe they would have until he went for the most expensive thing on the menu.

milveycrohn · 05/09/2019 15:07

Resaturants in Italy are often more expensive than you expect, because they often add a 'cover charge' per person.
We have been ripped off at times, but have learned from this to check thoroughly before sitting down.
I remember rip-off ice-creams being highlighted in the newspaper a few years back, in Rome, I think.
In this situation, there seems to have been a mis-match between communication and / or expectation.
Clearly, the OP's DS will have to spend more than he was expecting to do, and learn from this for future occassions

IfNot · 05/09/2019 15:12

You invite, you feed. Its basic etiquette.
I would never invite a kid on holiday and expect them to pay for all their food! A bit of spending money, or money to go out a couple of times, sure, but not meals! That's just weird.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/09/2019 15:18

You invite, you feed.

The family invited on the condition he pays for his own meals though, he's an adult. If he/his mother weren't happy with that offer, they could have said no, not said yes and then changed their mind while he was over there

swingofthings · 05/09/2019 15:22

You invite, you feed. Its basic etiquette
Not when it's an 18yo and it's their son that most likely asked if he could join in.

Not when it's been made clear he would have to buy his own food before going. He had a choice to say 'thank you very much for the invite but I can't afford it'

If my kids asked if one of their friends could join them, it wouldn't benefit me in any way and yes, I'd expect them to pay for their own food.their not 5yo!

AccioCats · 05/09/2019 15:40

He’s an adult not a kid

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 05/09/2019 16:06

If I took a friend on holiday I would expect to feed them. I would expect them to have spending money for extra drinks and treats but I would regard it as my responsibility to make sure they were adequately fed.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/09/2019 16:33

@Myimaginarycathasfleas but did you not read the part where the holiday parents clearly said, he can come and we'll pay for his flight, accommodation and activities but he must pay for his own food? The son or his mother could have said no thanks but they didn't............

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 05/09/2019 16:46

@AryaStarkWolf I understand that but I'm saying what I would do.

It sounds like the OP underestimated how much would be needed based on the information given by the host. Personally I wouldn't be able to let a guest survive on pot noodles because they had run out of money. I might not be thrilled at the extra cost but I'd suck it up.

pandapickle · 05/09/2019 16:53

@Myimaginarycathasfleas couldn't agree more. I'd be horrified if a guest was eating pot noodles because I hadn't been clear enough what sort of places the family wanted to eat at. I tell my 4 year old - we treat everyone nicely while they are at our house, but if you don't like it we wont have them back again.

If I was taking anyone away under the age of 25 I'd either make sure we were eating at truly affordable places (under £10 a meal) or treat them myself.

Bettyspants · 05/09/2019 17:02

Hmm....Dd at 18 was self sufficient and working , at that time we had very little spare money. There's no way she would have accepted free flights and hotel from a friends family without showing some initiative into investigating costs.....neither would I. I think on this occasion- to avoid hard feeling and your son's embarrassment- you'll have to tell him to dig into uni funds or handle walking and noodles. I suspect the family will end up paying for him. Hard lesson.

OVienna · 05/09/2019 17:36

I think this was a nightmare waiting to happen. I don't even know where to start.

People's idea of 'cheap' varies. Surely the OP is old enough to know this by now, as are the hosts. If I were sending my kid abroad with a family I would certainly make it my business to pin down the costs, IF money is as tight as she says it is. If I were hosting a child on a foreign holiday whose personal circumstances were quite reduced relative to mine, I would also accept I had to plan around this or accept that I might have to help out. 18 is not an 'adult' assuming the DS has only ever lived at home and isn't working/ supporting his costs. Has he ever planned a holiday and had to budget for it? I doubt it.

Honestly, I am amazed at the degree to which so many people seem to be lacking in basic common sense.

It is very generous they've taken the son on holiday even if they didn't appreciate that paying for 'only food' in the resort of their choosing was likely to be an unaffordable to the guest. I do think it was the OP's business to inform herself of this before agreeing/encouraging her son to accept the offer.

OVienna · 05/09/2019 17:37

And as for the uni funds - he doesn't want to spend it on food, does it? But he'll accept the hospitality. Not on. He should be buying a round of drinks at a minimum and learning from this experience.

Fowles94 · 05/09/2019 17:40

I went to Dublin for 3 days/2nights and took £300 for food and drink. I don't know what your son expected. He should have £600 available and bring back what he doesn't spend.

1doctorwhofan · 05/09/2019 17:46

Not being funny but at 18 If I went on holiday I paid for it and my spending money. This is an adult. If he was 16 id say it was different but surley hes got some sort of job. If hes old enough to go abroad alone hes old enough to have money for the week.

amispeakingenglish · 05/09/2019 17:53

I think it's awful that they can't buy him some meals. They must have known when they asked him that you don't have much money. When and if, I have more money I am happy to help my friends. It's not a nice holiday for him with all this stress and embarrassment. What sort of people can sit by and watch a young teenager go hungry?? I think all those that are saying its your fault and you should have given him more money or not let him go are heartless. I bet you feel awful too. I know I would if it were my son.

3luckystars · 05/09/2019 17:54

I really think he should not have gone if he hadn't enough to look after himself and at least treat the family to one meal out as a thank you.

I hope it all works out.

DieBabySharkDie · 05/09/2019 17:58

£120 might not be much for half decent but basic food here, but the kid is on holiday! You should’ve said no to him going. Cheap in italy is not cheap - Italy isn’t cheap. There are no such thing as cheap bars on holiday unless you are in Turkey. Even Croatia is starting to go up due to popularity. Even the “cheap” bars in Spain are still roughly the same cost as over here and we pay about £5 for a pint - why would you think it’s any different there????
Italy is expensive and you should never have agreed unless he was being paid for by them or unless you had the money.
HOWEVER........ in my life, if I have ever been invited on holidays with friends families (my first holiday abroad with my best friend and her family was when I was 8 and I have gone away with many since and have had many friends come away with me and my family) the inviting family paid - I just took extra spending money if we went “out, out” (when I was 16/17 in magaluf) or if I wanted to buy myself a souvenir somewhere.
So you are both being unreasonable to an extent.

peachdribble · 05/09/2019 17:59

Yeah he needs to ask some locals where their favourite supermarket is and stock up!

Stonerosie67 · 05/09/2019 18:00

Well there's no way I would have invited my son's friend on holiday with us and not paid for his food. Pretty bad form, I think.
Actually makes me upset thinking of an 18 year old lad trying to find the cheapest things on the menu to eat...a lot of us know that sinking feeling in your stomach when you're in out of your depth, and he must be feeling dreadful.

LaurieMarlow · 05/09/2019 18:02

Actually makes me upset thinking of an 18 year old lad trying to find the cheapest things on the menu to eat

He’s not doing that though, is he? He’s ordering the steak.