To expect more consideration because we are not rich

[Bluebelle1012]

DS 18 got taken to Italy by his friends family. We sent him with some money for food, parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...

However, the town is actually an hours walk down a long hill. Room service ranges anywhere between 40-100 Euro. A Diet Coke is 10.

Breakfast is included, but all other food has to be paid for. DS rang me last night saying he wants to come home because he is ordering extra at breakfast to last as he can not afford lunch or dinner from the hotel. They haven’t been to town yet as the parents have booked activities every day

I have no money to give him as I’m broke! He’s going to town (walking) today when he finally has the free time to buy some pot noodles and stuff for the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?

The mother made a barbed comment about when she went on holiday with friends it was reasonable to pay for yourself as “theyve already done a favour by inviting you.” Normally I’d agree, but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here? I just expected more consideration, even offering a chance to go into town would have done

It’s only a short holiday and he will manage on pot noodles.

AIBU?

I feel that, like a lot of this, I'd really want some more independent verification of the length of this walk. 'Mum it's an hour's walk' from a teenager can be a surprisingly short distance...

Please can the OP tell us the hotel that they are/were staying at??

Op shouldn’t be expected to give such outing details on a public forum

Well I like to go for a walk around on holiday, and hate being ripped off, but even I'd object to a 2 hour round trip every time I wanted to access some reasonably priced food.

I think the lesson to be learned here is don't take what anyone else says at face value, and do your own research before agreeing to anything.

I wouldn't book a holiday without knowing that there is a good selection of reasonably priced bars and restaurants, serving food that I want to eat within easy walking distance - say 10/20 minutes, plus the location of other amenities like supermarket, beach and anything else I'm interested in.

Have you actually been to Italy?

Many times, spent hours walking around too and didn't die of exhaustion and I'm 40

I would have thought you would have done more research before letting them go - alternatively, at 18, DS could have taken some responsibility for himself and checked
YABU

@AryaStarkWolf Well you should know then that there are plenty of roads which would not be suitable for walking along. Unless you know for certain where the OP's son is staying, you really can't say whether it's reasonable or not.

What research was the OP supposed to do ?

Even if she had checked the hotel menu and room service prices neither she nor her DS expected to be eating there. Fair enough on the first night when tired, but everyone knows that hotel restaurants are generally a rip off, and OP had already asked the hosts if there were affordable restaurants in the town and they had said yes.

It's all very well saying that the DS should suck it up, but I'd be massively annoyed if I was expected to eat in a place with those prices for an entire week and my circumstances aren't as tight as the OPs DS.

Agree that ordering steak was a bad, bad move though and the taking a picture of it to show OP must have raised eyebrows as well.

What research was the OP supposed to do

Exact location of the hotel, walking distance to other amenities, what they are and what prices they charge, distance to beach/lake etc, what there is to do in the area and how much it costs.

10 minutes on google maps and you can have all that and more. You could probably even work out the inside leg measurement of the waiter just coming out of the restaurant opposite the church in the town square should you want to.

@Leapyearlover oh fgs, the OP in her OP states it's an hours walk down a long hill, the emphasis on the distance rather than danger, if it was too dangerous to walk do you think the holidaying couple would allow their own son to walk it like the OP said they were going to do the night she posted?

You don't know the circumstances so I don't know why your so invested in being right just because you have been to Italy a few times but ok, if it makes you happy I'm sure you're being totally reasonable.

I agree with LisaSimpsonbff that "It's like, an hour's walk to the village" is possibly a not unheard of exaggeration by a teenager.

I think where the OP's comments have sort of rubbed people's fur the wrong way is talking about "more consideration" and the "wealthy" tag for the parents. It sounds mealy-mouthed and entitled. Especially with the information sneaked in about her ds owning his own car. Everything's relative but on my reckoning that does not equal poor.

I think the amount was a bit low. I would assume £15 for lunch and £20 for dinner even if in a relatively cheap place.
However it’s also very unkind of the parents of his friend not to try to find a solution even if they weren’t prepared to pay. Perhaps organising a trip to a supermarket to get a few bits at the start.

If all he had was £120 for the week and he didnt want to spend any of his savings he shouldn't have gone on the holiday, if they've payed for him to.go away and for the activities its reasonable to expect him to get some lunch and dinner at 18

Love Italy, have been there many times, including walking in the middle of the day in mid summer when it really is hot. And I’m a lot older than the OPs son!

Honestly all this big drama about it being ‘too much’ or ‘too risky’ ...he’s a young adult, like I said if he’s on the phone to mummy whining that it’s an hour’s walk to the cheaper shops and bars, how the hell will he cope with living independently in London where it’s totally normal to walk miles when you’re a student.

Anyway, he has alternatives. He can walk down and back once, stocking up with food to last him if he chooses. He can dare I say it dig a little into his savings and pay for a taxi back up.

Jesus. It’s Italy not the outback. He’s 18 not 12.

Always love the disparity in what some people think is reasonable to cover (holiday) costs. What one family thinks is "cheap" is a lot of money to others.

Family #1: "£20. That's barely enough for a croissant and orange juice for breakfast in Paris. And of course I wouldn't get out of bed, darling, in my line of work, for anything less than ten times that amount per hour. Of course, nurses and teachers and people earn less than that an hour, but it's not like they're doing anything as skilled as the work I do...."

Family #2: £20 is enough for a week's food shopping. (As it HAS to be, sometimes.) And even abroad, if we've not been doing half-board/all-inclusive, we've found it's often been most cost-effective to pop down to the nearest supermarket for lunches and snacks....Those of you saying £120 isn't enough for a week's food, do you really spend over £480 a month on food?! Wow. I'm guessing you either have very expensive tastes or huge families! And if you consistently spend over £20 per head when you go out (assuming without alcohol), you obviously go to much posher restaurants than we have where I live or have steak every time!!

I've been in both these positions, financially, at different points in my life. I think it's why I find it so amusing, in a dark sort of way. If ever I DID come into money (very unlikely) I'd still be seeking out value for money. Strangely enough when I worked in an environment where I was surrounded by people with massive family and inherited wealth over generations, they were also very careful about what they spent on food and clothes in particular and certainly made sure they got value for money.

Italy has always been notoriously expensive, especially with the state the £ is in right now; when we were looking for places to holiday this year, we could basically afford Greece, some parts of Turkey, or some parts of Spain out of season. (And for what it's worth, it was more expensive to stay in the UK, even allowing for taxi to the airport and cattery fees.) I'm a huge fan of checking numbeo to see what average prices are before we go anywhere.

OP, I hope you've found some kind of compromise for your son. The family sounds delightful.

I love the fact he’s refusing to use his own money to survive and is expecting his skint Mother to bail him out... Let this be a life lesson to him, he’s an adult now after all.

The problem with x and being enough is that in countries you don't know you can get a surprise cost and be screwed!! Paris this year- 14euro for two plain baguettes and an orange juice. There was nowhere about except posh restaurants and couldn't find a shop. Nearly fell through the floor! A taxi journey you didn't think you'd have to take or an unexpected item on hotel bill. Younger people don't ghink of this kind of stuff

Sorry @Bluebelle1012 he should not have gone if you cannot afford to send him. Yeah I'd be a bit pissed off too if I had paid for his flight. There's no such thing as a freebie really. Italy is expensive. Did you really think £120 would cover all his meals?

Cannycat- ridiculous comparison asking people if they spend £480 per person on food per month. When you do the weekly shopping you’re planning to cook meals for the family. You’ll also have staples such as flour, pasta etc in the cupboards. Completely different to a holiday where you’re planning to eat out all the time, you don’t have cooking facilities anyway, and you’ll probably want extras like ice creams. Plus a lot of 18 yr olds want to drink on holiday.

Let’s not go down the ‘shopping on a budget’ route because that is not what this is. It’s a holiday and if he couldn’t afford / doesn’t want to pay his own way for food and drink then he could have declined the offer to go away. The situation with meals and drinks was made abundantly clear beforehand.

This thread represents all what is wrong with our society. People feeling sorry for an 18yo who only has £120 to spend from his mummy and is starting because he doesn't want to spend his own money and so many thinking the family is rude because they are not forking out yet more £100s for this adults holiday. This is oh so sad.

For one, we have no idea of the circumstances. There is an assumption that the parents asked him to come. It might very well be that ops son indicated that he would love to go and they said ok, we'll pay for your flights and accommodation if you pay for food.

We are also assuming that he is telling all the truth when in all likelihood he is only telling his mum a sob story for more money. If he had concerns about money, he could easily have said on the first night that he only had £120 to spend for the week and would they mind if he went to the village to stock on food. And again, he could easily have made lunches from breakfast.

It angers so much that so many people would assume that because one family is doing well financially l, they don't need to count pennies and care to spend yet another few £££ on their adult's friend in addition to what they've already extremely kindly spent.

We really live in a society of entitled and ungrateful people for whom nothing us never enough and believe that those better off owe them to support them.

And just to add, I think it would be a completely different scenario if they were taking a child away... eg a 15 year old who couldn’t be expected to go out to a bar or shop and wouldn’t be in a position to have earned their own money.

If I was inviting a 15 year old to join a family holiday, I would make clear beforehand whether I was expecting their family to pay for flights/ contribution towards hotel/ meals but I would expect to be eating with the 15 yr old and basically having responsibility for them as still a child.

This is very different. He’s an adult and there’s no reason for him to stick with the family all the time and in fact I would imagine they’re surprised he would expect to. Most 18 yr olds would be off down town just getting on with it and being grateful for the chance to stay in a top notch hotel with loads of activities

Yes but Accicocats he has been paid for to act as a companion to the hosts DS, it's not a free holiday as such as he has a defined purpose. It would look very odd - and distinctly ungrateful- if he spent his time alone away from the other DS, who prefers having mummy and daddy paying for 10 euro cans of coke and 45 euro sandwiches, rather than venturing down the road.

Totally agree with PPs...

As an 18 yo (adult!), he needs to take the responsibility for funding himself and the financial hit that is clearly going to come with it in this scenario... take it as a life lesson & know for next time.

This isn't a family taking a 15/16 y/o away, he's an 18 y/o adult who from reading the posts, clearly has money saved but doesn't want to use it?! He would have known full well that 120€ would be nowhere near enough, even if you were having bread & soft drinks every day from the supermarket in Italy that would be a massive struggle... and the fact that he wants to go out to nightlife etc. seems to me like he just doesn't want to spend his own money.

He could likely get a flight home for the price of the 70€ hotel steak. Problem solved.

Did the host family pay travel and hotel? if so they are already subbing your sun.

I honestly don't think you should excpect more consideration for being 'poor'. Your financial standing is not their responsibility. Do you think you should get discount everywhere you go for being 'poor'? should Alton Towers do a poor person ticket?
Of course not! If you can't afford something you don't get it. I'm comfortably financially but that wasn't always the case. Still even with our current income I may want to fly first class the Fiji but it doesn' tmean I can afford to and I certainly wouldn't expect my friends to crowdfund me.