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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect more consideration because we are not rich

727 replies

Bluebelle1012 · 04/09/2019 11:04

DS 18 got taken to Italy by his friends family. We sent him with some money for food, parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...

However, the town is actually an hours walk down a long hill. Room service ranges anywhere between 40-100 Euro. A Diet Coke is 10.

Breakfast is included, but all other food has to be paid for. DS rang me last night saying he wants to come home because he is ordering extra at breakfast to last as he can not afford lunch or dinner from the hotel. They haven’t been to town yet as the parents have booked activities every day

I have no money to give him as I’m broke! He’s going to town (walking) today when he finally has the free time to buy some pot noodles and stuff for the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?

The mother made a barbed comment about when she went on holiday with friends it was reasonable to pay for yourself as “theyve already done a favour by inviting you.” Normally I’d agree, but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here? I just expected more consideration, even offering a chance to go into town would have done

It’s only a short holiday and he will manage on pot noodles.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Otherpeoplesteens · 04/09/2019 14:50

Limit I have a sterling income and a lot of Euro expenses so I am acutely aware of it.

But the British consumer's buying power is irrelevant to an Italian restaurant's price tags: a €70 steak three years ago is still a €70 steak now!

LimitIsUp · 04/09/2019 14:50

You suggest its grabby Bluntness, but have you noticed that most of the posters who say the hosts should have paid for his meal costs have been the hosts in the past and have done precisely this with good grace? Its the inviters not the invitees proposing this so how is that grabby?

Bibidy · 04/09/2019 14:50

I can't believe some of these responses. They have paid for his flights, not expected a contribution for accommodation, he has had that free, inc breakfast every day, he has not had to contribute to activities, again going along for free, the only thing he was expected to contribute was his other meals and drinks, and the op is saying they should have paid for those too and some folks are agreeing? That's just so grabby.

100% agree. Especially as he is 18, it's not like he's 5 years old.

I just think there's been a bit of naivety over how much 'cheap' really is as I'm not sure you could go anywhere on holiday for a week with little more than £120.

Bibidy · 04/09/2019 14:53

You suggest its grabby Bluntness, but have you noticed that most of the posters who say the hosts should have paid for his meal costs have been the hosts in the past and have done precisely this with good grace? Its the inviters not the invitees proposing this so how is that grabby?

But surely if someone invites you to spend a holiday with them you wouldn't assume that means they would take care of all your spending money?!

This family have been massively generous in even paying for his flights, the most I would have expected is for them to pay for the accommodation since they're already staying in it anyway.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/09/2019 14:54

I can't say I blame him not wanting to touch his uni funds either. No-one in the real world would counsel someone to drop £50 on a night out by taking it out of the mortgage or rent money

THIS ^

Henrysnoopy · 04/09/2019 14:55

We went to rome and took 230 with us for 4 days but was gone. The parents arent at fault they paid for the holiday activities flights op should have ensured she provided adequate money to cover food and drink. He is an 18 year old and does have saving he just doesnt want to spend them Hmm

AtillatheHun · 04/09/2019 14:56

have this wealthy family paid for his hotel room?

Bluntness100 · 04/09/2019 14:57

I've also paid for the dc's friends who came on holiday. I wouldn't even think of asking them to contribute (even when they were 18+). All of them paid to get there (flights etc.) but once there, I felt they were under my wing so to speak!

But he didn't pay for his flights. This family paid. He's had a totally free holiday, even taken to the airport, flights, accommodation. Activities, breakfast, the lot, all he was expected to do was pay for his lunch and dinner and drinks.

AtillatheHun · 04/09/2019 14:57

oops scratch taht I only saw the first page!

cordeliavorkosigan · 04/09/2019 14:57

Uber the 1 hr drive into town? Is there a bus?

cordeliavorkosigan · 04/09/2019 14:58

1 hr walk sorry

Bluntness100 · 04/09/2019 14:58

have this wealthy family paid for his hotel room?

Yes. Everything has been paid for by the family.

Shoxfordian · 04/09/2019 14:58

120 for a week is just silly

Henrysnoopy · 04/09/2019 14:58

I agree with bluntness I think this CF territory expecting a free holiday

Patnotpending · 04/09/2019 14:59

I'm trying to imagine what kind of people would invite their children's friends on holiday and not expect to feed them while they're away. Surely any such invitation should involve food?

It would be great if your son was in a situation to offer to pay for lunch one day or snacks or a round of drinks while he's out with them, but which of us would expect to buy lunch for our own children and then sit and watch their friend sip a glass of tap water? Which of us would give our children pick of the room service menu while their friend is dispatched into town to buy noodles and crisps?

£20 a day should be fine for a teenager in Italy where food isn't generally that expensive. No problem finding a large pizza for 10 euros when I was there two years ago. I've certainly got backpacking nieces and nephews who would expect to live on far less than £20 for food each day in Europe. He's getting a good free breakfast. How much does it cost to make half a loaf of cheese sarnies? Add in a pizza in town in the evening and some cereal/ biscuits and that should keep the wolf from the door. I know some boys have hollow legs and I know cheap junk isn't good for them, but it's only six days.

Is something going on here? Is your son spinning the situation in the hope that you'll come up with more spending money for him? I just can't imagine booking a teen into a smart hotel and expecting them to pay for their own room service.

Vanhi · 04/09/2019 15:00

but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here?

IME rich people very rarely have any idea about what it's like to budget. Their idea of cheap and mine are poles apart and they have no idea of what it's like to broke and have no access to any funds whatsoever. They just cannot get their heads around it at all. It all sounds like miscommunication.

And whilst he is an adult, you don't suddenly become fully fledged on the day of your 18th birthday. Sounds like this is a young man who's just finished A levels and is about to start uni so he's at that betwixt and between stage. The OP made a mistake but it wouldn't hurt the family to say "it's fine, we'll get this since we're all out together."

Leapyearlover · 04/09/2019 15:01

I eat out regularly in Italy and have never come across a 70 euro steak or a hotel so cut off from anywhere cheaper. Would love to know where they are !

Bluntness100 · 04/09/2019 15:02

Its the inviters not the invitees proposing this so how is that grabby?

Because that was the agreement. They paid for his flights, took him to the airport, provided him bed and breakfast, all activities for free with no contribution, the only thing they asked for him to pay for was his lunch dinner and drinks.

And now the op is saying they should have paid for that too.

LimitIsUp · 04/09/2019 15:03

Other I will give it one final go before throwing in the towel.

Rose was askance and incredulous re how the steak could cost so much to the point that she doubted the veracity of the scenario. I was suggesting - to Rose (not anyone else as it happens) that she might not have found 70 euro so hard to believe and improbable if she had been confronted with that same price a few years back when the exchange rate was so much more favourable. The steak, back then, would not have seemed so extravagantly, stand out expensive - and perhaps this is why she is now doubting the cost of the steak (and the truthfulness of the scenario), because unwittingly she is stuck in a timewarp £1.8 to 1 euro exhange rate mentality..or even a £1.5 to 1 euro exchange rate (I was stuck in that time warp until rudely awakened when vacationing in the Eurozone a couple of weeks ago and got a shock when my euros didn't go nearly as far as on previous holidays)

Henrysnoopy · 04/09/2019 15:03

No reasonable person who sent there 18 year old child to Italy for 6 days with only £120 for food and drink. You have been a CF no one self catering would go there with that little. You should have given him atleast £350. We took £230 plus bank card when we went to rome for 4 days.

DarlingNikita · 04/09/2019 15:04

But surely if someone invites you to spend a holiday with them you wouldn't assume that means they would take care of all your spending money?!

The OP and DS assumed no such thing. There was a conversation in advance about food costs, in which the she and he were led to believe cheap restaurants, shops etc were easily accessible.

rookiemere · 04/09/2019 15:05

Poor lad is 18, this sounds like a very tricky etiquette situation to navigate.

What on earth is he meant to do when tired and hungry after an activity and discovers the menu is very expensive? Not ordering the steak would be good - and I do find it hard to believe that only steak or sandwiches were on the menu - but he can't really ask them to go somewhere else and it would be very awkward for him to say he couldn't afford it.

It's nice that parents have paid for flights and hotels, but to insist on eating at pricey restaurants when they know that the DS has a pizza/pasta budget and not subsidising or paying for him is just mean. And no I wouldn't be using my university funds to pay for expensive meals either.

Bluntness100 · 04/09/2019 15:05

I agree with bluntness I think this CF territory expecting a free holiday

Yes, apparently because they are loaded the son shouldn't be expected to pay as agreed, he should have a totally expenses paid trip at this families expense.

I'd be ashamed to have that attitude.

IrmaFayLear · 04/09/2019 15:06

I know he bought them some chocolates (lily o Brian ones so posh!) and said thank you when they picked him up but in regards to drinks or paying for a meal, then no he hasn’t done that

So he hasn't actually paid anything?

Also fail to understand the relevance of asking your sister for money. The boy has savings and a car. On what CF planet does someone ask for holiday spending money for their ds?!

Henrysnoopy · 04/09/2019 15:09

I'm glad I'm not the only one who is gobsmacked at the responses that this family is being called worse that mud despite their generosity they have to also fed him because his mum decided to only give him 20 quid a day. It's clear the agreement was him to cover food of course they said it wouldn't be expensive they covered the majority of the costs but they didn't expect op to give her son so little towards food why should they have to make up the shortfall. I'd be so embarrassed if I was op tbh.

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