To expect more consideration because we are not rich

[Bluebelle1012]

DS 18 got taken to Italy by his friends family. We sent him with some money for food, parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...

However, the town is actually an hours walk down a long hill. Room service ranges anywhere between 40-100 Euro. A Diet Coke is 10.

Breakfast is included, but all other food has to be paid for. DS rang me last night saying he wants to come home because he is ordering extra at breakfast to last as he can not afford lunch or dinner from the hotel. They haven’t been to town yet as the parents have booked activities every day

I have no money to give him as I’m broke! He’s going to town (walking) today when he finally has the free time to buy some pot noodles and stuff for the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?

The mother made a barbed comment about when she went on holiday with friends it was reasonable to pay for yourself as “theyve already done a favour by inviting you.” Normally I’d agree, but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here? I just expected more consideration, even offering a chance to go into town would have done

It’s only a short holiday and he will manage on pot noodles.

AIBU?

Kazzy I picked the end of 2015 because the Brexit vote took place in June 2016! It is the most appropriate date

What on Earth has Brexit got to do with whether a teen went abroad with enough money??? Picking a few weeks when the pound was particularly high is completely irrelevant when it was far lower for most of the decade before and after the Brexit date itself.

But the parents have paid for this boy's flight.

If there are activities during the day, including hiring boat, then I'd expect there are snacks included. I just suspect that the two boys (or host boy) are expecting to go to the hotel restaurant instead of hiking down to the village.

Also, this is not some deprived boy being taken on holiday. He has had his own car for a year. I think some people are a bit choosy about their financial status.

DS has university savings working at KFC and Burger King. He has five grand but that money is for university. Hours working at originally £5 an hour. He would starve before paying that amount for a burger or borrowing. He’s not entitled he just views spending on how many hours would it take to pay for that. DS would not agree to a holiday that would mean using his savings, he is very proud of them.

His friend sounds like a dick. He's the one holding up your son from going into town - sounds like he's the one that doesn't like 'cheap things' ; then looks on as papa and mama stump up for him while your son is scrabbling around to pay.

Some of the PP comments sadden me.

Here's a salutary tale. Earlier this year, we got invited to a destination wedding in a southern Europe resort area (not Italy). It so happens that the place in question is in the nearest big(ish) city to where my parents retired when I was still at school so is a place I know like the back of my hand, speak the language, and can go native. I could name half a dozen restaurants within a five minute walk of the hotel where I could order a barbecued chicken and chips dinner for two with wine, coffee and brandy, and have change from €20, or something like a whole grilled sea bass for €8 with wine €3.50 for half a litre - indeed I had eaten in two of them and done just that earlier in the year. On that basis we were happy to join them, and gladly told mutual friends who were thinking of attending all about it.

In reality, the couple kept suggesting that we should all eat together, and picked places like the restaurant overlooking the marina where a tuna salad was €15 and a bottle of water €4, or the hotel itself where a hamburger and fries cost €23 plus 10% service charge. They were horrified that I wanted to have a beer in the café across the road from the hotel for €1.20 instead of the €7.50 the hotel bar was charging.

We had budgeted €20 per person per day with local knowledge and feared bankrupting ourselves within hours. The arrangement lasted one night before we checked out and fled to the family home.

The point I'm making is that you can do all the research you want and still get sold up the river far, far in excess of what you think is sensible or reasonable. Besides, if normal people asked the parents they'd presumably take them at their word.

What saddens me though is two things. First, the lad might be 18 but if he's about to start at uni he's presumably just finished sixth form or whatever his equivalent is; in other words, he's OPs dependent child. It worries me that so many people can easily dismiss this.

Second, I agree that the host family cannot possibly be blind to what's going on, and it looks and smells like they're rubbing it in. OK, so they might have a raised eyebrow at the boy eating his €70 steak and pleading poverty, but I can see his perhaps not-very-worldy-wise logic in choosing it over the €45 sandwich. I cannot imagine a situation in which I was looking after someone else teen (and the clue is in my username) and watched him go hungry while I ate in a restaurant like that. It's breathtaking.

I can't say I blame him not wanting to touch his uni funds either. No-one in the real world would counsel someone to drop £50 on a night out by taking it out of the mortgage or rent money, and I don't see this is any different.

OP, I feel for you and your DS here. You've been sold a pup by this family and it sounds like your DS is making the best he can out of the situation. He'll hopefully learn from it, and remember it whenever he evaluates his relationship with this friend.

*I think it literally is just an issue of him and friend not going out in the evening, so they are sat there all ordering room service whilst he doesn’t. However, now he’s spoken to his friend, it appears him and his friend are venturing off on their own so that has half solved the issue

I think the fact that his friend hasn’t wanted to go out has also infuriated DS and added to the situation.*

Right - so here's the truth. The host boy and OP's ds are supposed to be off out in the evenings. As it is, host boy doesn't want to and is ordering room service (which everyone knows is £££££). Frankly, if I were the parents I wouldn't want to pay for room service steaks for my ds and a friend! If I were the parent I'd tell both of them to put down that room service menu and get down to the village (does the hotel lend bikes?!)

What sort of breakfast does he have?
The usual thing is to sneak some extra food at breakfast (banana, roll, etc) to have later (lunch)
Secondly, does the hotel have a kettle? I expect in Italy it does not, which is a shame.
There are lots of things you can make with just a kettle (apart from cup a soup, etc). I mention this for future reference, as we usually take our own travel kettle.
At the very least, he needs to find a local supermarket where he can buy a sandwich to eat later, rather than have meals out.

Good grief!

I was responding to a poster who was querying how conceivably a steak could cost 70 euros in Italy and pointing out that perhaps it only seems so much because (FACT) sterling has particularly unfavourable exchange rate with the Euro right now

Dont get emotional

Hes got savings but you are going to borrow off your sister? Wtf?

If we invite other DC, we pay for them. It’s unreasonable not to! These parents want this lad’s company for their DC but not the responsibility that goes with it. It’s very rude. Next time they should entertain their own DC and OP, make sure your DC says No Thanks!

Actually this reminds me of a friend telling me about her "free" ski holiday with rich friend.
Rich friend has a ski chalet in a very expensive resort and kindly invites some friends to join her each year I was always slightly miffed I didn't make the cut

However as not so rich friend explained, although the accommodation was free there was a 500 cleaning fee to be shared and then for meals rich friend would pick pricey restaurants and order €30 bottles of wine, of course costs had to be split between all and due to the free nature of the holiday it would have been churlish to mention buying a cheaper bottle.

Not so rich friend said that "free" weekend ended up costing her more than the entire family ski holiday.

Some people literally have no conception that others are on a tighter budget than they are.

We’ve invited DD’s friend on holiday with us before (both 18) as she is a guest, we paid for meals. They came to make my holiday more pleasant so I agree with OP, most meals should be included and they buy booze/trips themselves.

Absolutely outrageous that they can take a guest child on holiday and leave him to go hungry. Inhospitable and rude. Ok, so he is not quite a child and should probably have been given more spending money, but while there, he is with them and dependent on them.
Very mean-spirited of the host family and not a way to treat guests.

Missing the point of the thread, a €70 steak is a €70 steak no matter what the sterling exchange rate is. It just gets more expensive in pounds.

I don’t think 120 pounds is too little for s young lad who wanted to buy food from
Town and didn’t expect it to be fancy restaurants

I can't believe some of these responses. They have paid for his flights, not expected a contribution for accommodation, he has had that free, inc breakfast every day, he has not had to contribute to activities, again going along for free, the only thing he was expected to contribute was his other meals and drinks, and the op is saying they should have paid for those too and some folks are agreeing? That's just so grabby.

@Bluebelle1012

I think it literally is just an issue of him and friend not going out in the evening, so they are sat there all ordering room service whilst he doesn’t.

So this very wealthy family have gone on holiday to Italy and in the warm summer evenings, they are sitting IN their hotel room - not even at the hotel restaurant - and ordering food to be sent to the hotel room?

Every night?

Gosh.

In fairness to the other couple, even if I had told someone that the holiday was going to be really cheap I'd expect them to bring more than £120. That's not very much to bring for a week away at all, even though I do appreciate it's all you could afford at the time.

Sounds like your boy needs to chip into his savings for this one!

Other, can you honestly not see that a 70 euro steak a couple of years back when the exchange rate was much better was objectively cheaper in real terms to the British consumer than it is now and would have not felt excessively over priced back then?

I've also paid for the dc's friends who came on holiday. I wouldn't even think of asking them to contribute (even when they were 18+). All of them paid to get there (flights etc.) but once there, I felt they were under my wing so to speak!

what usually happened is on one night, the guest child (when 17/18+) would insist on taking us all out for dinner to thank us for having them along - I'd make sure it was a reasonably cheap option like a pizza for everyone! But I always made it clear to the parents that I didn't expect this though generally they gave money to their dc to cover something like this.

How about drink drink the money.... alcohol comes before food surely

Doesn’t come before food *

£120 for a holiday.. seriously?