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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel holiday MIL booked and paid for for us?

148 replies

Pushpushpoosh · 04/09/2019 10:02

For Christmas last year as a gift to the DCs MIL booked for our family and SILs family to go on holiday and it's booked for next week.
Its a UK holiday and looks really fab however my dc are 1 and 3 and our 3 year old has started pre school this week and will then need to take next week off. I didn't think much of it at first however DD isn't settling in very well at nursery and I worry taking her put next week is going to really mess her up settling in wise.
We can't change as SIL is booked into same accommodation and DHs holidays from work are set.
The holiday was going to be great and the kids would love it but I don't want to go at all now because coming back and trying to settle back into nursery again I know is going to be a nightmare.

AIBU to cancel ourselves from the trip and stick with nursery? It won't affect SILs family trip. DH says I'm over reacting and kids are resilient but I don't want to make it harder for DD than it already is.

OP posts:

Chloemol · 04/09/2019 11:24

Get a grip, she will settle again, it would be good for her, and you to go on holiday

ChicCroissant · 04/09/2019 11:24

But you knew about the holiday - you could have started her at pre-school after that. Is it really about settling in at the pre-school or something else, OP?

ReanimatedSGB · 04/09/2019 11:24

Go on your holiday FFS. A family holiday is far more important for a three year old than a few days of nursery.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 04/09/2019 11:25

Much of the worrying about their being unsettled is really passing your own feelings on to them.

In some cases yes, but there is a real issue of the child previously having explored the world always within the presence of a trusted carer who they are attached to and getting confidence from that, but then suddenly having to do without that familiar support or base. Some children adapt better than others, some thrive, some NEED longer or a delay.

Settling in should be a dedicated, gentle and consistent effort ideally, which is why the OP is rightly concerned about interrupting it. All these accusations of being precious etc etc are just ignorant.

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 04/09/2019 11:26

You can't cancel at such short notice! MIL will be really upset - and out of pocket.

Go. Make the most of family time and being able to take your dd on holiday in termtime...

yearinyearout · 04/09/2019 11:32

Actually having a break from it might go the other way and help her settle when you're back, I don't think you have anything to lose since she's already unsettled. Have a great holiday!

RedRec · 04/09/2019 11:33

Of course you are being unreasonable. And precious. And it would be the most monumental slap in the face for your mother in law.

Drum2018 · 04/09/2019 11:33

Definitely go. In the long run you won't have the chance to go during term time so take this chance while you can. Nursery teachers will probably spend until October mid term break settling kids in so I wouldn't worry about that. Kids who are running in the door delighted during the first couple of weeks can well be the ones who are crying by the end of September, so don't worry, go on holidays and have a great time.

RocketRacoonsFurryBalls · 04/09/2019 11:43

Go and have a lovely holiday!

BykerBykerOoh · 04/09/2019 11:43

Cancel the cheque. Not the holiday.

Hope your dd settles in better on The second round. Good luck and enjoy the break.

NearlyGranny · 04/09/2019 11:47

Have a great time and unwind with family! Four adults is always nice as you can take turns being on and off child duty in different combinations and the children will entertain each other too.

I do wonder about MiL, though. Did she consult all the parties before booking the holiday or just spring it? Surprises are lovely but that is going a bit far, even if the holiday is ideal.

Next time it might not be...

Redwinestillfine · 04/09/2019 11:56

A much better idea if you're worried about her settling is to keep her home the first week, or do one or two 'settler' days, then go on the holiday, and then let her start proper.

redcupbluecup · 04/09/2019 11:59

Be honest, if it would have been you that spent the money would you cancel? Probably not.
Take them on holiday. A pre schooler isn't missing exam revision. Its irrelevant.

TaskMistress · 04/09/2019 12:01

It's preschool chill out

ConkerGame · 04/09/2019 12:04

I hate to say it but you are the parent I fear my friends will turn into! It’s pre-school! This is madness!

Longlongsummer · 04/09/2019 12:06

YABU and last minute changes, except for illness, are not a good way to be running your family. It sounds like you are purely panicking.

It’s such a lovely gift! If I were your MIL I’d be so upset you didn’t go. And your kids will be upset too.

Settling into nursery is a gradual, longer term strategy. And your little ones might be a bit traumatized that you’ve cancelled such a big thing that I presume you’ve talked about.

Durgasarrow · 04/09/2019 12:13

Oh please don't use this as an excuse now. That would be incredibly selfish and cruel on your part. Your mother-in-law would be very hurt, and rightly so. I understand that packing is annoying and many people dread preparing for holidays. I know I do. But that is irrational. Once you get yourself on the way, your perspective will change. Do please remember that part of the gift wasn't just the money from your mother-in-law, it was the arranging something she thought everyone would enjoy and putting her heart into extending herself.

Yarval · 04/09/2019 12:15

What a bizarre reason to cancel? Are you normally this strange? You’re going to turn your kids into nervous wrecks if you always act like this. Try and think sensibly. When your kids start school you have very little options of taking cheaper term time holidays. This is the best time to get holidays in. Go and enjoy. Your child will be fine.

S1naidSucks · 04/09/2019 12:19

RTFT! THE OP HAS DECIDED TO GO ON THE HOLIDAY!

and breath

MagpieSong · 04/09/2019 12:31

I'm glad you've decided to go. I have a ds who struggled to settle at nursery. He had huge seperation anxiety, at one point he climbed into a box there and refused to come out! We went on holiday slightly later than you after nursery started and found the time together actually helped. We said he'd be able to tell friends/teacher at nursery about an activity we did, or said (with a painting activity etc) 'I bet you'll be able to do something similar to this at nursery'. We found he had a better impression of what he could do there if he relaxed. It is heartbreaking when you have to walk out of the nursery/pre-school without them when they're so distressed. I hated it. I understand the worry initially about the holiday. You probably both need it! It does almost always resolve itself with lots of reassurance about where you'll be and that they can just have a little play and go outside and then you'll be back to collect them. My ds used to be distraught, but this morning saw him skipping into his second day at school. You'll both get through it - hold on to that thought.

Jamhandprints · 04/09/2019 12:33

Don't cancel! Holidays and time with family is precious for kids. DD will have the rest of her life to get used to school!

Cryalot2 · 04/09/2019 12:48

Holidays always win .

gingersausage · 04/09/2019 13:00

I know you’ve decided to go, but why is she going to preschool? Is it because you work (obviously fine and necessary) or just because you think she should.

If it’s the latter and she really hates it, just don’t send her if you don’t want to. If you do want to, then be aware she might never settle (one of mine didn’t) or she might love it by this time next month. Three year olds are impossible. That’s all there is to it 😁.

Jux · 04/09/2019 13:01

DD took a while to stop crying when I dropped her off. It felt like forever, but until read your OP I'd completely forgotten the anguish and guilt and shame I felt. I'd forgotten that I was worried the teachers would think what an awful mum I was, because my child was crying and yet I still left her..... and so on and so on....!

Your dd will settle at preschool. She probably stops crying almost as soon you leave.

Hederex · 04/09/2019 13:01

Glad to read you are going, it might even be easier for her after you get back.
Have a lovely trip.

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