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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel holiday MIL booked and paid for for us?

148 replies

Pushpushpoosh · 04/09/2019 10:02

For Christmas last year as a gift to the DCs MIL booked for our family and SILs family to go on holiday and it's booked for next week.
Its a UK holiday and looks really fab however my dc are 1 and 3 and our 3 year old has started pre school this week and will then need to take next week off. I didn't think much of it at first however DD isn't settling in very well at nursery and I worry taking her put next week is going to really mess her up settling in wise.
We can't change as SIL is booked into same accommodation and DHs holidays from work are set.
The holiday was going to be great and the kids would love it but I don't want to go at all now because coming back and trying to settle back into nursery again I know is going to be a nightmare.

AIBU to cancel ourselves from the trip and stick with nursery? It won't affect SILs family trip. DH says I'm over reacting and kids are resilient but I don't want to make it harder for DD than it already is.

OP posts:
WarmSausageTea · 04/09/2019 10:38

Fuck sakes

Helpful. Hmm

bloodywhitecat · 04/09/2019 10:38

If you are going to cancel anything cancel preschool until your return, it would be madness to cancel your holiday for the reasons you suggest.

misspiggy19 · 04/09/2019 10:40

YABU. You are just looking for excuses not to go

Tonnerre · 04/09/2019 10:41

If your DD was upset this morning, obviously there isn't much, if any, settling to undo. Better to start again with a clean slate after a break.

Reallynowdear · 04/09/2019 10:41

Go on the holiday, your little one will be fine. It's ok to feel anxious but the pros outweigh the cons on this occasion.

Have a lovely time with your family.

Aprillygirl · 04/09/2019 10:42

Your DD isn't even settled at preschool so it's not like you taking her out for a week is going to make much difference is it? I think you'd be mad, not to mention rude towards your MIL not to take this holiday. Perhaps you could tell your DD that the holiday is a treat for her because she has been such a good/brave girl at preschool, so that she associates it with good things.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/09/2019 10:46

I can see why you might be worried about this, of course you would worry if you feel your child is not settling in. Its not precious at all.

This week she went into an unknown situation, but now she will have had week 1 to see the place. After a nice reassuring week with lots of people around to entertain her, she might actually feel more relaxed and confident going back to nursery, particularly as she's already experienced it, than she is this week when its all very new and unknown. Can you have a chat to the nursery folk, (out of her hearing) - it might be that she is not as upset during the day as she is at drop off and pick up times, which will make you feel better. Nursery itself will be more settled when she returns and that might help too.
A holiday together might do you all good.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 04/09/2019 10:51

You will spend most of the next 15 years juggling around school holidays.

Go and enjoy yourselves for goodness sake.

gilliansgardenbench · 04/09/2019 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nicolamarlow1 · 04/09/2019 10:52

If one of the family was ill then you could cancel and MIL would understand, but to cancel for such a flimsy reason will cause a lot of upset. Your MIL will feel as if you're throwing her generous offer back in her face. Just don't do it, go on holiday and enjoy yourselves.

ChristmasLily · 04/09/2019 10:52

If I was your MIL I would be so so so upset with you if you did that. Besides, it's going to take more than an additional week to get her settled. It took my son 2 months, and it didn't happen until we found the right comfort toy for him. He also caught chicken pox before that so it was 1 month off for chicken pox then the 2 months after to settle again, all together 3 months. Take the holiday, it will mean nothing in the long run to your daughter's settling. If you upset your in laws this badly, it might make your whole family not happy for a while. Don't do that.

thenightsky · 04/09/2019 10:53

You'll be stuck with expensive school holidays soon enough. Definitely go now and enjoy it. In two years' time you'll be looking at getting a fine for taking a holiday!

Branleuse · 04/09/2019 10:54

YABU. I think it will do your dc good, and it would be really bad to cancel over this

Dulra · 04/09/2019 10:55

As others have said go. This is the type of thing you look back at and wonder what was I thinking!! We all have those parenting moments (I know I do). There will come a time when you are tied to school holidays and will long for the freedom of holidaying when you choose. Your little one will be fine and a week away with the family will do her way more good then a week in nursery

NotStayingIn · 04/09/2019 10:56

Seriously OP...Smile I’m glad you’re seeing how irrational you’re being.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 04/09/2019 10:59

Don't give up a holiday because of pre-school!!

If she's made progress with settling this week, then she will make progress settling the week after you get back.
It's not a huge deal.

Witchinaditch · 04/09/2019 11:01

Life is hard. No excuse to do not enjoyable things. Go and enjoy, cancelling will cause a fallout which can be avoided

ArcheryAnnie · 04/09/2019 11:03

You've got fifteen years of school ahead of you where you won't be able to take school time to go on holiday. She's 3, it'll be fine. Enjoy your holiday.

tillytrotter1 · 04/09/2019 11:07

I honestly think that many mothers hate the thought of their child not missing them. Much of the worrying about their being unsettled is really passing your own feelings on to them. Someone said to me that from the minute they're born life is about preparing to let go and it hurts you more than them! We had our granddaughter at about 1 when her parents went to a wedding, I swear our daughter phoned every 100 yeards and sounded devestated that she wasn't in floods of tears!

Original poster
Pushpushpoosh · 04/09/2019 11:11

I just feel guilty like the teachers will be thinking were doing all we can to help your kid settle then you decide on a holiday!!!

But yes thankyou the HELPFUL posters, literally just got the cases out! Smile

OP posts:
Whichoneofyoudidthat · 04/09/2019 11:14

have a good time. My SIL (a teacher) said to me once when I was agonising over something similar, 'she's got the rest of her childhood to spend in a schoolroom'. Looking back, she was so right!

JollyAndBright · 04/09/2019 11:15

How about you flip the situation.
Take her out this week, have the holiday and then start the nursery transition again when you get back.
It will be a lot less stressful.

happycamper11 · 04/09/2019 11:16

The break might help. She might go back forgetting any negative thoughts she had before. I'd not cancel!

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 04/09/2019 11:19

I just feel guilty like the teachers will be thinking were doing all we can to help your kid settle then you decide on a holiday

That's their job

CombineBananaFister · 04/09/2019 11:23

I would look at the positive too. It hasn't panned out as a great start as she hasn't settled well, so regroup, have a fab holiday, start afresh. The bonus of that is most of the other children may be calmer by that stage and less crying/upset in general. The staff might also have less demands on their time as they do at the beginning when they must be swamped by so many little adjustments. Maybe it will work better? Enjoy your hols!

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