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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel holiday MIL booked and paid for for us?

148 replies

Pushpushpoosh · 04/09/2019 10:02

For Christmas last year as a gift to the DCs MIL booked for our family and SILs family to go on holiday and it's booked for next week.
Its a UK holiday and looks really fab however my dc are 1 and 3 and our 3 year old has started pre school this week and will then need to take next week off. I didn't think much of it at first however DD isn't settling in very well at nursery and I worry taking her put next week is going to really mess her up settling in wise.
We can't change as SIL is booked into same accommodation and DHs holidays from work are set.
The holiday was going to be great and the kids would love it but I don't want to go at all now because coming back and trying to settle back into nursery again I know is going to be a nightmare.

AIBU to cancel ourselves from the trip and stick with nursery? It won't affect SILs family trip. DH says I'm over reacting and kids are resilient but I don't want to make it harder for DD than it already is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pushpushpoosh · 04/09/2019 10:15

Thanks all obviously I am over reacting from these replies Blush. I honestly do want to go on the holiday it's just seeing DD so upset this morning I know going away will undo the settling she's done this week.

OP posts:
SayWhatNowYall · 04/09/2019 10:17

You are over reacting. Go on the holiday and re-settle her when you return.

You’ll find she might have a blip after every half-term or long-weekend away, but will settle again soon enough. It’s totally normal. You cancelling your holiday now really will make no difference but to disappoint a lot of people and offend your MIL!

Anniegetyourgun · 04/09/2019 10:17

What they all said, honestly. Go on the holiday, have a wonderful time, start again with the settling in process when you're back. She may even take to it better after a week of doing something completely different.

Soubriquet · 04/09/2019 10:18

Honestly kids change all the time

One week she could be happy as Larry to go to nursery...and then all of a sudden scream at going!

A holiday isn’t going to change that

Mrsjayy · 04/09/2019 10:20

But she isn't settled is she ? Go on holiday talk about nursery let hersay shewas upset if she wants too but speak positively about nursery and see if she wants to buy her key worker a souvenier to take back with her.

QuestionableMouse · 04/09/2019 10:21

Time as a family in a different place might actually be good for her. My nephew is 3 and has travelled quite a bit and settles easily in new places.

Go and have fun!

couchparsnip · 04/09/2019 10:21

Holidays are important at this age as they are beginning to lay down long term memories. And don't deny them a holiday because they aren't settling, its like a punishment.
Beginning pre school is less important in the long run, they won't remember. It's a small short term nuisance versus a long term memory. No question about it.

Houseworkavoider · 04/09/2019 10:22

Go! Have a great time and don’t upset your MIL
Honestly settling in has its peaks and troughs whatever you do.

Mrsjayy · 04/09/2019 10:25

This will probably be your last out of term holiday enjoy it

dreamingofsun · 04/09/2019 10:26

have you considered that its your behaviour causing your daughter to get stressed and upset. Chill out a bit more. What are you going to be like for GCSE and A levels if you are like this about pre-school

ukgift2016 · 04/09/2019 10:26

Yabu. It's nursery for God sake.

Mrsjayy · 04/09/2019 10:27

Term time holiday obviously !

StroppyWoman · 04/09/2019 10:27

YABU, definitely go on holiday

FriendMind · 04/09/2019 10:28

Go on holiday, if shes not settled now anyway a week wont make a difference. Take a break and start again after your holiday.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 04/09/2019 10:29

Go on holiday. Just do it, you'll be fine. Please don't pass on your anxiety about this to your DD.

Talcott2007 · 04/09/2019 10:29

Go on holiday! Theoretically she could catch a D&V bug and be off next week thus disrupting her schedule. Children are adaptable.

jesuschristwtf · 04/09/2019 10:30

Jesus Christ. Really??? She’s feeding off your anxiety. Stop being so precious. She’s 3.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 04/09/2019 10:30

When you say DD not settling in what way? Is she clinging to you? Because if so maybe she needs more time to mature (I really dont mean that badly) attachment is really underestimated, dismissed and misunderstood, and looking back I wish to god I'd had the understanding I have now having done developmental psychology, because DS needed a longer time to 'detach' and I forced him to go preschool when he wasn't ready. It stressed him and he developed nervous habits. More time spent on 'readiness' or just a year later would have helped him greatly. Plus he was spring born.

With regards to holiday yes, I reckon it will upset her settling in and if it's related to reasons above, then it will be worse for her after nice long stay with mum and relatives to go back to a place she may not be enthused about yet.

Tough one. I would understand you bailing but not many will, especially your MIL, so I think you will have to suck it up unfortunatelyFlowers

MzHz · 04/09/2019 10:30

It won’t undo anything, it will give her a break and during the break you can spend time reassuring her that preschool is fun!

Do you need her to go as much as she’s signed up for? You could perhaps phase her attendance, or even postpone it as a last resort?

In any event there is no guarantee that cancelling the holiday would affect how she settles in at pre school

I saw kids with each of their four limbs in the door way in year 1 of primary- I’m sure your dc will not be as upset for any length of time.

WhatsMyPassword · 04/09/2019 10:32

Fuck sakes

BirthdayDreamer · 04/09/2019 10:32

TO be honest, even those children who appear to settle in straight away can sometimes have set-backs, when they realise after a week or so that it's not a temporary thing. Some take ages to settle in. On balance, I think she'll get more out of the holiday than nursery and also, when she returns the rest of the group might be more settled and so the staff would have more time to dedicate to yours settling in. Also, children are very good at picking up on the overall vibe and copying others, so it's more likely by the time she returns that the other children will have settled more themselves and show her the ropes as it were.

I understand how you feel, but personally on balance I would go, enjoy and have a fresh start after you return.

Bookworm4 · 04/09/2019 10:35

Jings, your DD is only on her 3rd day, are you being upset and stressed? You can’t let her see that. Go the holiday and more than likely your DD will gain some more confidence and nursery won’t be so hard.

FireBloodAndIce · 04/09/2019 10:36

Yabu. Stop settling now, go away and start again afresh after the holiday.

edwinbear · 04/09/2019 10:36

Go on holiday and worry about settling her when you are back.

Skybooks · 04/09/2019 10:37

My Ds started pre school in Jan, 9 days later I took him out for 11 days in America and them he went back!

He's absolutely fine and coped with the jet lag much better than me or my DH!

Go and have fun your DD will be fine xx

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