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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this family for leaving their young dc home alone?

329 replies

Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 22:21

New family moved in opposite. They're a bit strange. 2 dc age approx 8 or 9 and then another age 3 or 4.
Every morning the DM takes the DP to work at around 6.15 am. Shes gone around 20 mins. Leaves the kids at home, no sign of any lights on so I assume they're in bed and she doesn't want to stir them.
What also makes me nervous is that she doesn't lock the front door. She gets home and just pushes handle down and shes straight in.
Do I keep my nose out or report it?
My close friend has begged me to report however shes a social worker in training!

OP posts:
Cath2907 · 04/09/2019 13:37

I leave my incredibly sensible 8 year old at home on the sofa watching TV on a Saturday/Sunday at about 8am whilst I walk the dog. Single parent, annoying dog. We live in a small and friendly village, my parents live up the road and my DD can walk up (and often does) unsupervised if she needs them. My sister also lives up the road and my DD can walk to hers also. I leave the backdoor open so she can get out easily if she needs to.

It makes me a little twitchy sometimes but so do a lot of the independant things she does! She is happy enough to be left with the TV and a drink, she knows not to do silly things like turn on ovens or try to have a bath. She knows the ladies in the Spar right next door so could access any assistance very quickly.

I'd be more concerned with a 4 year old involved. My 5 year old nephew is like a walking death trap!

CTRL · 04/09/2019 13:38

@Drogosnextwife

You keep saying others suggestions but yet still you haven’t anything better to suggest.

Why do people act like warriors online and in real life wouldn’t dare have the guts to say anything remotely as blunt Hmm

CTRL · 04/09/2019 13:38

Slating*

G5000 · 04/09/2019 13:41

yeah because all the neighbours are going to be wide awake at 6 in the morning ready to answer the door to a 9 year old saying the house is on fire? If it's an emergency, I would expect a 9 year old to make enough noise. Or would you really ignore someone frantically banging on your door because it's 6.30 and you were in bed? in case of fire, a 9 year old would call a fire department.

Do you go to bed at night and leave your door unlocked?
No, but I would leave it unlocked during the day, and I might be upstairs/in the garden, and my 4 year old could walk out without me hearing a thing. She doesn't though, why would she suddenly go wandering?

Also, you've conveniently changed the ages! The OP said more like 7 or 8 for the oldest and 2 or 3 for the youngest

Qoting OP: 'age approx 8 or 9 and then another age 3 or 4.'

AyeToIndy · 04/09/2019 13:44

Ive often thought about just nipping to the shop or whatever and leaving the kids. The thing that stops me is the idea of something happening to me while im away from them and them having no idea. The unlocked door and regular routine of it also makes me very uncomfortable. Anybody could be scoping out the house for sinister reasons and then choose that time when the adults are away and the door unlocked to break in.

I wouldn't hesitate to report it, maybe nothing will come of it but at least you will have done your bit

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 13:48

@CTRL

Hmm I would say it to someone irl, unfortunately I don't know these parents and thankfully I don't know anyone who would do what her and her husband are doing.

What suggestion would you like me to offer?
You said the OP should offer childcare for these children. Why should she? She doesn't have to be the one to care for them but she has noticed something that flags up concern. Who will look after the OPs children while she is baby sitting and why do you think its her responsibility?

CTRL · 04/09/2019 13:54

Sh doesn’t have to be up watching her neighbours house everyday either to notice when she’s leaving the kids....like I said. Mind your own business and unless your helping or suggesting where the neighbour can find help I suggest you butt out.

Like I said it’s called survival and you know how what thier situation is.

And if the OP has children...bring them with her or bring the kids left alone to her house.

Seriously the amount of trollop I read on here is unreal.

G5000 · 04/09/2019 14:00

If they were concerned enough about your children to report you to social services, I doubt they would be caring if they "fucked up the relationship" with you

'Concerned', you mean. Op has not even tried to talk to the neighbour and is simply guessing that the children must be in horrible danger. She does not even know how old the children are, only that they keep getting younger and younger on this thread, in a few pages we will probably end up with 2 newborns alone for 2 days while mum is doing crystal meth...

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 14:02

Like the trollop I'm reading from your posts, yes it's shocking sometimes.
I'm sure the OP doesn't want someone else's kids in her house at 6 in the morning while she is trying to get ready for work.
I notice my neighbour who goes for the train everyday at 7.15 because thats when I'm having breakfast and she walks by my window, it's not hard to see people at the same time everyday when they have a routine.
Butt out of what!? This is a public forum where anyone can give their opinion on something an op asks for opinions on.
This seems to have touched quite a nerve for you. I wonder why?

abcdeg · 04/09/2019 14:02

If you really are that worried about her kids:
•ask of everything is ok
•let her know you'll keep an eye (that's not childcare btw)
OR
• tell her it's not a good idea because __, and so you're worried.

Just reporting without even bothering to speak to the woman just seems mean. Why can't you at least ask her what's going on? Then decide if you still think they're at risk.

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 14:04

Concerned', you mean

That's what I wrote, I'm not sure what you mean?

CTRL · 04/09/2019 14:06

@abcdeg

Thank you !! I’m glad someone else has sense here

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 14:07

And if the OP has children...bring them with her or bring the kids left alone to her house.

So the OP should wake her children and take them out, so someone else doesn't have to? God people are so entitled sometimes.

CTRL · 04/09/2019 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

G5000 · 04/09/2019 14:09

She's not actually concerned, she's just a busybody who is worried about her friend's opinion, not the welfare of the children.

CTRL · 04/09/2019 14:10

Suggestion*

Like I said. Mumsnet warriors

DoomsdayCult · 04/09/2019 14:11

I would not report.
20mins is the time it takes to shower. A 7yr old can manage a younger sibling for twenty minutes.
If it were 2hrs, I’d agree but not 20mins.

CassianAndor · 04/09/2019 14:14

20 minutes for a shower??? Even if I'm washing my hair and shaving my legs, a shower never takes more than 10, and when DD was younger I would do that with the door open.

PMSL at the typical MN suggestion that the OP should dump her own morning to go and babysit.

Sleepyhead19 · 04/09/2019 14:15

You say she’s left the door unlocked but do you think it is any safer to lock it? No, it isn’t as in a real emergency, they need to leave the house. I’m sure she knows those children are safe. She’s giving her husband a lift to save money on transport or parking. They might be struggling.
You don’t know anything about them, at all.
It’s not something I would do, but there is no law on a minimum age to leave your child as long as you feel they cannot come to any harm. Give a mother a break.

HopefulFor2020 · 04/09/2019 14:22

Surely if your friend is a social worker in training and feels this needs reporting they would do it themselves? I have a close family member who works in a similar role (not actually SS but very similar) and I can't even tell them about my nightmare neighbours because they may have to report it if I told them anything concerning. Even if it's hearsay.

There is a chance I've got the wrong end of the stick there and they're just sick of me complaining about my neighbours but it makes sense from a child protection/mandatory reporter view

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 14:26

Hunni nothing touched a nerve with me.

😂😂 "Hunni", Says it all really.

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 14:29

Why you felt the need to @ me and direct your ridiculous post at me was when I turned on you

I didn't @ you. I may have highlited a paragraph of what you said, no idea if it was you but I don't recall @ ing you, until you did it to me.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 04/09/2019 14:31

I'm getting the impression that you want to report them as it doesn't feel right to you - so just do it. Your instincts might be spot-on.

But I also think it would be good to try and get to know your neighbours going forward. Living opposite people for what could be years and not exchanging a word isn't a positive thing. I know all my immediate neighbours and several down the road. We're not all best buddies but we chat and I know children's ages, who's retired, etc.

A PP said that "Neighbourliness is keeping an eye out for the vulnerable - in this case young children."" You've spotted a potential problem, but you're not being neigbourly if you don't even speak to them.

laweaselNW · 04/09/2019 14:32

No one likes a grass. You shouldn't be watching so mind your own business.

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 14:33

Yes I've just checked and I only highlighted what you said so....