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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this family for leaving their young dc home alone?

329 replies

Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 22:21

New family moved in opposite. They're a bit strange. 2 dc age approx 8 or 9 and then another age 3 or 4.
Every morning the DM takes the DP to work at around 6.15 am. Shes gone around 20 mins. Leaves the kids at home, no sign of any lights on so I assume they're in bed and she doesn't want to stir them.
What also makes me nervous is that she doesn't lock the front door. She gets home and just pushes handle down and shes straight in.
Do I keep my nose out or report it?
My close friend has begged me to report however shes a social worker in training!

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 03/09/2019 22:43

Nothing that the OP said in her last post makes a difference to the first scenario, so what's with the drip drip?

Raphael34 · 03/09/2019 22:43

How far away is she going? I’m leaving a 3 and 8 year old alone at home tomorrow for up to 15/20 minutes. My eldest dd is catching a private school bus at 7.15, we were given limited info on the specifics and were just given a time, though were warned the bus may be late due to heavy road works. We’re not exactly sure what the bus looks like, the exact location it stops (was just given a road name), we’re not even sure what side of the road she has to be on. So I’m going with her for the first time to make sure she gets on ok and doesn’t panic. The road is a 45 second walk from where I live. I’m going to wake my 8 year old when I leave and she’ll have her mobile to call me in an emergency, plus both neighbours either side said they’ll be up and she can knock if she needs help. I know my 3 year old will stay asleep the whole time. I don’t want to drag the whole family out of bed at 6am to get ready and walk my dd 45 seconds to the bus stop when the rest of them don’t have to Leave the house for nearly another 2 and a half hours. If one of my neighbours phoned the police about this I’d be pissed. Do you actually know the full circumstances of the situation before you potentially get social services involved in their lives? Do you have any other concerns about the family? You know there’s no legal age on which you can leave a child at home? Nothing can really be done unless they do have an accident

MaryPeary · 03/09/2019 22:44

No, don't report it. You have no reason to believe the children aren't healthy and happy. The parents possibly have a different set of beliefs about risks to you. A few years ago nobody would have turned a hair at this. In many (most?) parts of the world, they still wouldn't. They know their own kids and they can make their own choices.

Original poster
Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 22:44

Thanks everyone. I wont do anything then I just wasn't sure what was correct. My friend was adamant this should be reported but my first instinct was that it was a bit much due to it only being a very short amount of time.

Imagine if the youngest dc did (God forbid) go missing, wander off etc. The uproar about the fact the parents left them alone would be ridiculous. Thinking back to Madeline McCann etc.

Not sure that all of these comments would still be so understanding.

OP posts:
unitednations · 03/09/2019 22:45

@Drogosnextwife

What if they all got in the car and crashed ?
What if , what if .. you can't live your
By what ifs.

emmy1997 · 03/09/2019 22:45

It's not the safest but SS have More pressing issues tbh. I think you need to keep to yourself and not bother them unless the DCs are in actual harms way

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 03/09/2019 22:46

No way would I report. Jesus, what has happened to the concept of being neighbourly? i.e., going and talking to them about it? Or better yet, since you're up to notice so many details and you're sooooo genuinely concerned about the welfare of their children, why not offer to watch them for the 20 mins?

I hate this reporting straight to the authority mentality. Are we living in some police state or something so that we have to report people for the merest infraction? Can communities not regulate/help themselves and each other a bit?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 03/09/2019 22:47

Are you sure they don’t have older children too? I had a 2&4 year old when I moved in here but also a 14 and 21 year old,

neighbours didn’t realise I had the older 2 for nearly a year. I doubt the people across the road could tell me how many dcs I have

user1493759849 · 03/09/2019 22:47

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Original poster
Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 22:48

@QueefLatifah huh... nope no drop feeding here I'm afraid, wrong thread

OP posts:
Spinnaret · 03/09/2019 22:48

What if you take them in the car and have an accident? What about, what about, what about. I am sad for your DP's aunt, but people die in house fires even with an adult present, including adults.

The parents here have made their own risk bases judgement. And OP is curtain twitching so will notice if the house spontaneously combusts. My 9 year old knows how to call me in an emergency. I have just had a conversation with him this evening that I will be out early to take his brother to a school bus and then walking the dog before he wakes up.

Spero · 03/09/2019 22:49

20 minutes? No. This isn't something you should refer.

Etino is right - statistically putting the children in a car is far more dangerous than leaving them in their home for 20 minutes. There is no fixed age which is 'unlawful' to leave children. If the older children are responsible I can see very little risk here.

Derbee · 03/09/2019 22:51

It may not be what the majority of people would be comfortable doing, but the thought of reporting something like this seems ridiculous. It’s unnecessary and overstepping IMO

Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 22:52

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Butchyrestingface · 03/09/2019 22:54

@Hmmmmminteresting

If she indeed doesn’t lock the front door, and leaves the house at more or less the same time every morning, that would make me slightly twitchy.

For much the same reason lone joggers are told to vary their route.

Span1elsRock · 03/09/2019 22:54

I would report them.

Just imagine something happening, and all the neighbours stood saying "well we knew they were doing it but didn't want to interfere"............

Those children have no choice or say in what is happening to them.

formerbabe · 03/09/2019 22:56

I don't agree with what they're doing but I wouldn't report them.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/09/2019 22:56

I don't think this is that bad tbh. Needs must, I'm sure. Luckily they have their neighbour opposite who would spot anything amiss.

Original poster
Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 22:57

@butchyresting that's what makes me a little nervous. We live on quite a big busy street. I sit and do my make up in the window that looks out over the street. They slam the front door as they leave. Slam the 2 car doors as they get in. It's hardly curtain twitching lol. I just worry that others may notice and clock that their are kids in the house alone.
I wont report them now I have opinions, it just made me feel a little uncomfortable

OP posts:
HakunaRattatas · 03/09/2019 22:57

@QueefLatifah have the grace to explain what you mean.

OP I think you are quite right to be concerned sadly. Neglect is neglect however much other people try to dress it up

perplexedagain · 03/09/2019 22:58

Personally I would put a call into social services because the eldest is being left with a very young child and the eldest not be mature enough to deal with any emergency. SS are not going to go in all guns blazing but will make a note of it and it may well help to build up a picture of family life. You have no idea if this family is already known to SS for e.g.

Grompf · 03/09/2019 23:00

As you're already up, why not offer to have your phone number on speed dial for the kids to call if they need help, or make it know then can open the unlocked door and run to you? I'm sure the kids' parents haven't made the decision lightly to leave them alone for 20 mins a day. I was capable (and did) look after my siblings for short periods at a young age as I was very sensible, so it also depends on the child and how mature they are.

Derbee · 03/09/2019 23:02

Jesus Christ, leaving sleeping children for 20 mins is neglect nowadays? I wouldn’t do this, but this is a total over reaction.

OP, presumably as you watch them so much and know their routine, you are well placed to know if the house burns down in the 20 mins and can call 999 on their behalf. So all is good

HakunaRattatas · 03/09/2019 23:02

Why on earth should the op step in? Taking responsibility for other people's children is a major major thing. It is not to be taken lightly

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 03/09/2019 23:02

OP - you asked where in the country it was dark at 7.30 a.m.

Here in Scotland it is - although it's light till very late.

I think you did drip feed - you didn't mention the arguments and police coming out in your first post.

If the police have been to the house they would have reported any concerns to SS - so you do not need to do so yourself.

The neighbour's DH obviously needs to be taken to work by the wife.