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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report this family for leaving their young dc home alone?

329 replies

Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 22:21

New family moved in opposite. They're a bit strange. 2 dc age approx 8 or 9 and then another age 3 or 4.
Every morning the DM takes the DP to work at around 6.15 am. Shes gone around 20 mins. Leaves the kids at home, no sign of any lights on so I assume they're in bed and she doesn't want to stir them.
What also makes me nervous is that she doesn't lock the front door. She gets home and just pushes handle down and shes straight in.
Do I keep my nose out or report it?
My close friend has begged me to report however shes a social worker in training!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 04/09/2019 09:55

I thought police being called out to domestic incidences automatically triggered a referral to social services.

Hmmmbop · 04/09/2019 11:03

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser

Everything you say is absolutely correct. Only a professional can make that judgement but professionals rely on reports.

If the police have been called they've probably notified SS of the call out but they won't know the kids are being left alone on a regular basis.

AMAM8916 · 04/09/2019 11:41

Social services aren't going to go round to the house at 6 in the morning so they likely have no idea this is happening. Since when do children ALWAYS stay asleep in their beds? Pretty novel to me that they do, especially younger one's. All it would take is for one of the younger one's to get out of their bed and go looking for their parents, not find them then walk right out the door! I don't even leave my door unlocked when I'm in the house and my 2 year old is going about because all it would take is for me to go to the toilet and he might walk right out the door. Why on earth would anyone leave the house for 20 minutes with the door unlocked for anyone to walk in or out. Also, what if the parents crashed the car, would anyone know the kids were in the house alone? Lets face it, the father can't even get up 20 minutes earlier to get a bus to work so the priorities here aren't great. I recently saw on Facebook, someone that I know was dropping her husband to work (with the kids in tow, yes some people can be bothered putting a jacket and shoes on their kids and taking them along) and she arrived back to the house on fire. What if she had left the kids in the house? I dread to think. An 8 year old isn't old enough to be in charge of other kids. Sure an 8 year old could probably be left alone for 10 minutes or so while a parent nipped to the neighbours house to get something or nipped to the shop on foot but to drive I assume a couple of miles away in a car and leave the kids at the ages they are is wrong. And to the poster slating 'English' people, I'm not English, I'm Scottish and shaming us for having good child safety measures is shocking. Where are you from exactly where there's been no child deaths or accidents where all these kids are left alone with other siblings from 6? Show us your reports where this is the case and there's been no accidents? I don't even need to look to find that absolute rubbish.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 04/09/2019 12:01

If they are having the police turning up there are clearly issues in the family so social services may be able to help the situation

The police raise safeguarding alerts with the local authority if they are called to a house for domestic disturbances where children are present.

So the family may well already be known to SS anyway.

CTRL · 04/09/2019 12:07

I personally would keep my nose out of it.

It’s a shame but it could possibly be the only way the family are able to make ends meet.

Back in the day my mum had to leave my brother and I home for about half hour everyday while she was studying to get her masters.
I’m sure it killed her everyday but it’s called survival and unfortunately things were difficault and she had to do it so she was able to complete her course and provide a better life for her family.

Unless it’s affecting you personally I would butt out.

And since you have so much free time to watch the house; why don’t you offer to watch the children for the time she’s out ??

Oddgirlout · 04/09/2019 12:14

My apologies if this has already been mentioned. Further to pp saying at their safeguarding training they are told to report it and let qualified people make a decision, I was also taught that you never know the full situation. If school have small concerns, and do does the GP and nobody says anything because it's seemingly too small then nobody joins the dots. I don't think social services will tell your neighbours who it was that reported you. I think you should report it if you're worried.

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 12:34

And since you have so much free time to watch the house; why don’t you offer to watch the children for the time she’s out ??

Ah yes OP, you go and leave your own children hom alone, don't get ready for your own work and go over to someone else's house and look after their children for them because they can't be arsed to look after them properly. The usual shite trotted out on MN.

IWantMyHatBack · 04/09/2019 12:39

If your friend is aware of the situation, and she's adamant you should report it, then I expect she will before much longer anyway. Could be argued that it's neglect. She would have a

PumpkinP · 04/09/2019 12:41

I wouldn’t report it.

I left my 8 year old home alone as she had chicken pox and I had to drop 2 other children to school. I’m a single parent and have no help so it was either they all don’t go or leave her for 20 mins, my son told the school and they reported me to ss, I told them I didn’t and that was that. I wasn’t going to admit to it and I expect I will be flamed for that but I didn’t see what other choice I had, it was either keep them all off then I will get told I’m wrong for doing that. Ss did call me to discuss it. So there is nothing stopping them from just denying it anyway.

PumpkinP · 04/09/2019 12:44

I thought police being called out to domestic incidences automatically triggered a referral to social services.

They should but they don’t always refer it.

AMAM8916 · 04/09/2019 12:47

This is a situation where it's happening everyday though Pumpkin, not a one off as you did and you left an 8 year old alone, not with other young kids to watch. The father could get a bus, walk or have someone else take him but the family are making a choice to leave the kids alone for convenience only, not in emergencies now and then. That is not the same as what you did at all

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 04/09/2019 12:50

I left my 8 year old home alone as she had chicken pox and I had to drop 2 other children to school. I’m a single parent and have no help so it was either they all don’t go or leave her for 20 mins

I've done similar for similar reasons. As a one off, it's just one of those judgement calls that we make. There is no legal age for children to be left alone - you are allowed to use your own judgement as you know your child.

It's slightly different though when it's a regular pattern. And it's also a bit different when a child that age is left to supervise much younger children.

I also wouldn't flame you for denying it happened but even if you had told them and explained the circumstances, they'd do little more than say, "not ideal, don't do it again." It wouldn't meet the threshold for any level of intervention.

PumpkinP · 04/09/2019 12:51

That’s the thing it was a one off and I don’t usually do it which is why I denied it as I knew it could cause a lot of problems. I really don’t understand why the mum is taking the dad to work.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 04/09/2019 12:53

Unless it’s affecting you personally I would butt out.

I would just like to respond to this and say that it's this kind of attitude that means many children are experiencing terrible childhoods. They rely on everyone to support them.

If this family are struggling, in whatever way, there are support systems in place to help them - if they are required.

It's not about reporting them so that they get into trouble or are punished somehow. It's about making sure that children are safe.

Children don't have a voice. Adults do.

Baguetteaboutit · 04/09/2019 12:53

I've also left a poorly 8yo at home to save them being dragged out for the school run. Surely that doesn't meet a ss threshold?

Baguetteaboutit · 04/09/2019 12:55

I really don’t understand why the mum is taking the dad to work.

He may be banned from driving, he may have been priced out by an insurance hike, she may need the family car for later in the day.

CassianAndor · 04/09/2019 12:56

I don't underdstand why the dad can't get to work under his own steam, but perhaps there's a disability we don't know about. If it;'s 10 mins there and 10 mins back in the car, that's easily walkable or cycleable..

CTRL · 04/09/2019 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MerryMarigold · 04/09/2019 12:57

I think it's fine. They are both asleep. If the younger should wake, I'm sure the 9yo would be able to say "Mummy, is coming back soon." This family probably rely on the income that Dad earns to eat, which is more important. Plus the children getting enough sleep and not being woken unnecessarily. Plenty of children die in fires with parents in the house. There is very little risk of a fire starting from scratch within 20 mins.

The only concerning thing is the door. I would maybe speak to the parents that you noticed they leave the door unlocked so maybe others could have noticed too. They could lock it and leave the 9yo with a key IF they ever needed to get out.

G5000 · 04/09/2019 13:13
  • the 4 year old is not home alone. 4 is not a baby or a toddler, so the guildelines about not leaving babies alone are not relevant. I have one of them and it has not occurred to me that I have to keep all doors locked at all times, as she might otherwise randomly escape.
  • a 9 year old would probably know some neighbours and would know how to call friends or grandparents, if mum is really in a car accident and does not come back. Do you all still have nannies for your 9 year olds then? Where I live, 5-6 year olds are expected to make their own way to school and back, certainly more challenging than being in your own house for 20 min.

I would happily leave mine if they were that age for 20 min, and if any neighbours had issues (luckily mine wouldn't), I would expect that they discuss them with me, unless they want to permanently fuck up the relationship.

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 04/09/2019 13:25

OP, you've read the NSPCC Guidance, which makes it clear that this scenario is not ok.

Your friend who works in this field has told you that this is not ok.

You really don't need the advice of people on here, some of whom would happily do the same.

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 13:28

@CTRL

*What do you suggest then ?

Pathetic mumsnet warrior*

😂😂😂 Probably not a free babysitting service from the OP because her neighbours can't parent properly. Wait... Are you the neighbour CTRL?

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 13:30

I would expect that they discuss them with me, unless they want to permanently fuck up the relationship

If they were concerned enough about your children to report you to social services, I doubt they would be caring if they "fucked up the relationship" with you.

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 13:33

Unless it’s affecting you personally I would butt out.

This is a ridiculous thing to say.

AMAM8916 · 04/09/2019 13:35

G500 yeah because all the neighbours are going to be wide awake at 6 in the morning ready to answer the door to a 9 year old saying the house is on fire? Do you go to bed at night and leave your door unlocked? Because it's the same thing. The 9 year old could still be fast asleep and the 4 year old walk right out the door. Also, you've conveniently changed the ages! The OP said more like 7 or 8 for the oldest and 2 or 3 for the youngest! So tell me, did you leave your front door open in the night/early morning when your child was 2 or 3? And furthermore, leave the house without them? The fact you say 'happily' shows how ignorant you are. You'd 'happily' leave your kids alone at such a young age. Anyone that 'happily' does it and not for good reasons is a moron

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