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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

wedding - issues with date

158 replies

Hopingtobeamum · 03/09/2019 17:53

My DH2B are getting married on 21 Dec this year, we went out to everyone we knew we wanted there about a month ago and polled them to see whether that date would work (bearing in mind it's close to Xmas).
We have our heart set on this date having wanted a Xmas wedding, also timing wise it works really well for us due to work schedules and allowing us to get away for a honeymoon soon after. DH2B is a contractor so no work = no pay and he's scheduled to be off over Xmas as company closes down.
The majority of people who were on our 'must attend' list accepted, which we were really happy about, my DS accepted but now can't attend as she works in Retail and her boss won't permit the 1 day holiday required.
Fast foward 3 weeks and I've been called a "fat C7nt" and told to "F off" by DS. Also advised that BIL wont attend alone with my young niece (so she can be flower girl) as he doesn't want to travel all that way on his own with her (wedding is 5 hours drive from their house).

My parents are also joining in on the act and told me Father wont give me away and have cancelled an invite to stay with them later this month.
I'm being bullied into changing the date to a date that suits them and have had all manner of text abuse from them (DS, Mum + Stepdad). It's made me feel awful and has put a dampner on the whole thing.
My sister was married 3 years ago, I wasn't included in any of the wedding, aside from being a guest, sister ignored me at her hen do and wedding (despite me flying 8 hours to get to both events) and didn't want me to be a bridesmaid (note I asked her to be my maid of honour).
AIBU? I'm trying to include my family but am just getting nasty messages.
I've now offered to use the money we were going to spend on honeymoon to put towards a small 2nd wedding so sister and her family can attend.
Feel like I'm trying to accommodate but getting little back

OP posts:
SewingWarriorQueen76 · 03/09/2019 18:20

It's your, not their wedding. I'd tell them "Thanks for the RSVP" and rise above it.

Purpleartichoke · 03/09/2019 18:20

Normally I would say that if you care about certain people attending, you should be sure to pick a date they can attend.
You didn’t really do that since you have a fixed date.

But the over the top reaction is bizarre. I’d be inclined to just not invite any of them.

Fannybaws52 · 03/09/2019 18:21

The issue isnt your date. Its your nasty, cunty family.

Uninvite them. They are showing you how much you mean to them. Go ahead with you dream day and ignore them.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/09/2019 18:24

Just stand firm, how bloody dare they speak so awfully to you.

Just message short and sweet

"Thank you for letting me know you won't be able to attend. Invites go out X date, so should you change your mind in the meantime, just let me know. Have a nice weekend x"

Keep it breezy, keep it dignified, and then if you get any more nastiness just block their numbers.

TheWernethWife · 03/09/2019 18:25

Atalune Ha ha, RAF (rough as fuck)

MolyHolyGuacamole · 03/09/2019 18:27

What is DH2B? Mumsnet is so ridiculous with all the abbreviations

Horatioroses · 03/09/2019 18:32

I could tell you, holymoly, but since you were rude about mumsnet..🤷🏻‍♀️

InterestingView · 03/09/2019 18:33

Just go off on your own and get married. Your family all sound like complete twats. You deserve better!

Onlythelonelywelcome · 03/09/2019 18:34

You shouldn’t have polled them.
Just book it and invite people.

mumwon · 03/09/2019 18:35

@MolyHolyGuacamole aha if you want to be in our coven you have to use the pass words {grin]

ShirleyPhallus · 03/09/2019 18:36

Mumsnet is so ridiculous with all the abbreviations

Agreed! It’s dear husband to be

Not sure why the sister is called dear sister when she called the OP a cunt but that’s a separate thread

Op, agree with everyone else, they sound awful, just stick to your guns and have it when you want

Hoppinggreen · 03/09/2019 18:37

Stop being such a doormat
I wouldn’t want such awful people at my wedding at at, let alone change the day to suit them

NearlyGranny · 03/09/2019 18:38

What is it about weddings that brings out the worst in people?!

You consulted everyone about the date and they were happy then: go ahead and be happy yourselves, with or without them!

MolyHolyGuacamole · 03/09/2019 18:38

Thought it meant husbands 2 brothers but that didn't make sense, then thought it was second husband's brother Confused

Actionhasmagic · 03/09/2019 18:39

If she was so mean to you on her wedding and hen why did you want her as your maid of honour? They sound really mean - are they ever nice?

Tighnabruaich · 03/09/2019 18:41

Do you really want them there when they are so horrible to you?

Have the wedding YOU want and don't give in to their demands and arm-twisting.

You'll have a far more relaxed lead-up and day itself without all this hassle.

Hopingtobeamum · 03/09/2019 18:42

apologies I meant Dsis not DS.
I totally understand working in retail why dsis can’t get time off hence trying to work around it.
The only back story is my mum stepdads and dsis don’t approve of my choice of husband. He’s got his faults but as we all do and we want to get married.
Fast forward and now mum and stepdad have decided the date doesn’t work for them but won’t tell me why. They’re ignoring my calls and messages.
I really don’t know what to do for the best

OP posts:
MrsMc2019 · 03/09/2019 18:43

@Hopingtobeamum stick to your guns, have the wedding you want.

Personally I think a Christmas wedding is a beautiful idea, my parents married on Christmas Eve in 1977 x

Sl33py · 03/09/2019 18:45

It is selfish to get married the Saturday before Xmas.

It’s a time for family’s with small children to see Santa and do chirstmassy things.

You are getting married 5 hours away from your sister which means they will need accommodation. Which is expensive especially so near to Christmas.

Your wedding could be costing them unnecessary expense so near to Christmas when they have a young child.

Your sister has been harsh in their words but I think you are being selfish

butterflywings37 · 03/09/2019 18:46

It's your wedding, get married when you like and ignore them.

I had a Christmas wedding - it was lovely. They clearly are not showing you any consideration so do not show them any.

wonkylegs · 03/09/2019 18:51

Don't fawn over them, if they can't behave like decent human beings then I wouldn't bend over backwards to accommodate them as they will just continue to take the piss.
My family were behaving like idiots on the run up to my wedding and threatened to ruin the whole day and in the end The day before I just said sod it, if you can't behave like grown ups then don't bother coming - they then decided to behave and on the day were like different people (my friends who knew the issues couldn't believe it and some thought I must have exaggerated their behaviour as they were so charming)
If they had asked nicely, asked was there anything that could be done etc it might be different but rudeness is not called for.
I know they are family but that doesn't excuse awful behaviour....
Don't let them ruin your day, if you have to, have it without them, and enjoy the friends and family who are able to be pleasant

ShirleyPhallus · 03/09/2019 18:51

It is selfish to get married the Saturday before Xmas.

Then don’t go! It’s not a court summons!

JuneBuggy · 03/09/2019 18:56

Don’t change your date - they sound like entitled arsehole who clearly aren’t considering your feelings. Also, don’t think I’d want anyone who called me a “fat cunt” to be there at all!

Stick to your guns, have an amazing wedding with those who truly matter Smile

Ginger1982 · 03/09/2019 18:57

I think if the date is important to you then do it. Your family sound batshit for the sudden change of heart and rude messages but you have to accept that marrying 5 hours away the Saturday before Christmas is going to cause problems for people, not least of all the expense of accommodation.

VladTheImp · 03/09/2019 18:57

Just tell them it’s cancelled and you’ll rebook early next for summer some time.
Then go ahead and get married on the 21st anyhow.
Enjoy your day without them, sounds like it will be more fun.

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