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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if anyone trusts their DH/DP any more?

139 replies

drspouse · 03/09/2019 15:42

"They all watch porn" "you're fooling yourself if you think they don't" "check his phone when he's asleep" "what, going out for a drink with a female colleague? in the gym? Must be cheating".

Does nobody actually, you know, trust your DH or DP these days?

Or has it always been like this and I'm in blissful ignorance?

I'm just not really sure why people marry/get together with their OH if they don't trust them to behave like an actual adult who knows how to tell the truth and not objectify women?

And yes, I've had my share of wastes of space (though more often been single instead) but I wouldn't be with someone I didn't trust.

OP posts:

adaline · 04/09/2019 11:55

I trust him.

But people don't tend to post about the husbands they trust, so forums like this always give a skewed view of things.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/09/2019 12:06

I trust him.

But people don't tend to post about the husbands they trust, so forums like this always give a skewed view of things.

Exactly, it's a bit distasteful for people to be acting all smug and judgemental on the women who post on these boards looking for advice and help. I trust my DH too, he's never given me a reason not, I hope that would never change, right now I seriously doubt it will but I'm not naive enough to think that that could never ever change.

Posters on here are making out that if a woman is suspicious of her DHs behaviour it's her fault for either being an insecure man hater or for not being as amazing at them at picking the right person......because obviously people never change over time..ever

Original poster

drspouse · 04/09/2019 12:16

it's a bit distasteful for people to be acting all smug and judgemental on the women who post on these boards looking for advice and help

It's not so much the ones looking for advice and help (My DH is going away with work next week, should I trust him?) as the ones who give "advice" (no way, check his phone, put a tracker on it, where's his passport?)

OP posts:

Drabarni · 04/09/2019 12:21

OP, you must have known some terrible men in your time. Have you considered counselling as to why you seem to attract them?

Original poster

drspouse · 04/09/2019 13:13

OP, you must have known some terrible men in your time.

What? How are you getting this from my posts?
Rather the contrary, generally I have known relatively nice men, or at least trustworthy enough that I don't generalise men as untrustworthy without proof.
It's the other posters on MN who seem to have a wide range of poor experiences.

OP posts:

Original poster

drspouse · 04/09/2019 13:14

Mind you, that is classic MN.

OP: I've noticed X, has anyone else noticed this?
Other posters: Yes I have, no I haven't, interesting question.
Subsequent poster: OP, have you considered counselling as this is clearly your issue.

OP posts:

Drabarni · 04/09/2019 13:30

whoops, sorry OP, my fault.
I have been reading, just confused with other thread.
It's may age and dc back at school apologies, again.

BillywilliamV · 04/09/2019 13:32

Absolutely, to the end of the earth and beyond.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/09/2019 13:32

Fair enough however the Op would clearly be worried for a reason so are those comments more or less helpful then the ones who say "Oh well I trust my DH no matter what, stop being paranoid" ?

Original poster

drspouse · 04/09/2019 13:47

No, but a) it surprises me that the "don't trust him an inch" responses are so overwhelming and b) there is also the "let's look at this rationally and behave in a mature manner" middle ground.

OP posts:

AryaStarkWolf · 04/09/2019 13:51

No, but a) it surprises me that the "don't trust him an inch" responses are so overwhelming and b) there is also the "let's look at this rationally and behave in a mature manner" middle ground.

mmmm I guess so, it's always hard to give proper advice I think anyway on boards like this when you don't know the people involved and are getting just one side of the coin. I usually just go with the feeling of if a person is posting about it on a forum they must have some sort of genuine basis to be suspicious

Bubbletrouble43 · 04/09/2019 13:58

I trust mine as far as other women and I know for a fact he doesn't watch porn, not because I spy on him but because of the things he says. I don't know where this idea " they all watch porn" comes from... my brother also doesn't and thinks it's vile, he speaks out about it regularly and always has done. I don't trust my partner to remember to brush the kids teeth/ put the bins out/ pay the electricity bill though 😁

Mandraki · 04/09/2019 14:57

I trust mine because I know him. He's a good man, a terrible liar (not that he lies but on the odd occasion he's tried to tell a porky to his mum or someone), and he works 5 minutes up the road so I don't know when he'd get chance to cheat. I also take the view that if he wanted to cheat on me, if he could find the time to meet someone else and do so, then go for it hun, as soon as I found out I and our daughter would be gone, so be my guest. He isn't like that though, he's very loyal. We are honest and open with each other, I know he finds other women attractive as do I, and that's ok. I know there are not so trustworthy men out there because I've met them, but this one is a good one.

Mandraki · 04/09/2019 14:58

Also, I know he watches porn occasionally, not specifically the wheres and whens but its come up in conversation. I have no problem with porn in this case, I would be a hypocrite if I did.

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