To ask if anyone trusts their DH/DP any more?

[drspouse]

"They all watch porn" "you're fooling yourself if you think they don't" "check his phone when he's asleep" "what, going out for a drink with a female colleague? in the gym? Must be cheating".

Does nobody actually, you know, trust your DH or DP these days?

Or has it always been like this and I'm in blissful ignorance?

I'm just not really sure why people marry/get together with their OH if they don't trust them to behave like an actual adult who knows how to tell the truth and not objectify women?

And yes, I've had my share of wastes of space (though more often been single instead) but I wouldn't be with someone I didn't trust.

Yep I trust mine. He has a female friend at work, she comes over when we have barbecues etc, she's lovely. I'm probably better friends with his (female) ex secretary than he is now.

I haven't had a reason not to trust him. But then my mum used to tell me relationships don't work for 2 reasons, money or sex. We try and make sure we have enough of both, that helps I think...

I have no reason not to trust mine. If that changes I’ll let him know.

I trusted my DH implicitly for 24 years. Never checked his phone, no problems with female friends.

Until he gave me reason to be suspicious. Would never have thought he was the type to cheat but he did. Don't think I can ever trust ever again.

I don't trust my dh completely. But, he had an emotional affair 4 months after I mc'd our baby at 13 weeks. I found out a couple of days after I found that I was pg again, which is the only reason I took him back. We had several months of councilling in order to work things out. Im glad we did, glad we worked through it and, in many ways, it is a better relationship. However, I will never fully trust him again. The flip side is he can never hurt me as much again.

TheMobileSite

We have something similar, when we met we discussed monogamy and the fear one of us might cheat.
We decided not to put any restrictions on each other, it's been 30 years of bliss.
Both coming close to being with other people but not wanting to when it actually came down to it. So we both trust one another 100% as neither would need to cheat.
It makes other aspects of your relationship good too.
Works for us.

I trust my DH
My mindset is that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it if he decides to cheat. It’s his loss if he does. So why worry?

I've always had complete faith in my DH - and he in me. We don't play games, respect each other and are both sometimes a little too honest for our own good! There isn't anything I couldn't tell him, but we've also been married 26 years and some of those early years were really really tough to get through. We have a rock solid foundation.

I wouldn't tolerate a lot of the behaviour women write threads about on here. I find it quite sad that some people think so little of themselves really.

I trust DH.

I definitely wouldn't pry into his most personal and private habits so I can disapprove, I actually think that would tend to suggest the opposite of trust, and I have no doubt he could cheat if he wanted to, I just believe him to be a decent enough person not to.

@Cheeseandwin5 huh? I’m not being sexist. The question was in relation to a DH. I suggested that many of the women who jump on the ‘he’s a cheat’ bandwagon have probably unfortunately had first hand experience of being cheated on by horrid partners in the past. I imagine that it can make you suspicious once that’s happened to you, not to mention giving you a low opinion of the male sex in general.

I trust mine and I dont trust anyone else in the world
I find him annoying though
If there is any breach of trust, then I dont think I would again.
Surprised at the voting results...

I trust mine but I’m not naive enough to think things don’t change and people don’t make mistakes or whatever. Mine tells me he doesn’t watch porn, I’m pretty certain it’s untrue but I just don’t really care if it is or isn’t tbh.

I trusted my ex and he trusted me, then we had a miscarriage and both had affairs. Shit happens

I do. I have access to all his tech, he has access to mine. We have sex regularly and he doesn’t watch porn. I’m sure he notices other attractive women but out of the two of us I’m the worst for looking at fit men.

I trust mine , yes we row , but we spend a ĺot of time together. He is not techie ( does my head in when I have to sort out his basic mobile)
I could say more but am afraid of a certain paper online .

I did but then I found out he was being untrustworthy behind my back

I trust my husband entirely. I know he would lay down his life for me, he’d do everything in his power to provide for me. He puts my needs and wishes above his own. The only thing that could ever usurp my absolute centricity of his universe is the dog.

The OP seems to be implying in the question that something has shifted in society which makes trust between harder and I think the premise of the question is wrong.

The answers will be defined by the respondent's experience. Those respondents whose husbands/partners haven't had affairs (or whose affairs have yet to be uncovered) are all going to say "oh yes I trust him, aren't women who don't trust their husbands cynical."

Those who have been cheated on say "I will never trust a man."

The suggestion that trust is inherently harder today slightly misses the point. You aren't more or less likely to trust your spouse due to something external to you or something to do with society.

Trust is binary, you have it or you don't. Nothing to do with "man hating" or a greater capacity to check phones or anything like that. Its to do with how you feel about the main person in your life and how you feel about them is directly related to the way they've treated you.

I've with my other half for 8 blissfully happy years and trust him 100%. There are mamy people on here who settle for less and then think all men are the same when they are not.

Even if men do watch porn, then so what? I dont see how that is an issue. I dont know if my partner watches porn and i dont care either. Makes no difference to me :)

@Beaverdam and that's fine if those are your boundaries. It's when one partner explicitly states it's a deal breaker yet they do it behind your back it's a problem imo

Married 23 yrs.100%.

I disagree @thepeopleversuswork
Cheating is so much easier and can be as anonymous as possible with modern technology and apps

I trust mine but I’m not naive enough to think things don’t change and people don’t make mistakes or whatever. Mine tells me he doesn’t watch porn, I’m pretty certain it’s untrue but I just don’t really care if it is or isn’t tbh

How can you trust someone who lies to you though? Whether you care or not, he's still a liar.

People can also get such a superficial quick hit from sexting and it's so damn easy it's ridiculous the amount of men who try to contact me on social media if I was that way inclined I could be having my fill as often as I wanted

I think some people who've got burned think that every man is the same and assume everything is lying/unfaithfulness/abusiveness etc

I don't know if my husband has cheated but I know of so many married men who either have or are willing to it gives me zero faith whatsoever

I trust mine, but I would think carefully if his behaviour seemed odd in any way.

I think it seems like women on mumsnet don't trust men because of the reactions they give to women who are suspicious. I think that just comes from bad experiences and the knowledge that when a woman is concerned enough to start posting on here her gut feeling is likely accurate.