To continue working and send my dd to state school?

[Nostealthboast]

So before the lambasting and the posts come out in force I just want to begin my saying this isn’t a stealth boast, hence the name change, I’m just after some advice as I can’t really talk to anymore irl at the moment.

Parent died recently, it was very sudden and unexpected. Self employed with a large property portfolio and multiple businesses. Had the will read and me and my siblings are the beneficiaries. Since the death we’ve discovered our beneficial interest is substantial, parent had independent wealth but had also recently been the beneficiary of someone else’s will.

Total value is approx £10m split between 3. This is a life changing amount and I’m still so grief stricken I’m not sure i’m thinking straight but I fully intend on returning to work (currently on mat leave). My other parent thinks I’m being selfish and ridiculous but I love my career, it’s a massive part of who I am.

DD will have suitable childcare whilst I’m in work but I’ve been having discussions about state school vs private school. Where we live State schools are v good and I am vehemently oppose to private education, I’ve been labelled selfish but am I?

A few people close to me know about the windfall and have asked am I going to move, switch out my car etc. and I feel a bit pissed off if I’m honest because I miss my parent more than words can describe and tbh I’m not mentally in a place where I can even begin to think about spending my parents hard earned cash. It feels wrong.

Has anyone been in a similar position where they’ve had unexpected inheritance?

No, I’d be lucky to inherit £10, in fact I’ll probably inherit debt!

If you have a good relationship with your parents I can imagine it’s hard, but money talks...hence why people are putting in their 10 pence worth of what you should do with it.

Don’t worry about what others say and think...your not here to please them.

Bank the money and carry on as normal until you feel able to make plans. Of course you arent in the best place to make decisions. Sorry for your loss.

I wouldn't make any drastic changes right away. Have a long think about what would make a difference long term - dropping to 4 days, using a nanny rather than a nursery, looking at private for secondary, paying off the mortgage.

Op I am so sorry - recently lost both of mine and it is just tough.
Re the inheritance - it will take a while for probate to be granted/properties or businesses to be etc. That gives you some breathing space to let things sink in.
FWIW if I had that amount in a job I loved I would do exactly what you are thinking of doing. I too would not hesitate to use state school.
The reality is that your new wealth will be able to make a lot of things easier for you. It can all be revisited as and when. No need to commit now to a life long plan !
Good luck and sorry again you’re going through tough time.

Op sorry for your loss.

Carry on for now as you would have done to give yourself time to grief and make decisions later on. But your daughter should stay in state school if they are good. Don't let people sway you from your deeply held beliefs.

Don't discuss it with anyone if you don't want to, just say that you need time to grief and in the case of your other parent, they may just be feeling grief in their own way so say let's come back to this in a few months time.

If even then you don't want to then just let them know.

The only thing you need to do is make sure it is being held secure and among institutions where the bank guarantee comes into play or in some other secure way.

I haven't been in the same position but I think the biggest thing is to take your time making these decisions. I am sure all of this is a huge shock. You need time to figure out what your priorities are for both your money but also the life you want to live.

We could easily afford private schools but my kids will be at least doing primary in state schools. Lots of reasons but I am very happy with our choice. The bigger school means more opportunity to make friends and opportunities to mix with a wider variety of people.

As for work, when you say other parent, do you mean partner or your parent who is still alive? I find the older generation can have rather outdated views about childcare. Your daughter will do best with a mother who is happy with her choices. Don't let other people judge you into making the wrong decisions for you and your family.

I dont think you are mad at all. Work is a huge part of our identity. Some v rich people carry on working. Some v well off people send their kids to state schools. Personally I think it's a good thing to understand how people live.
And when you consider the people whose lives fell apart after winning the lottery...

(We inherited debt so you are lucky and you are still grieving. I'm sure you'd rather have your person than the money.)

Sorry for your loss, OP
Re state schools, I always chose them for my DD, she had a great, rounded education and got into a top uni.

I would never have sent her to a private school even if I'd won the lottery.
Stick to your principles I reckon

The money will give you choices in life, and that's always good. I agree with everyone else, wait and see. Bide your time and see what you want to do. If you want to continue to work or whatever then of course that's fine.

Hi OP
It's a lot to process. Life changing both losing a parent and experiencing a substantial inheritance. As pp have said I would just deal with your grief and sit on it for while. Then get expert advice on investments etc. Keep your job, home and school as it is, until you want a change. Don't rush anything and don't discuss it any further until you're ready.
Sorry for you loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I don't think you should put any pressure on yourself to make any decisions right now. It can wait until you have had more time to process your grief.

Personally I don't think there is anything at all wrong with your continuing to work and sending your DD to state school and I totally understand your reasons even if it's not what I would do.

Anybody talking about nice new houses and cars can sod off and mind their own business. This isn't the same as a lottery win and that sort of talk isn't really appropriate when it's an inheritance from a close family member.

Never give up your job. If you've got the kind of brain that needs to be stuck into something and a job you love, you will be unhappy. Which I'm sure is the last thing your parent wanted.

Sorry for your loss. As PP have said sit on it for a while and don't make any rash decisions.

It is selfish to deny your child a top notch education (public schools in Britain are genuinely very good) because of your political beliefs. Your belief is also pretty stupid. There is no rational reason to oppose independently funded education. It’s great that at least some people get a good education (it’s shame that not all do but not using private schools will only make the situation worse not better) and it’s also good in that it results in savings to tax payers/more money per student in the state sector (depending on how funding is given).

I think you need to take your time to decide. Surely just carry on as you are, wait for the will to be settled (if there are multiple companies and properties this will take a while). When everything is finalized make your own mind up. You don't need to discuss with anyone other than your partner about your decisions on what you do with the money. I think by spreading your good fortune around (you mention "a few people close to me") you run the risk of them being jealous, having their own opinions etc etc. Just keep your own counsel, don't discuss it with friends, do your own thing.

Not mad at all.

The best thing about money is that it gives you options if you need them.

So you can keep working knowing that if at some point it gets too stressful trying to juggle, you have a way out.

You can choose state school knowing that if for some reason your DC don’t thrive there, you can look at private.

If you don’t ever have these issues and don’t need the money for these things then you can save it for if anyone ever needs expensive medical or old age care, etc. And in the meantime use a little of it to make life just a little easier all round.

Sorry for your loss - money can’t make up for that.

Sorry for your loss, OP. I'd bank the money (maybe speak to a financial advisor for some low risk investing) and make decisions as and when you feel able, but also when they come around.

For example, some children do spectacularly in any school, some need the extra help and attention that private schools provide and some find that extra attention is not good for them.

Both my sister and I went to private school, and whilst I was the type of child that did well anywhere (I was in a state school most of my life, but I liked school and worked hard) she really struggled because she had additional needs and the particular school she went to made her feel really inadequate. - What I'm saying is - it's going to depend on DC as to whether private school is the best thing for them or not, so bank the money and make that decision when it comes to it. The same for work - if you want to go back to work because you enjoy it - go back - but enjoy the freedom that the money will give you to make decisions about working part time/leaving work etc.

I think you're very sensible. Send your child to the school you think is the best fit, keep working if you want to, and put the money away to be used as and when you want.

Thanks for the words of kindness. It’s basically my mum being judgemental. My DP is supportive of my choices but has started pressuring me to get the ball moving to realise some ££ but I’m just not ready and we both have well paid jobs so it’s not like we need the money. And yes to other posters it is bloody inappropriate right now to be spending my dads hard earned cash. I feel it’s so crass.

It’s good to hear eat so many DC have thrived at state schools and it’s as it should be. It’s what I want for my Dd whatever my financial situation.

I know I’m lucky, on the money front but I’d trade it in to have my dad with us. He was mid fifties!

You don't need to think about this right now.

Get the money tucked away safely. Grieve, finish your mat leave, go back to work and - only when you're ready - start thinking about what you want from life and if money can help facilitate that.

My DD goes to private school and I'd send her to state in a heartbeat if they weren't terrible here. And not just to save the cash! But the decision really doesn't need to be made now. If she's not in school for a year or two you could always get her on a waiting list then decide when the time comes.

Something to bear in mind - will you be having more DC? Because if you pay for one, you really need to pay for the others -and they get more expensive as they move up the school years.

boggle not everyone thinks that way. My parents didn’t send me to private school due to strongly held principles and I didn’t care one jot at the time and came to love and respect them very deeply for it later. Principles schminciples, eh ?
Anyway op is free to do what she wants. When she’s ready. And can reassess as and when if need be.

Something someone very wise said to my mother when she'd lost her husband, was don't make any major decisions or life changes for at least a year.

I'd bank the money, get financial advise, and carry on as per, for now.

And I'm so sorry for your loss. I still feel the loss of my Dad keenly, even though it's been over twenty years.

(Oh, and I'd be telling DP to back off and all. . .)

@BogglesGoggles - why am I selfish to send her to a school rated as outstanding/excellent that is state funded? I could turn it around and say that parents that send their DC to private schools are perpetuating the ever growing class divide and are contributing to child poverty as funds are diverted to Grammar schools and other sectors that are equally as underfunded. I am a by-product of state schooling in a hugely deprived area. I earn 6 figures, I’m doing ok for a poor state schooled kid.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Stick with state school and stay in your job. It sounds like that is who you are and what will make you happy.

Plenty of money for a lovely new house, extra activities and holidays when you feel ready.

Of course being suddenly rich doesn't mean you should automatically consider private education.

If you are going to go on lots of expensive holidays and buy a big house and buy lots of 'stuff' then maybe your dcs will feel happier socially at private school.