To continue working and send my dd to state school?

[Nostealthboast]

So before the lambasting and the posts come out in force I just want to begin my saying this isn’t a stealth boast, hence the name change, I’m just after some advice as I can’t really talk to anymore irl at the moment.

Parent died recently, it was very sudden and unexpected. Self employed with a large property portfolio and multiple businesses. Had the will read and me and my siblings are the beneficiaries. Since the death we’ve discovered our beneficial interest is substantial, parent had independent wealth but had also recently been the beneficiary of someone else’s will.

Total value is approx £10m split between 3. This is a life changing amount and I’m still so grief stricken I’m not sure i’m thinking straight but I fully intend on returning to work (currently on mat leave). My other parent thinks I’m being selfish and ridiculous but I love my career, it’s a massive part of who I am.

DD will have suitable childcare whilst I’m in work but I’ve been having discussions about state school vs private school. Where we live State schools are v good and I am vehemently oppose to private education, I’ve been labelled selfish but am I?

A few people close to me know about the windfall and have asked am I going to move, switch out my car etc. and I feel a bit pissed off if I’m honest because I miss my parent more than words can describe and tbh I’m not mentally in a place where I can even begin to think about spending my parents hard earned cash. It feels wrong.

Has anyone been in a similar position where they’ve had unexpected inheritance?

Isn't there some advice that you should wait at least a year before making substantial decisions with inheritance? If you can find this from a bereavement charity, it is something you can cite without discussing your personal situation. If you are pregnant with your first, the transition to motherhood is another big change. It seems sensible to leave it until you are ready. This won't necessarily match with your mum or partner being ready.

I'm so sorry about the sudden death of your parent, you must be devastated and have millions of thoughts racing around your head right now .

Of course you don't need to spend your inheritance on private education. That's not selfish. I'm surprised you had to ask.

Fwiw I doubt I would have done either - I am not a fan of private schooling, never have been and I couldn't be a hypocrite about that even if I suddenly had pots of cash.

As others have said, don't make any hasty decisions. One thing - when you return to work you can have any sort of childcare you desire for your dc (maybe a really excellent Nanny?) and that is a nice thing not to have to worry about.

Choosing state school when you are fortunate enough to live in catchment for an 'outstanding' state school does not make you morally superior to someone sending their child to a private school. However you are not unreasonable to send your child to the best school for them.

You are also not unreasonable to continue working if you want. You may want a career break at some point. Or to do voluntary work. That's ok to. Money gives you choice.

I would like to add my sympathy to you, your dad was far too young to lose him.

As for the money, take your time to take this in. My OH recently inherited some money from his (very elderly) mother, and it took over 2 years for the money to arrive, mainly thanks to a rather poor solicitor, the Will was very simple.

For education, I’m with you, I would have been very unwilling to privately educate my children, even if I could have afforded it. They went to the local very good primary, and made life long friends. They then went to the not so great local secondary, but both thrived, have good careers, and still have good friends from those days who are from all walks of life (which I feel is important). I certainly don’t think you are being selfish not privately educating them.

Other people are very good at giving advice where money is concerned. Don’t think you have to listen though, this is entirely a decision for your own family.

It is selfish to deny your child a top notch education

But she isn't. She says the state schools where she lives are excellent.

OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. Just as it might be selfish to deny your dcs a good school it would also be crazy to spend the money on private education just because it's sitting in your account.

FWIW, both my dcs have entered potentially very high earning academic/ career areas thanks to their excellent state education, whereas privately educated me - not so much. A posh school really isn't what matters. A good education is.

Forget the money for a while. The time will come when you will know how to use it.

First, I am so sorry for your loss. You need to take the time you need to process your grief.

Second, there is absolutely nothing wrong with continuing to work. Actually, I think sounds far healthier for you than being at home where your thoughts can become more distracting. Also, you sound as if you take pride in your career, and giving that up because someone else says you should would be mad.

Third, as for state school, as long as your kid is doing well there, let him/her stay there. An excellent state school is far better than a mediocre private school. The money can be used to supplement where it needs to. Also, if you're interested in social diversity, most (though certainly not all!) state schools will be better than most (though certainly not all!) independent schools. School is about more than just the classroom.

Fourth, and this is when you feel on a steadier keel, you need to talk to a lawyer and a good financial advisor. The former can help you update your own will, which will be necessary particularly as it seems as if you and DP aren't married. The latter will help you figure out the best place to put money. I'm not sure what your lump sum will be after taxes, but it's certainly investable.

And finally, if you're finding it hard to shake the griefand I can only imagineI would spend a tiny bit of that money to see a counselor and have a good, neutral party to talk with about your feelings. It will help to have a sounding board who is otherwise unconnected to your life.

I would send my child to a state school in your situation - I would have been very uncomfortable sending mine to private school and would have only done it if the alternative was crap.

I would stay off for a couple of years with my baby, though. You will be able to go back later.

OP

I suspect it will take a long time for you to actually see any money if all tied up in property.

I am sorry for your loss. You don't have to decide now - you can decide to put the decision off until X date. My suggestion would be to choose the school which best suits your child - it doesn't matter what sort of school that is. One of my children goes to grammar but if he didn't get in he wanted to go to the local comprehensive - the other was going to a grammar but it did not suit her so she is just about to go to a private school. But all private schools are different so you can't really narrow it down to state or private - its not that black and white and travel and local friends are a factor.

So sorry about your parent.

Private education is money down the drain imo. Your children will get the grades they get and if you wanted to spend that money on education, spend it on uni not school which is free for any child. You could do so many other things with that money then send them to school.

Don't do anything hasty or drastic, let it inheritance sit while you sort out your feelings and are managing to cope more. You will know what you wish to do with this when life has settled down a bit. Sorry for your loss

@Nostealthboast because she won’t get the same quality of education. Why would you deny her that? It’s also selfish to place burden on state funded institutions when you easily pay (at the very least make a donation to the school). The only reason why private school perpetuates a class divide is because state schools don’t provide an adequate education (would you rather everyone was poor educated rather than the majority?). Not sure how grammar schools are relevant - they’re state schools. I just know a few people who have been screwed over in this was. They don’t even know it but their education (or lack thereof) really holds them back. It’s very depressing to see. I’m glad to you earn a decent salary (I really wish this was a possibility for everyone from that system) but it’s not just about money. It’s about having a sense of responsibility and contributing beyond paying taxes. There is a reason why positions in politics, the judiciary, in the arts etc are disproportionately held by those educated privately.

*poorly educated

let the not it*

So sorry for your loss. Lots of good advice on here. Agree with not rushing any decisions until you can think more clearly. I haven’t been in your situation but I know that no matter how much money I inherited / won on the lottery etc I would continue on my career path. I really love my job and working is tied into my self esteem, my identity and my happiness. I have a truly wonderful relationship with my DD and have worked full time throughout her entire life. I am also intending to send her to a mixed comprehensive with a good reputation. I really doubt there could have been a better option than her outstanding state primary and I have high hopes for her secondary school if we get in. If she didn’t get any of our top three state school choices I would like to have the money to consider private but more likely I would use the money to move closer to a good state school as I would prefer her to mix with a variety of kids from different backgrounds.

The standard advice for dealing with a windfall is to do nothing for about a year. By nothing I mean no spending or commitments, thinking and eventually starting to plan are allowed.

The link below is to an American investing site, but it should still be relevant.

www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Managing_a_windfall

You're in grief. You don't need to make decisions now. But you do sound as though you know what you want from life. and it's fine. You love your job, so work. You like local schools, and if DD does too, win win. But nothing is set in stone. Take your time.

I would wait and see for the time being. It sounds as if your child is way off school for a while yet. As others say, a nanny rather than childminder, or a good nursery are going to be your first thoughts, so school is a long way down the line.
I personally wouldnt worry about private for primary anyway - all the people I know who have opted privately have gone to small state primaries, because it is secondary where you discover whether the school is really as outstanding as it claims. But at every step of the way you have choice, so I would never discount it as a possibility - you dont yet know how your child will be - it may be that they excell is the arts and so a mainstream secondary wont cater for that as well as a private that focusses on it. I would never previously have believed in or considered private school for my son, who is just moving to one in year 9 after having a miserable time in an Oftsted outstanding secondary, as the fit just wasnt right for him.

Work wise, why not work? You may even feel you want to start your own business in what you do at a later point, and you have the funds to do so. But doing what you love is important.

BogglesGoggles you seem to be assuming that all private schools are better than all state schools. This is not the case.

It is also not the case that by sending her DD private, state schools would get more money - school funding is waaaaaaay more complicated than that.

OP, I second not taking any decisions. Let yourself grieve first. The estate will take time to get probate in any case, and there'll be considerable inheritance tax to pay. Let all that work itself out and then reassess. You are doing very, very well in life as you are.

Of course it’s ok to keep your career. If you want to you’ll be able to use some money to relieve the burden of 2 working parents to free up your spare time for really good quality family time - handyman rather than diy, gardener, cleaner, Gousto/cook deliveries etc.

Sorry for your loss, ignore people wading in so insensitively.

If I had that type of money, i'd never work again.

I am very sorry for your loss, it must have been an awful shock.

I agree with those who say don't make any decisions yet. I would also say that you shouldn't make any statements about what you will or won't do in the future. That amount of money will give you choices throughout life, if you look after it carefully, but you don't need to make those choices yet. The wonderful gift that your parent has given you is freedom. So go back to work if you would like to do that, but if it doesn't work out then you have the freedom to take time out or retrain. Put your daughter in state school if that seems best but you have the freedom to switch to private in the future if there is a school that suits her better as she grows or she has difficulties in the local school etc.

It is a wonderful gift of freedom that you have. Don't let others take that freedom from you by telling you what you ought to do with it.

I'm so sorry for your loss .
My DF died suddenly in 2017 (mum died 2005 very young).
My sister and i inherited some money (nowhere near your amount) but a nice sum. I could have got a new car, a once in a lifetime holiday, designer clothes, handbags etc but I didn't. It didn't feel right - My parents worked hard for that money and it's not like a lottery win. An inheritance is entirely different. I lost my parents, my DD15 lost her grandparents (she was 2 when mum died and 13 when Dad died). DF left my DD money for when she is 21. I would give anything to have my parents back. The money is there, yes, but it's all put away and I work full time (not that it was life changing to give up work).
I think I would feel differently if it was a lottery win but an inheritance is very different.
You do what you feel right x

Sorry for your loss OP.

You might consider reminding the people who want to spend your inheritance for you that Paul McCartney, who is worth a bit more than £3m sent his kids to state schools.

What's good enough for Macca.........

I wouldn’t change dd’s School in that scenario. The school she attends is excellent. If her needs changed, then my plans might as well. You probably would do the same for your dc. If his or her needs are not being met by a particular school, you will seek an alternative, and the money will give you more choices.

I personally would quit my job, but that is because as much as I love my job, I have many hobbies that could easily fill my days. I’d make more art, practice instruments more, and probably take some university classes. For now, that remains my retirement dream.