To continue working and send my dd to state school?

[Nostealthboast]

So before the lambasting and the posts come out in force I just want to begin my saying this isn’t a stealth boast, hence the name change, I’m just after some advice as I can’t really talk to anymore irl at the moment.

Parent died recently, it was very sudden and unexpected. Self employed with a large property portfolio and multiple businesses. Had the will read and me and my siblings are the beneficiaries. Since the death we’ve discovered our beneficial interest is substantial, parent had independent wealth but had also recently been the beneficiary of someone else’s will.

Total value is approx £10m split between 3. This is a life changing amount and I’m still so grief stricken I’m not sure i’m thinking straight but I fully intend on returning to work (currently on mat leave). My other parent thinks I’m being selfish and ridiculous but I love my career, it’s a massive part of who I am.

DD will have suitable childcare whilst I’m in work but I’ve been having discussions about state school vs private school. Where we live State schools are v good and I am vehemently oppose to private education, I’ve been labelled selfish but am I?

A few people close to me know about the windfall and have asked am I going to move, switch out my car etc. and I feel a bit pissed off if I’m honest because I miss my parent more than words can describe and tbh I’m not mentally in a place where I can even begin to think about spending my parents hard earned cash. It feels wrong.

Has anyone been in a similar position where they’ve had unexpected inheritance?

Oh and we've just received an inheritance from my fil, not anywhere near yours but substantial to us. My husband has bought a fancy compost bin. The rest is in the bank awaiting sensible decisions.

Sorry for your loss OP. My Dad was 53 when he died and it is hard to come to terms with. 20 years later I still struggle sometimes.

Your DD is only a baby, you have at least 4 years to decide on schools, so no need to make any quick decisions there. Are you planning on having more kids? For a lot of people, private education is about being able to afford to treat all children the same, so bear that in mind (though it sounds like you may have plenty for multiple private educations).

Work wise, if you love your job, keep doing it. There is a certain luxury in working when you know you don’t have to, and maybe in time you might be able to risk going freelance/self-employed or setting up a business (depending on what you do for work) knowing you have a buffer in the bank.

Out of interest, if you love your job would your DP consider giving up his? (The rationale being that if money allows you to have one SAHP, and that is what you want for the family, why should it necessarily be you?)

Good luck.

So sorry for your loss. Just carry on as you are and don't make any big decisions right now. Certainly don't give uproar job and probably don't get married either, unless you really want to. Just grieve and maybe spend some money on a holiday for you all and toast your wonderful father.

The other thing to bear in mind is that for many women returning to work isn’t the same as it was before mat leave. You won’t know how it is for you until you go back so I agree with others that it would be sensible to carry on for a while and see. You might have a more clear cut answer if you go back and hate it or go back and love it.

There have been times when I’ve been so down about the realities and compromises for example, when train strikes have meant I’ve had to pay a nursery fine (yet again) or my husband and I have been arguing over who should take the day off when a child is sick etc. It’s so personal though as lots of people would think I’m mad to not be a sahm given my husband’s salary so it isn’t all just about the money. But, if I had £3m I just don’t think I could cope with the guilt of juggling if I didn’t need to.

Thanks for the advice, I feel a hell of a lot better and agree that i need some serious time to think about things. I don’t want to make any rash decisions, I’m in no fit state.

To the posters who have recommended counselling, yes, it’s a sensible idea and I’m starting to recognise I need a little more help with accepting all of this. It’s the shock, it’s quite unbearable and my dads death has left such a hole in my life.

I’m sorry to all of the other posters who have lost loved ones, it’s bloody hard and so unfair.

Thank you all again.

Glad to hear that OP. I’m not sure why you ever felt you had to make any quick decisions about schooling though, when your daughter is only a baby?

Sorry to hear about your Dad.
The only thing I would buy right now is a little something meaningful to remember him by. A rose Bush or a nice tree that wont get too big. I planted one for my Dad and I remember him every time it catches my eye.

As for the private school vs state school issue, the wonderful thing about being able to afford private school is that you have greater choice and freedom. I've always been a state school person myself, but my dd found a lovely little school with a good and different teaching method, so dgd is going private now. But not because it is private, because it is the one we want for her.

Sorry to hear about your loss.

So many things to get to grips with on top of grieving.

Take your time. Don't rush into marriage either - make sure you get advice about protecting the funds you inherited.

To clarify the £ is post tax

Ok, so the total amount is actually around £25 million?

As DD is in childcare at the moment, I’d assume she’s young, at pmriaru school, and would thus likely prefer to be with her friends for now. When she’s older you can revisit the question.

The DD is a newborn @TatianaLarina ! OP is on maternity leave.

The total amount is OP’s business and not relevant to her AIBU.

So sorry for your loss. My father passed two years ago. Still very raw. No inheritance as he had nothing, but I would continue as you are. Allow yourself time to grieve and process. I know I’d swap any inheritance for more time with my dad. Take your time.

The DD is a newborn @TatianaLarina ! OP is on maternity leave

So she is, I missed the maternity leave. Why on earth is she worrying about schools now? She’s got ages!

Live life the way you want to. There's nothing about your life choices that needs to change just because a ton of money has arrived in your life.

And anyone who asks you how you're going to spend it is so rude (Yes even your mum) that you can calmly tell then to take a hike.

No way would I send my children to private school. I went to uni with a lot of people who had been to private school who had no clue about normal life. I had to teach them very basic things. I went to a mediocre state school and ended up in the same position as them so I don't see the benefits.

One of my friends was adopted into a very wealthy family. They had the money to send them to a state school whilst also educating the children in creative ways such as travel/education centres etc.

OP if I won the lottery, first thing I'd do, is take myself off somewhere for a couple of weeks, so I could sit and think and breathe about what on earth I was going to do. Me. Not friends, not family, me. To recognise what was important to me.

Because you are grieving, you aren't in the position for a nice holiday so to speak, but take as much time as you need.

Open another account. Stick the cash in there. Forget it's there until you feel ready to deal with it.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my mum 2.5years ago. It doesnt get easier you just adapt to the grief. Grief is love with no where to go.

As for the money dont rush.