To continue working and send my dd to state school?

[Nostealthboast]

So before the lambasting and the posts come out in force I just want to begin my saying this isn’t a stealth boast, hence the name change, I’m just after some advice as I can’t really talk to anymore irl at the moment.

Parent died recently, it was very sudden and unexpected. Self employed with a large property portfolio and multiple businesses. Had the will read and me and my siblings are the beneficiaries. Since the death we’ve discovered our beneficial interest is substantial, parent had independent wealth but had also recently been the beneficiary of someone else’s will.

Total value is approx £10m split between 3. This is a life changing amount and I’m still so grief stricken I’m not sure i’m thinking straight but I fully intend on returning to work (currently on mat leave). My other parent thinks I’m being selfish and ridiculous but I love my career, it’s a massive part of who I am.

DD will have suitable childcare whilst I’m in work but I’ve been having discussions about state school vs private school. Where we live State schools are v good and I am vehemently oppose to private education, I’ve been labelled selfish but am I?

A few people close to me know about the windfall and have asked am I going to move, switch out my car etc. and I feel a bit pissed off if I’m honest because I miss my parent more than words can describe and tbh I’m not mentally in a place where I can even begin to think about spending my parents hard earned cash. It feels wrong.

Has anyone been in a similar position where they’ve had unexpected inheritance?

Very sorry for your loss. Did you go to private school ? I have found many people who oppose, do without knowing how tough even a good state school can be.

I went to a rough state school, very mixed but due to two selective non fee schools in the area they creamed off the top students ( not a grammar borough) I got good grades, but I had to fight to get them. Facilities were lacking, one book between 4 in science etc. Personally I wouldn't hesitate to send my children to private school if I could afford it. In fact my DS goes to a private school nursery ( using his 15 fee hours for 3 year olds and it's brilliant) I had used the local good rated preschool and it just doesn't compare at all.

Anyway I'd think about private education nearer the time. But I don't know I haven't been. My cousins had private primary then went into Grammar and have excelled though.

If you love your job carry on for the moment , don't change anything until you want to . It is hard enough to lose a parent without turning your whole life upside down too.

I miss half a page and suddenly we’re discussing Paul McCartney??!

OP, I’d echo others - for now KOKO. What this money offers is the chance for you to make the changes if any that you want or need. But your DF’s death sounds like a massive shock and upheaval so bringing more upheavals upon yourself (even positive ones like new houses, cars and schools) may be destabilising rather than give you succour or pleasure.

...what jesse said, basically .

So sorry for your loss - wait til you've processed everything and had time to make decisions yourself under less stressful circumstances

What does your DH think? I know you said he’s pressuring you to release some money, but what are his thoughts on dcs schools and both of your jobs? It’s your inheritance but for your marriage to survive such a life changing event you both need to be happy about these decisions.

@Nostealthboast

Me. I did. Similar circumstances to you, sudden and rather traumatic death of parent. The amount I inherited was nothing like in your league but still enough to pay off mortgage, all debt and retrain in different career. 🙂

If your child is happy at her school and the school is a very good one, no need to make any moves on that score unless something dramatically changes.

Unlike you, I didn’t feel remotely bad about spending the cash though. . I took the view that my poor parent wasn’t around to spend it themselves but it would have given them huge pleasure for me to go on a lovely holiday and not have to worry about mortgage payments again.

The only thing I would definitely do right now is pay off any mortgage and other loans that you have. Then decide in time what you want to do.

Is this £10m after IH, or before? That could be a huge deduction from what you think you will get. It also sounds as if probate will be complicated, so just stay as you are for now.

OP said ‘total value’ so I assume it’s pre-tax. She’ll be paying 40% on everything over the threshold of 325,000.

So she should yield around 1.8 million.

The only thing I would definitely do right now is pay off any mortgage and other loans that you have. Then decide in time what you want to do.

That was what I did in the immediacy. Waited another year before I sold my property.

But I did go on a tres nice holiday that Xmas. I needed to get away, more than anything.

@Nostealthboast so sorry for your loss. So young :-( . I am not surprised you want to not think about the inheritance and to give yourself the time to grieve.

I think I agree with what other people have said about sitting on things for a year. You have a good life and aren't desperate for the money right now. If there are good state schools around you, then, try those. If they don't work out then you will have a choice to pay for an alternative. (This thread seems to have turned in to an argument about state vs private education which is a bit tired).

But the other things about buying a new house, a new car. Do you need those?
Oh - I really quite liked what @Mrscog said "If you want to you’ll be able to use some money to relieve the burden of 2 working parents to free up your spare time for really good quality family time - handyman rather than diy, gardener, cleaner, Gousto/cook deliveries etc." That is money well spent - your time is precious - so you have time to grieve, have family time and figure out what it is you want do.
Anyway, it is your choice and no-one else's - just remember that :-)

Probate may take up to a year and there may be inheritance tax to pay too I'm afraid.

TatianaLarina
I was thinking the same about IT, unless the OPs dad had sorted his wealth out 10 mil is going to be greatly reduced.
plus it could take up to a year to sort probate out. I've been the beneficiary of a very simple probate and its taken 14 weeks.

Sorry for your loss.

You said you and siblings were beneficiaries - so nothing to your mother?

But wait and see how much cash you have. If the money is in property or businesses it may take a while to be settled and there will be tax to pay.

Education is entirely up to you - lucky you to have choices

I don't think YABU. I think I would make an anonymous donation to the school though, just because I could.

As for work, do what is best for your family. For me, I wouldn't work full time unless I couldn't eat while my kids are very little but everyone is different. Could you buy/negotiate additional leave so you could spend more time with my family whilst continuing to enjoy your career?

BogglesGoggles fails to understand that educating your children privately is not comparable to freeing up an NHS bed by using private healthcare. There will always be children whose needs cannot be met in the state sector and I have no criticism of parents who make the decision that private education is right for their child. Nevertheless, as long as the vast majority of the richest and most influential people in our society educate their children privately without even considering state education then it will only ever be of limited priority to many politicians. Imagine the difference if even a small proportion of those families chose to use state education, and if their disinterest became active lobbying in support of state education.

Regardless, the amount of tax that OP is about to pay on her inheritance will likely pay for a state education several times over.

Sorry to derail your thread, OP, and I’m so sorry for your loss. As PP have said, don’t rush into anything while your grief is so raw. Your dad has left you the gift of options and choices for your DD.

Overwhelmed by of all of your lovely helpful posts. My mum and dad were divorced so it’s just my siblings and I.

To clarify the £ is post tax and it really is an approximation as property prices are so in flux at the moment. We also have business so the final amount could end up being a fair bit less.

My dad was a private guy and never discussed finances, he told me he’d inherited a generous sum of £ from a good friend who was an investment banker, he was his AA sponsor but I just expected a few thousand not millions.

DP and I are not married, he wants to change this but I’m in no fit state to even contemplate it right now. He suggested this before my dad died btw.

I think you’re right - don’t do anything right now and give myself some time. As I said we have money and don’t need to touch it right now. My DP is supportive of state schooling and will just have to sit on his hands for a while.

Not that is should determine your decision, but what would your dad say to you if you were able to ask his advice?

I found that helped when in a similar position (i.e. being left what was, for me, a life-changing sum of money by him, and being advised left, right and centre by others - not my mum thankfully - whilst I was too young and grief-stricken to get my head round things.

I'm sorry for your loss OP These things aren't easy.

As regards the education thing, I'd say let the driving force be what's right for your child at any given stage. We swapped a few times between the state and private sectors along the way, depending on what was required, and had excellent experience of most of both. I wouldn't be dogmatic about it, I'd just take things as they come, and if the state sector gives you what you need, then brilliant!

Similarly with your job, if that's what gives you personal satisfaction then be a wise woman and carry on. You sound very level headed. If your other half is piling on the pressure before you're ready then tell him to back off.

The wonderful thing this loving gift has given you for the future is options. Use it wisely and be happy. Good luck. 💐

The above post sounds like a good idea to me my Mum died almost 20 years ago but I do still look at my family and see things that I or my children have done and think she would be really pleased to see how things have turned out. Give yourself time and if it appeals maybe have some counseling so you have a disinterested party to air your views and anxieties with. Your parent has given you this because they knew that you would use the money well and they wanted you to have it,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You sound as if you are still in shock, in addition to the grieving.

Don't make any rash decisions. Follow your gut and do whatever is best for you and your family.

You don't have to spend it all so you are right to take time. This money can help generations to come. Having had children in state and private school I would say obviously a really good state school is better than a private school where the whole experience isn't worth tuppence.

The only person who you need to listen to is you. Keep your job. Maybe get a really good nanny rather than use a child minder or nursery but stick to what you feel is right for you.

There are also different point in your life where a lump sum is useful. What if one of your dc's wants to go to graduate school in an area that isn't well funded. Or someone gets sick. Or needs help to buy a house. I mentioned upstream that I had to stop working because my ds was sick. I also had $200,000 in medical bills that my parents were able to pay because (like many jews who went through world war ii) they had stashed money away for a rainy day. If all is good right now, you don't need to make any decisions.

Treat yourself and dp (and dc's) to something small as an acknowledgement that your dad wanted you to have an easier life with this money... When it became clear that I no longer had huge medical bills to pay for ds, I treated myself to drip irrigation in my garden (I'm in Los Angeles) so I didn't have to hand water my hundreds of plants everyday...

Wrt schools the key thing is not what your mum or DP or you think, but what your DD wants.

Don't make any big changes too soon as you may find your grief harder to deal with. That's the most important thing at the moment, that and your baby.
Incidentally, your kids may appreciate money for University, professional courses and housing later on. And I completely respect you for sticking with your principles with regard to private education. You certainly don't get better teaching in the private sector just smaller classes and a sense of entitlement. And the argument that taking kids out of state school helps the system is simply bollocks as it is this that does the damage.