Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite - no children

677 replies

FunkySnidge · 01/09/2019 22:42

Aibu?
Wedding invite but children are not invited unless they have a role in the wedding or are babies. This means that our kids are the only kids from our side of the family who will not be invited. In fact as it's not a big family they are the only relatives not invited.
We now don't really want to go. Our kids really value family events and they can't be fobbed off, they prefer this kind of family thing to a substitute treat.
If we go we will have the faff of organising house pet child sitter, and then the expense of travel and accommodation... During a school holiday. Tbh I would prefer to just go on hol with my kids and let someone else who is closer to the wedding couple enjoy the day.
It's not my family it's dh so I'm giving him space to say what he wants and haven't said my view yet. He has indicated he thinks it's unfair to go without our kids as they will literally be the only family members from our side excluded and he doesn't agree.
Should we get over it and go or do we have a point and should just decline graciously and send a lovely pressie.

OP posts:
Roozy123 · 02/09/2019 09:29

Don’t go if you don’t want to but don’t moan about what they want to do for their wedding. The day is about them not you or your children
This

Lumene · 02/09/2019 09:33

Slightly off the point, but I think anyone is BU who expects someone to drive 6-7 hours to their wedding.

Really? It’s just an invite not a mandate. I’ve travelled hundreds of miles and to different countries for special friends’ weddings. Others I couldn’t afford to get to at the time I just said no but was delighted to be asked.

rookiemere · 02/09/2019 09:33

Decline graciously and send a small gift token. They are entitled to invite who thy want, you are entitled to decline the invite. For goodness sake mention nothing about childcare difficulties.

LaurieMarlow · 02/09/2019 09:34

our kids really value family events and they can't be fobbed off

I agree this is really entitled. It’s their day, not some big event for your children.

But don’t go if you don’t want to. Politely decline and send a card.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 02/09/2019 09:34

I totally agree that it’s up to them but I do wonder what on earth some people are thinking when ‘no kids’ actually means lots of kids to the exclusion of only two child family members. That's just weird - a nice bride and groom would see how this could look/feel and remedy. No kids should mean no kids - babies are far more disruptive than older kids so they are obviously using it as an excuse.

I’d book a lovely holiday and not go.

Jollymollyx · 02/09/2019 09:34

I think YANBU.
I can understand the request of no children but if it’s only your children it’s a bit petty. However it might be that on the other side there are more children and to make it fair they had to say to your kids too, as otherwise the other side parents would be annoyed, I bet that’s what it is tbh.
You could just ask, is there a lot of children on the other side I just thought as on this side it’s only our kids
And then you can explain you will leave it politely if you aren’t happy with the justification.
I get in some weddings seats are limited and they have to be cut throat

formerbabe · 02/09/2019 09:35

I think child free weddings are fair enough if you accept that some people won't be able to attend.

In this case though, I actually agree with you op. If the other children in the family are there (albeit with a role in wedding) then it seems really petty to exclude yours.

AutumnCrow · 02/09/2019 09:37

Thing is, I've known couples react very badly when their invitations to child-free weddings are declined.

LaurieMarlow · 02/09/2019 09:38

babies are far more disruptive than older kids so they are obviously using it as an excuse.

Babies are less easily left with baby sitters, I’m sure that’s the reason.

Ilovemypantry · 02/09/2019 09:41

I went to my nephew’s wedding last week and children were not invited apart from two flower girls who were about 10yrs old.
I think they absolutely made the right decision as the wedding was in a church and there’s nothing worse than crying/screaming babies and toddlers in a church. It spoils it for their parents, the couple getting married and all the other guests. Same for the meal/speeches after too.

It is entirely up to the couple what kind of wedding they want. So either accept their wishes or politely decline.

IrmaFayLear · 02/09/2019 09:41

Meghan and Harry, for example, had child bridesmaids/pageboys. Now, at their wedding did you see all of the Beckams' dcs? Or George and Amal Clooney's? That would have been six kids for a start.

You simply can't invite everyone's kids to sit-down weddings or the whole thing becomes ridiculous. If the wedding is a casual buffet-style thing in the village hall then fair enough, but for more formal affairs then the costs would spiral out of control.

There comes a critical point at which families extend too much, and branches have to form their own dynasties. I think it's particularly when cousins start to have dcs. You might have grown up with cousin Emma, but no one wants her dh and four dcs clogging up a table at £50 a head.

BizzzzyBee · 02/09/2019 09:42

The others are invited because they are Tots or 16+
Then they’re not children if they’re 16+. I’m guessing the tots are babes in arms, and the kids they’ve excluded are the ones who are likely to run around?

Lisamac28 · 02/09/2019 09:43

Arn't weddings for familes?, all of the family??

Well yes but I don't particularly think children enjoy weddings. The last wedding my DC attended, they were sooo bored, they were the only children there, apart from 2 teenagers who were equally bored and driving their parents mad. It's such a long day for kids.

dollydaydream114 · 02/09/2019 09:44

I laughed out loud at the notion that your children 'can't be fobbed off' if they're not invited to an adults-only event. Did they expect to go on the stag do as well?

LaurieMarlow · 02/09/2019 09:44

Arn't weddings for families

Weddings are for who the B&G want them to be for.

AnybodyWantAChip · 02/09/2019 09:44

In this case 'no kids' actually means 'everyone's kids but yours'.
We declined a wedding invite from FIL because he excluded our DC (his GC - 15/12) because 'it wasn't that sort of a do'. To this day, I don't know what he meant by that.

Initially none of us were invited, then a few weeks before the wedding he asked just DH and I - we declined because of the kids. Then he came back to say we could all come. By this time we didn't actually want to go to a wedding where we were made to feel so unwelcome.

Wiltshirelass2019 · 02/09/2019 09:46

YABVU I’ve been invited to a child and baby free wedding next year when my baby will be 6 months old. That’s fine, the wedding is about the couple not about my baby.

user1493494961 · 02/09/2019 09:46

Don't go then.

fancytiles · 02/09/2019 09:48

I think YABU. It's up to the bride and groom who they invite. If you don't want to go without your kids don't go.

Wiltshirelass2019 · 02/09/2019 09:48

I have to say, the worst wedding I’ve ever been to was full of children. They even had a children’s entertainer- it was god awful, like a really expensive kids party. No romance at all as it was all about the kids... 😒

Drum2018 · 02/09/2019 09:49

You are seriously overthinking it. You got an invite for yourself and Dh. Other people getting an invite including babies, flower girl etc is none of your concern. If you want to go to the wedding then organise it and go. If it's too much hassle to organise the kids then don't go. Send a decline card, no explanation required and send a wedding card nearer the day itself.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 02/09/2019 09:52

This 'the day is alllll about them' motto...admittedly over the past 20 years or so weddings have become increasing narcissistic events, but I'm old enough to remember when they were primarily family/community events, and people didn't have elaborate pre-arranged gift lists that everybody has to sign up to, or weddings abroad and expecting everyone to fork out £££ and a flight to attend, cutting out kids because do not want them to spoil the 'look and feel' etc etc.

It would be good if they went back to what they used to be.

millimollimandi · 02/09/2019 09:54

We had this with a family wedding - only worse! No children (except the cousins of the couple getting married) - but our children ARE cousins - just not cousins that they see very often. We didn't go, surprisingly.

dollydaydream114 · 02/09/2019 09:55

Arn't weddings for familes?, all of the family??

The wedding is for whoever the couple wants to be there. A wedding can be whatever you want it to be. If you like big family weddings with a load of kids running around, great - go for it. But don't assume everyone else should have a wedding like that just because that's what you want.

dollydaydream114 · 02/09/2019 10:00

I have to say, the worst wedding I’ve ever been to was full of children. They even had a children’s entertainer- it was god awful, like a really expensive kids party.

Yes, my brother's wedding was like this. There were actually more children there than adults. All any of the adults did all day was look after children and nobody remembers anything about the day except that, including my brother and his wife.

Swipe left for the next trending thread