Wedding invite - no children

[FunkySnidge]

Aibu?
Wedding invite but children are not invited unless they have a role in the wedding or are babies. This means that our kids are the only kids from our side of the family who will not be invited. In fact as it's not a big family they are the only relatives not invited.
We now don't really want to go. Our kids really value family events and they can't be fobbed off, they prefer this kind of family thing to a substitute treat.
If we go we will have the faff of organising house pet child sitter, and then the expense of travel and accommodation... During a school holiday. Tbh I would prefer to just go on hol with my kids and let someone else who is closer to the wedding couple enjoy the day.
It's not my family it's dh so I'm giving him space to say what he wants and haven't said my view yet. He has indicated he thinks it's unfair to go without our kids as they will literally be the only family members from our side excluded and he doesn't agree.
Should we get over it and go or do we have a point and should just decline graciously and send a lovely pressie.

Not only do my cousins all have children, some of their children have children! How can you possibly invite every person you are related to to a wedding?! The numbers would be astronomical.

Also, thinking about "other culture" weddings, all the eg Indian weddings I've been to have been a buffet, not a sit-down set menu affair. Numbers are large, but obviously you can accommodate that if people aren't officially seated.

Furthermore, knowing MNetters, if there were 100 children invited, 50 people would be whingeing about wanting special menus and some such.

When dn got married, dsis got a phone call from a niece asking what the menu was. Niece asked if the hotel could do her ds (who no one had met) a steak as he was very particular. This kid was 10, btw. Dsis said that there was a buffet with a wide range of choices and he'd have to take his chances. Bet the niece was on MN moaning about "guest preferences".

I eloped to get married but if I'd have done it the more traditional way I'd have really wanted to exclude kids as I'm not overly tolerant of them. But on the other hand I think the sentiment of a traditional wedding (having family and friends present because it's important to you to celebrate your wedding day with them) is really at odds with excluding kids.

My cousins' children is one degree of separation too far if I was sending out wedding invitations.

It is an invitation, not a summons. If you don't want to go because you can't take your children then decline the invitation.

@00AryaStarkWolf I can completly relate!!!

I had to take my two to my brothers wedding which was hours and hours drive.

My daughter was 2 and my son 3...
My daughter refused to walk in the wedding like planned. She screamed in the church on and off and it was a result of a allergic reaction to the dress!!
My oh kept having to take my son outside or entertain him as it was a LONG service.
I missed most of my brothers wedding because of all of this AND to get out the church I had to go passed many many children bored talking, walking around, moaning, in and out the church doors.

I spent the whole receiption on edge because my daughter was clung to me and when she wasn't that they were going to slip over as they were coming in and out from rain!!! As there was a bouncy castle.. getting them food, cleaning up after them eating, we left at 8pm while my mum danced the night away until 2am because all her children are adults and I envied her😂😂
All in all if kids ... even just mine Wernt invited I would have enjoyed the break and face timed the kids 😂😂 (don't even get me started on sharing the hotel room with them lol)

@Roozy123

hahaha, sounds about right, honestly in r/l I think most people I know would much rather not take their young kids along to weddings

@17AryaStarkWolf I agree.
When my kids are older and when it happens that they're not invited to a wedding or an event for whatever reason that's when they will get explained as to why and that this is life... this does happen.. which I hope they reply they're not inviting anyone to their wedding when they're older lol!

Good lord can we drop the moral superiority. Not wanting kids is much more likely to be about preferring the company of adults than being ‘all about the pictures’ hmm

It doesn’t even make sense. Kids, while (imo) challenging wedding guests, look super cute in the pics.

I wasn't particularly talking about the photos though. More that there appears to be a trend where weddings are all about the "production" being perfect - so the location, venue, appearance of the bridal party, matching bathrobes when getting ready, props at the reception etc. What mattered to us was getting married with our family and friends around us, not how "fashionable" it looked.

More that there appears to be a trend where weddings are all about the "production" being perfect - so the location, venue, appearance of the bridal party, matching bathrobes when getting ready, props at the reception etc. What mattered to us was getting married with our family and friends around us, not how "fashionable" it looked.

Why can't people have these things if it makes them happy?
Everyone is different and some like these things.
I don't think it's "fashionable" not to invite certain or any kids though.
I'm sure it's more about space, money and noise imo.
If someone wants matching everything, 10 horses, limos, props, photo booths, etc why not?? It's their day. Their choice and it doesn't make the person any less about family or any less about the marriage. Just different taste to you or someone else. That's all.

05IrmaFayLear

We had 120 sit down at our wedding. The children had the option of a children's meal, a smaller version of what we had or a full adult meal. We also had about half a dozen special meals ordered eg vegetarian, a different meat to what we were having and a gluten free option. It was no problem for our venue to accommodate.

DecomposingComposers: I still bet people were on MN (or olden times equivalent) after your wedding saying it was shit, no matter how fragrant you think you and your way of doing things is.

I think it’s unfair to exclude 2/8, but I wonder if they realise they’ve done this? I think it’s easy to over look that if you have lots of family (on the other side) and friends with children and just see them as 2/30 you can’t accommodate

Personally I don’t enjoy most weddings (hate waiting around & small talk) , so it would be the perfect excuse to decline.

DH could always get his parent whose ‘side’ It is to see if they realise your two are the only ones excluded from his whole extended family 🤷🏻‍♀️

51IrmaFayLear

Maybe they were. I doubt it because that isn't what my family are like and I would be sad if they didn't enjoy themselves but they've accepted invites to the same wedding venue on at least 5 other occasions over the years so they can't have hated it that much.

I really can't see what people would have been upset about - their children were invited. If they didn't want to bring them that would have been fine but if they came they were made welcome. I honestly can't see who would have been put out.

More that there appears to be a trend where weddings are all about the "production" being perfect - so the location, venue, appearance of the bridal party, matching bathrobes when getting ready, props at the reception etc

There is no connection between what you describe and whether the wedding is child free or not.

Op has still not revealed how she knows the ins and outs of the guest list of her DH’s cousins’ wedding. Some heavy sleuthing done there, or else some major assumptions being made

I was thinking that!

@LaurieMarlow
There is no connection between what you describe and whether the wedding is child free or not.

Oh but there REALLY is.

Don't go. Probably to keep mumbers down and therefore costs. Go on holiday and be happy.

A toddler screamed as my daughter was walking down the aisle, so as far as I am concerned YABU

This reminds me of another thread on Children at Weddings.

On that thread , a poster very much in favour of Children at Weddings commented that her little boy during the vows in church shouted out ‘roar’ (pretending to be a lion). And that everyone found it enchanting

You could have a random bunch of tourists, complete with screaming kids wander into the church to see you get married. Anyone is allowed into church during a wedding

But in practice it doesn’t tend to happen - so nit really an argument for ‘might as well invite the DC anyway ‘

Oh but there REALLY is

Nope. Much as you would like there to be.

Oh no there isn’t

That's why I said "some"

You fall into the category "Some B&Gs with kids may not invite their guests kids"

All I am saying is that some couples without children may not realise the full implication of asking guests not to bring their children - it is not a criticism just a comment. Like my friends

Definitely agree with the production value trend. Its all about the vision for some couples.

But in practice it doesn’t tend to happen - so nit really an argument for ‘might as well invite the DC anyway ‘

My comment about anyone being able to go into the church was as a result of a pp asking how they could stop guests bringing uninvited children into the church. They can't.

We had the relatives of one of my patients come to the church to see the ceremony so in my experience, it does happen.

Your wedding sounds amazing Decomposing

There is no connection between what you describe and whether the wedding is child free or not

Oh of course there is. It is totally disingenuous to suggest otherwise. Hence all the 'kids run around, kids are unruly and badly behaved, kids take up the dance floor, kids make noise, my nephews cousins daughter got married and a child made a sound during the ceremony and just ruined the entire day comments.

The irony is if children are excluded from areas of civic life they are less likely to learn how to behave in formal settings full stop. The other thing that is noteworthy is that people are really complaining about is that children can be unpredictable and they want everything to be precisely predictable.

Oh of course there is. It is totally disingenuous to suggest otherwise.

Nope. Just in your head.